2012 Snapper News!

TWO WEEK WARNING! 
UPDATE: LET THE GAMES BEGIN!!  
UPDATE for Week 1 (May 3, 2012) 
UPDATE for Week 2 (May 10, 2012) WILDEBEEST SIGHTING IN NORTHERN MICHIGAN!
MAJESTIC BEER BABE OF THE WEEK! Meet Jenn (May 10, 2012) 
UPDATE for Week 3 (May 17, 2012) More Beer babes!
Snapper News for Week 4 (May 24, 2012) Post Round AOTD Nomination discussed
Snapper News for Week 5 (May 31, 2012) 
New Sheet Posted for Week 6 (June 7, 2012) Be on the lookout
MAJESTIC BEER BABE OF THE WEEK (June 15, 2012) of "Beer Babes and Bourbon"
Odds and Ends (June 21, 2012) 
Snapper News for Week 9 (June 28, 2012) Winner, winner
Snapper News for Week 10 (July 12, 2012) no Winner, winner
Timmy K Textile Forensics 
Snapper News for Week 11 (July 19, 2012) 
Snapper News for Week 12 (July 26, 2012) ScheduleGate
Snapper News for Week 13 (August 2, 2012) The rollercoaster
Snapper News for Week 14 (August 9, 2012) 
Snapper News for Week 15 (August 16, 2012) 
Snapper News for Week 16 (August 23, 2012) 
Snapper News for Week 17 (August 30, 2012) 

TWO WEEK WARNING!
POSTED: April 18, 2012 By: DaBlade

A careful study of the ancient Mayan calendar tells us that opening night for the Snappers golf league is exactly two weeks from today (with the Earth exploding in an impressive fireball later in the year). If you haven't done so already, now would be a good time to locate the clubs in your garage and knock the dirt clods off of them.

While you wait (especially you new guys), please take this opportunity to memorize the league rules for the league entrance exam scheduled an hour prior to tee time on the beer boat.

WEBMASTER NOTE: The 2012 season is fast approaching and your league website is ready for action. Don't forget to "Like" us on Facebook, as this will allow you to post your weekly golf pictures directly there to share. Also, please find the comments box of the front page right side-bar for quick access for readers and players to begin the 2012 trashtalk. This does not replace the official Guestbook (with it's Flash-powered engine that doesn't work on my iPad), but I think I like it better for accessibility if for nothing else.

Visit the STATS page to get the 2012 Schedule. While you're there, don't forget to brush up on the handicap system (especially the new guys).

MY FELLOW SNAPPERS:
UPDATED: April 13, 2012 By: Snapper

We now have a full 14 team 28 man roster for the 2012 League season. 16 are returning league members. 12 were not on our roster last year (however 5 are familiar faces from years past as members or subs). Chris Carlson gets credit for bringing us 3, Don Savoie for bringing us 2, I will take credit for 2 and Jamie Leece (in an apparent bid to take over what has always been a Carlson league) brought us 5 and kept 1 who otherwise was out this year. Thank you guys for your help.

2012 teams:
1. Rick Carlson/Don Savoie
2. Chris Carlson/Dave Mitteer
3. Tim Kachelski/ Bob Baumann
4. Bill Cape/Dave Lawless
5. Dave Wolfenden/Steve Markunas
6. Jamie Leece/Herb Green
7. Paul Throesch/Dave Barnett
8. Paul Wojdylak/Matt Wojdylak
9. Dave Thomas/Bob Maguffee
10. Rey Farah/Jeff Nesgoda
11. Scott Cowan/Steve Peltier
12. Tim Pyeatt/Fred Schaal
13. Larry Cooper/Ken Hochstein
14. Tom Harrison/Ron Hamon

First night of golf is Thursday, May 3, 2012 @ 5:00 pm. Be there!!! It is recommended that youse new guys read our rules. Everyone please either send me some cash in advance or be ready to pay something the 1st night as I need to pay the Majestic something by then.

IN OR OUT? SHOW ME THE MONEY$ DO IT NOW!

I have recently confirmed our spot with Steve @ Majestic Golf Club 5:06 pm Thursdays. The League secretary meeting is not set. However, the 2010 weekly green fees rollback to $23/week will continue in 2012. Therefore we can hold the dues to last year's $525. Please everyone receiving this contact me via email or otherwise so I can firm up our numbers.

STARTING DATE: MAY 3, 2012
(2005 Dues were $510, 2006 $ 2007 Dues were raised to $550, 2008-2009 Dues were raised to $575, 2010-2011 Dues reduced to $525)

Here is the minimum payment schedule I would ask of you:
February 10, 2012................$ 50
March 15, 2012...................$100
April 15, 2012...................$150
May 15, 2012.....................$225
Total:...........................$525**

(As always dues includes 16-17 weeks green fees 1st thur May thru last thur before labor day + year end 4 man scramble & dinner 1st sat or sun after labor day @ a course to be selected later + prizes + $25/pp prize money)

This year we continue our adventure at the Majestic M-59 & US-23 Hartland (rotating between 3 separate nines, pontoon boat rides to and from # 10). The course has requested that 7/5/12 be excluded from league golf for the holiday weekend. Also, we know the date already of the Majestic's annual full course outing as 6/21/12. We will have league play that night but no early golf pre-league or no range balls that day, but the league ahead of us has opted out that day so we will be ready to roll when the course clears from the outing. I have reserved 24 spots for our league this year and added another tee time to our reservation.

GO SNAPPERS!!!


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UPDATE: LET THE GAMES BEGIN!!
Know this, learn this, love this!
POSTED: May 3, 2012 By: Snapper

Weekly prizes (one golf ball each at the year end outing) are awarded to the Snapper with the low score actual, low score handicapped and Asshole of the Day. The first two awards are computable mathematically while the third is discretionary and determined by weekly nominations and majority vote in the clubhouse at the conclusion of play. Please be prepared to nominate your playing partners and/or opponents for this, our most prestigious and treasured award, the AOTD.

Weekly games $7/team each week. Chris Carlson or his designate is to be paid - four cash prizes are awarded at the end of the round as follows:

(1 & 2) Each par 3 closest to the pin Greenie

(3) 5 Hole an individual award to lowest net (after hdcp) score for the 5th hole. Those tied on 5th hole go hole by hole thereafter for low net score until ties broken (once you're out...)

(4) Team Skin This is a team low net score for a hole selected by blind draw at the end of the round. "One ties, all tie" and the skin money carries over week to week until broken.

CARD CAPTAINS Whoever keeps score please get your scorecard turned in to SNAPPER asap. Change your shoes and put your clubs away after.

Majestic Beer Babe of the week Keep your eyes open and cameras ready for extra helpful and cheerful beer cart girls.

Contact Info If you did not respond to Snapper's preseason email please fill out your contact info (whether you think I have it already or not) on the clipboard before or after the round

Dues payments: see Snapper for this also after the round is over.

Year end Outing: Included in your dues, the traditional year end outing is 1st Sat or Sun after we finish in September, this year either 9/8 or 9/9. It is a 4 man scramble of fair teams comprised of only league members and necessary fill in substitutes who were subs on the league. The intention of one last get together for the year. After the scramble we have dinner (also included in the outing) and award yearly prizes and final sheets and prize money and such (as minimal as it is). Prize money is approximately $25/man and is awarded mostly for braggin rights and beer.

The allowance I plan on fluctuates between $50 - $80/man depending on rainouts and such. I have never had to ask for additional cash for a year end although no rainout 18 week years in the past caused a downsize in the course or the meal purchased. Here is where we have been in the past:

2011 Copper Hills- Oxford,
2010 Orchards - Washington,
2009 Eagle Eye - E Lansing,
2008 Davison CC - Davison,
2007 Boulder Pointe - Oxford,
2006 Bay Valley CC - Bay City,
2005 Kimberley Oaks - St. Charles,
2004 Timbers - Frankenmuth,
2003 Fortress - Frankenmuth,
2002 Copper Ridge CC - Davison,
2001 Tyrone Hills - Fenton,
2000 Dunham Hills - Hartland,
1999 Timbers - Frankenmuth,
1998 Devils Ridge - Oxford,
1997 Majestic - Hartland,
1996 Majestic - Hartland,
1995 Sugarbush CC - Davison,
1994 IMA Brookwood - Burton,
1993 Davison CC - Davison,
1992 IMA Brookwood - Burton,
1991 Dunham Hills - Hartland,
1990 Flint Elks Club - Grand Blanc,
1989 IMA Brookwood - Burton,
1988 Grand Blanc CC - Grand Blanc

If you have a suggestion as to location or day (Sat vs Sun) bring it up and we will discuss it and I'll see what I can negotiate. One suggestion I have already is Huntmore Golf Club - Brighton.??


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UPDATE for Week 1 (May 3, 2012)
POSTED: May 4, 2012 By: Snapper

Snapper Bites week #1 is in the books. It was to say the least interesting from the start getting so many new guys (some who had never played the course) to load up on the shuttle with their clubs, unload from shuttle at the boat dock and onto the pontoon for a "Capn Bill's Wild Ride" across Lake Waldon .off the boat & onto golf carts (carefully aligned but not too close to the water's edge by Steve "Leadfoot" Hable & round the corner looking for tee box #10 all on faith that the new league members they had never met would actually be there..haha..great job guys!....Now the easy part right?...just golf, have fun and relax, right?

Not quite. First, "Quiet on the tee please!" Snappers are preparing to go off before you? Yea, right!! New guys got a quick lesson of ooooos and aaahs, chatters & guffaws as to why it is not always good to go off first on this league. I could hear it from the boat dock as I awaited the arrival of my own partner and my drink he & Cap'n Bill were ferrying across to me. 1-2 holes in, everyone now knew that this course might be beautiful but it aint easy. Take solace guys that 10-18 is the most difficult of the three nines. 4-5 holes in and the sky were ominous to the west and only slightly north of us. If only the wicked storm pounding winds, hail and buckets of rain on our homes to the north would stay north and not change up and roll back on us we would be fine, but roll back on us it did. The 1st 3 of 7 foursomes finished the last two holes directly into 40mph winds but still dry. The rains came in buckets when the 5th group in line had only half a hole to play and the clubhouse in sight. They chose to make a run for it, assuming the two groups behind them would do likewise and the entire round would be a washout (all finish or no scores count in this league). But they didn't follow, the final 2 groups played thru and handed their completed 9 hole scorecards (each of which resembled a used handful of Bounty "the quicker picker upper") and plopped them in Snapper's hand. So foursome #5 accepted that their scores for hole 9 would be max out double pars + 1 all around and were fine with that since they were dry. Don't worry gents, any advantage to them in hndcp is minimized by our 3 weeks to establish a hdcp and subsequent 5 week moving averages thereafter where only your most recent 5 scores compute your 'cap as older scores drop off. Get it?... Don't worry about it, we got it.

Weekly Kudos :Greenies winners were Dave Wolfenden and Don Savoie. The 5-hole went to Dave Lawless and team skin to team Coop/Galaxy Ken. Nice job guys. Low Net went to Little Timmy K with a net "36". Low actual... drum roll please... Timmy K & Wolf each posted "42" actual. Pretty damn low for this night.

GO SNAPPERS!! A SOGGY WEEK ONE IS IN THE BOOKS!!


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UPDATE for Week 2 (May 10, 2012)
POSTED: May 14, 2012 By: Snapper

Snapper Bites Week #2 is in the books. Week 3 coming up and assuming you have participated in the other 2 weeks this will be the last match you will establish hndcp based upon 80% of difference in your single weekly round and par. Starting week 4 you will have a predetermined hdcp based upon the prior 3 weeks average scores combined. This will continue throughout the year using only your most recent 5 weeks scores with all prior to previous 5 weeks dropping out of the equation starting with the completion of your 6th round.

Weekly Kudos: Greenies winners were Fred Schaal and Don Savoie. The 5-hole went to Larry Cooper and team skin to team Maguffee & Thomas. Nice job guys! Low Net went to Little Timmy K, Dave Wolfenden & Paul Throesch with net "35". Low actual to Wolf & Paul Woj, as each posted "39" actual.

MAJESTIC BEER BABE OF THE WEEK: Coming soon, assuming a successful outcome concerning a "phone photo transfer glitch".

YEAR END SCRAMBLE DINNER BOOKED AT APPLE MOUNTAIN Golf Resort (Freeland/Saginaw) on Sunday, September 9, 2012 &@; 9:30am!!!

GO SNAPPERS!!!!

WILDEBEEST SIGHTING IN NORTHERN MICHIGAN!
POSTED: May 14, 2012 By: Snapper

According to a reliable source, a female animal strongly resembling a Wildebeest was sighted by a group of intoxicated Snappers in a local bar in Northern Michigan recently. They almost missed the extraordinary siting were it not for one (said to have an amorous glow in his eye) exclaiming: "Would ya look at the Ass on that animal?". Following are some fun facts you should know about these bizarre creatures.

Physical Description Many people find wildebeests to be odd looking creatures. They have horns and hindquarters similar to that of antelopes, yet a face, mane, and tail that look a lot like those of horses. Because of their odd physical appearance, they were called "wild beast" or, in Afrikaans, wildebeest. Wildebeests are large herbivores that look and graze similar to cows; however, they are actually related to the antelope family.

Habitat Wildebeests live in Africa. They can be found from Kenya to South Africa, living in woodlands and savannaghs and until now, never elsewhere.

Reproduction At the end of the rainy season, from the end of March through June, wildebeests begin to mate. Females, who begin to reproduce when they are but three years old, are known to mate with more than one male on many occasions, a fact apparently not unknown to our drunken "love-lorn" Snapper who saw her first and spent the next hour or so attempting unsuccessfully to garner her interest. Alas, at least there will always be this fond memory of the one that got away!!!!

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MAJESTIC BEER BABE OF THE WEEK
POSTED: May 15, 2012 By: Snapper

Meet JENN photographed with Naked Dave... both fully clothed (a pre photo stipulation when Jenn, a newbie to the course and unfamiliar as her sister past multiple Beer Babe of Week winner "Sara" is with our website, heard Dave's nickname).

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UPDATE for Week 3 (May 17, 2012)
POSTED: May 21, 2012 By: Snapper

Snapper Bites Week #3 is in the books. Next week everyone who has not missed a week so far will have an established handicap based upon this year's scores only. Your scorecard will be given to you at the beginning of the round with individual and team handicaps already recorded as well as the holes upon which any hdcp will apply so you can complete your scorecard as you go along. (Snappers Scoring For Idiots directions) Add your hole by hole score to your partners score, apply (deduct) any hdcp stroke(s) for the hole and compare to your opponent's combined team net score for the hole. If your team score for the hole is less than your opponents, you win the hole and get "2 pts" (yes, this is not like bowling)if your scores are higher than your opponents then you get "0" pts and your opponents get "2" pts. If your combined net scores are the same, you each get "1 pt" for the hole (you may hear the term "tie" in these cases from experienced Snappers). At the end of the round, subtract your individual hdcp from your actual score and add your net score to your partners net and compare to your opponents combined net. Whichever team's net score is lower wins the "4" match points, or if the nets are ties (see?).."2" match points each. Old guys show the new guys how to do it even if you are keeping the card scores.

Weekly Kudos: Greenies winners were Steve Peltier and Tom Harrison. The 5-hole went to Fred Schaal and team skin was a "cut" with $26 carried over now to next week's skin pot. Nice job guys. Low Net went to Little Timmy K, Dave Wolfenden & Paul Throesch with net "35". Low actual, Wolf & Paul Woj each posted "39" actual.

MAJESTIC BEER BABE OF THE WEEK: "STEPHANIE" a/k/a "The Playa" cuz she played us like a musical instrument. The jig is up, we are now on to you Girl! Each week we see a newbie deserving of special recognition for her personality, style etc.we explain our Beer Babe of The Week... request a photo... tell 'em to check the newsletter and website to verify their recognition by the league, all the while believing that word has not gotten around between the girls about this award. Well that is apparently just no longer true. EXAMPLE: I give you "Stephanie". The conversation with CMo & Pic Pic, Nakes & Lawless went something like this: "How would you like to be nominated this week for our Majestic Beer Babe of the Week award?"... "Sure what is that?"... "Well, we nominate those Beer Babe's that show us they are deserving of recognition based on your... well, your personality of course." "Okay I'll do it?" "It requires your picture with one of the guys." "Ok, I'll do it." "Then if you win we put your picture on our website and in our newsletter each week." "Really?" "Yes, really." *giggle* *smile* *giggle*. "Okay, I'll do it!" Then there is the pic of her with pic pic taken by CMO. Then she sells mass quantities of beer and moves on down to the next hole...

...where a *giggle* *smile* *giggle* results in a conversation much like the following between her and Snapper: "How would you like to be nominated this week for our Majestic Beer Babe of the Week award?" "Sure, what is that?" "Well, we nominate those Beer Babe's that show us they are deserving of recognition based on your... well, your personality of course." "Okay I'll do it?" "It requires your picture with one of the guys." "Ok, I'll do it." "Then if you win we put your picture on our website and in our newsletter each week." "Really?" "Yes, really." *giggle* *smile* *giggle*. "Okay, I'll do it!"

Then there is the pic of her with Snapper & Boob taken by Don. Then she sells mass quantities of beer and moves on down to the next hole. Hmmmm...

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Snapper News for Week 4 (May 24, 2012)
POSTED: May 30, 2012 By: Snapper

Weekly Kudos: Greenies winners were Scott Cowan & Boob Baughman. The 5-hole went to Dave Thomas and team skin was carryover with $52 skin pot to Rick Snapper Carlson & Don Savoie. Nice job guys! Low Net went to Scott Cowan with net "31" and Low actual also to Scott Cowan "39". wow! Great week Scott!

MAJESTIC BEER BABE OF THE WEEK: None of the girls attempted to distinguish themselves this week. They were all great but nothing extraordinary by way of service or flirting for tips or the like was noted by the guys. Come on girls! If you want it you gotta let us know.

Noteworthy: Half the league now has at least one birdie and the race for the last league member to score a par is on this year between Galaxy Ken & Nessie. The challenge is on boys! updates to follow.

Also Noteworthy: The first invocation of the Cowan/Peltier rule was elected this week by team WOJO, neither of whom showed up for golf but a sub for each was arranged at their request.they therefore (thanks to prior crybaby squawking by Cowan & Peltier) got the chance to score some points in avoidance of our forfeit rule 8. See Rules Link, especially Paul Throesch & Dave Barnett HINT HINT!!! Guys it is on you to request and/or demand "adequate compensation" from the Wojos.

Post Round AOTD Nomination: Steve "Shang Quan Phat" Peltier, a/k/a Shang, is hereby nominated for AOTD for 5/24/2012 round he did not play or compete in, and the nomination is made retroactively and in absencia, due to his League related assholishness for that week. Shang vehemently insists and will not take NO for an answer (**see email/guestbook string(s) below) to Snapper & DaBlade that he shot "44" and his partner shot "45" the week prior (5/17/2012) and that we made a mistake in recording on the league stats sheet that he shot "45" and Cowan shot "44" and we MUST CHANGE IT.

First understand that were these scores transposed it would not have affected the hole by hole or total points scored by each team on 5/17/2012. It would however have given Cowan 1 more hdcp stroke to work with in Shang's absence on 5/24/2012. We reported to Shang that he was mistaken in the belief that we had made an error and that the official scorecard turned into us at the end of the match showed the scores as posted Shang "45" and Cowan "44" and that further the addition of each of their hole by hole scores logged on the card before it was turned into us calculated to the same sums.

So far he can only be accused of legitimate inquiry which we encourage. However Shang's response now, is as follows: "Cowan must have fucked up the card. I kept track of my horrible shots on a separate card and my score was 44". I can only surmise that his argument is that despite his partner Cowan having turned in their scorecard to us thereby attesting to the hole by hole scores carded by each of them, and despite these scores adding up correctly to scores of "44" Cowan and "45" Shang, because he kept a separate scorecard which was not turned into us, which he likely no longer has possession of, apparently did not verify for errors or accuracy with his partner before the official scorecard was turned in, but he knows and remembers was a total of "44" strokes and not "45" we must believe him and change the stat sheet to so reflect.

We respectfully decline to do so and give the following reason(s) in support of our decision. Our league rules say nothing specifically about turning in scorecards with errors nor of turning them in at all. We have informally adopted a "Card Captain" rule not in writing which simply addresses the fact from past such difficulties that we cannot post any scores for your match unless or until you turn a damn scorecard in so each 2man team must elect one of them "Card Captain" for the night to turn in their card. Since we do not have a specific written rule on scorecards being turned in with errors we can, as we have done in the past, either write a new rule if necessary, or defer to USGA rules as our Rule #1 states "USGA Rules except as modified herein". Since we now have 11 written league rules already with 9 separate clarifications, revisions, exceptions, exclusions and rewrites, which we think is plenty, let us look to USGA Rules which do not often make sense but certainly do here.

USGA Rule 33-5. Score Card
In stroke play, the Committee must provide each competitor with a score card containing the date and the competitor's name or, in foursome or four-ball stroke play, the competitors' names. In stroke play, the Committee is responsible for the addition of scores and application of handicapsMoreover, we look for guidance to the following excerpt of USGA Rule 6:

6-6. Scoring in Stroke Play
a. Recording Scores
After each hole the marker should check the score with the competitor and record it.
b. Signing and Returning Score Card
After completion of the round, the competitor should check his score for each hole and settle any doubtful points with the Committee. He must return it to the Committee as soon as possible.

PENALTY FOR BREACH OF RULE 6-6b:
Disqualification.
c. Alteration of Score Card
No alteration may be made on a score card after the competitor has returned it to the Committee.
d. Wrong Score for Hole
The competitor is responsible for the correctness of the score recorded for each hole on his score card. If he returns a score for any hole lower than actually taken, he is disqualified. If he returns a score for any hole higher than actually taken, the score as returned stands.
Note 1: The Committee is responsible for the addition of scores and application.

Sent via BlackBerry by AT&T

Rick,
I checked the sheet on the website and think Scott's and my scores from last week were switched. Scott had the 45 and I had the 44. DaBlade says this will make Scott's handicap a 9 instead of an 8 and we all know Scott needs all the strokes he can get.

Please verify and correct if necessary.
Thanks Counselor.

Shang

NOTE: The new Snapper Snapshot of the Week feature has been discontinued for the time being due to unpopularity :)

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Snapper News for Week 5 (May 31, 2012)
POSTED: June 5, 2012 By: Snapper

Weekly Kudos: Greenies winners were Scott Cowan (again)& Steve Peltier (also in the last group). The 5-hole went to Jamie Leece after a 4-hole push was broken and team skin went to Wolf & Markunas with a $26 skin pot. Nice job guys! Low Net was Dave (5 pars) Mitteer with a net "31". Low actual was Herb Green & Dave Wolfenden with a score of "40".

Noteworthy: The 2012 Last Member to get a par Challenge between Galaxy Ken & Nessie was accepted by both players who each stepped up and carded the magic number. Nice job guys but we still have a challenge if you want "1 par" to "1 par" with Cape & Snapper very close at only "3" each. Let's keep this challenge on a while longer shall we? Updates to follow.

Also Noteworthy: "adequate compensation" (1 beer each)was demanded this week by Throesch & Barnett from the Wojos who invoked the Cowan/Petltier Rule & blew them off on the scheduled match the week prior. Matt graciously accepted and agreed to pay both his beer obligation and that of his again absent Uncle Paul he insisted was not ducking the duty but again troubled by pesky work conflicts. Matt arrived on deck for the post round gathering early and had to leave asking Snapper to take his money and pay off Throesch & Barnett for him. I respectfully refused as such should be done man to man face to face in front of other jeering Snappers if possible.

Wolfie started with 7 consecutive pars, many tap-ins only and then took a triple bogie at the par 3 following. Such is life at the Majestic. He was begging for a 3 foot gimmee putt at the last hole for a 39 rather than 40 but friend Snapper refused politely saying if it were for a 38 he would have given it to him. Wolf missed. Nice 40 though!

MAJESTIC ALERT UPDATE! PERP IDENTIFIED!
Have fun and make your own WANTED POSTER over at GlassGiant.com!

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New Sheet Posted for Week 6 (June 7, 2012)
POSTED: June 12, 2012 By: DaBlade

The Snapper Bites and AOTD will soon follow. In the meantime, please enjoy the latest hilarious exploits from our super hero president, CODENAME: "The First Divot"

How The Gutsiest President Ever Single-Handedly Killed OBL

Of course, with the technology at his disposal with the First Divot Deflect System, OBL was a gimmee!


MAJESTIC ALERT!


Be on the lookout for an unknown male suspect being sought for allegedely creating clouds of hazardous secondhand cigar smoke in clear violation of the posted "NO SMOKING" sign. He is described as a white male (but answers to an Asian-sounding nickname), wearing a dark gray or black ball cap, dark jacket and pants, spiked shoes and a white glove on his left hand. Security video captured the sneering suspect with offending stogie clinched in his jaw. He should be considered "Armed and potentially dangerous (over several decades of direct secondhand exposure)". The Majestic is offering a FREE BEER reward for information leading to the identification and successful public chastisement of the person responsible for this heinous smoking violation.

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MAJESTIC BEER BABE OF THE WEEK
POSTED: June 15, 2012 By: Snapper

Meet Melani, a self professed 4 year veteran of the Majestic Cart Girl a/k/a "Beer Babe" crew faithfully serving Snappers Golf League members with a smile.

Melani wins this, her first ever (and hopefully coveted Beer Babe Award) for extreme graciousness and ability to take a joke. She is seen here with Snapper, an avid and enthusiastic "Bourbon & Coke" guy, helping hold drinks she just made for Snap & for partner Don (a Jack & water guy) on the other side of the camera lens. The week prior, Snapper had asked an unnamed Beer Babe for his favorite drink only to have her search furiously in her basket, discarding bottle after bottle of Jack Daniels Black Label before confessing that she did not seem to have any bourbon. To which Snapper stifled a laugh and said that he would have Jack Daniels instead. Not satisfied with putting one over on one Beer Babe, Snap was at it again, this time ordering the 2 drinks above by name from Melani: "1 Jack & H20, 1 Jack & Coke please"... before the in hand bottles were cracked, Snap deviously exclaimed: "You know I changed my mind...make mine Bourbon & Coke please (stifled hahaha)... Melani looked perplexed and admitted as her predecessor that she did not seem to have any bourbon....Snapper laughed aloud and then explained letting Melani in on the joke...when she also laughed, continued to make drinks for us all with a smile and even allowed the photo be taken with her arm around the back of her cruel prankster, Melani was an obvious Majestic Beer Babe of the Week winner.

But it seems the last laugh may in fact be on Snapper himself. While Melani offered no defense, Snapper was informed by a couple of bartenders in his family that Melani was right after all, that Jack Daniels is not in fact technically "Bourbon" according to the company producing it. A little internet research proves this point. Wikipedia contains the following fun facts:

On May 4, 1964, the United States Congress recognized bourbon whiskey as a "distinctive product of the United States." Bourbon may be produced anywhere in the United States where it is legal to distill spirits. But most brands are produced in Kentucky, where bourbon production has a strong historical association.

The typical grain mixture for bourbon, known as the mash bill, is 70% corn-with the remainder being wheat, rye (or both), and malted barley.[1] A mash bill that contains wheat instead of rye produces what is known as a wheated bourbon. The grain is ground and mixed with water. Usually, though not always, mash from a previous distillation is added to ensure a consistent pH across batches-and a mash produced in that manner is referred to as a sour mash. Finally, yeast is added and the mash is fermented. The fermented mash, referred to as the wash, is then distilled to (typically) between 65% and 80% alcohol. And although all "sour mash whiskeys" are bourbons...only some but not all bourbons are "sour mash whiskey" Sour mash is a process in the distilling industry that uses material from an older batch of mash to start fermentation in the batch currently being made, analogous to the making of sourdough bread. The term sour mash can also be used as the name of the type of mash used in that process, and a whiskey made using this process can be referred to as a sour mash whiskey. Sour mash does not refer to the flavor of the whiskey, as is sometimes thought.

But here is the real kicker:

Tennessee is home to major bourbon producers, though three of the four main producers don't call the finished product bourbon. Jack Daniel's is a notable example. But the methods for producing Tennessee whiskey fit the characteristics of bourbon production...

What the F????? Really? So they follow the distilling process at least to a minimum as described above for bourbon and/or sour mash but call it Tennessee Whiskey not bourbon? Really???

Well, Snapper must sheepishly defer to the apparent technical correctness of the Majestic Beer Babes, Melani included, who in fact have only Jack Daniels in their basket and NO BOURBON!

See the following FAQ found at the home page of Jackdaniels.com:
Is Jack Daniels Black Label a Bourbon? It is not a bourbon. It is a Tennessee Whiskey dripped slowly through 10 ft of packed charcoal made from hard sugar maple (after the bourbon mash distilling) before being aged in charred oak barrels. Charcoal filtering makes it a Tennessee Whiskey and not a Bourbon.

KUDOS BEER BABES for being correct whether you knew this information previously or not.... It is enough that you knew that you do not serve bourbon from your carts according to Jack Daniels.. the joke is not on you but on yours truly, Snapper.


Snapper News for Week 6 (June 7, 2012)
POSTED: June 13, 2012 By: Snapper

Weekly Kudos: Yours truly, Snapper, somewhat typically 10 over par after (triple bogey, double bogie, double bogey, triple bogie) for the first 4 holes. Finished round with 3 pars, 1 bogey (lip out) and a birdie for 10 over par. Low actual "38", low net "31" and a greenie for Larry "Coop" Cooper, who just laughed sheepishly when money man Chris "CMoney" Carlson paid him off as usual at the end of the day gambling square up and exclaimed, "You just loan me your money for a couple hours every week". Nice job Coop!

Weekly skin was a carryover $52 buckaroonies this week boys.

5 hole went to sub and Summer law school extern working for Snapper (for the time being) Matt Thomas, who took the money right out from under an expectant winner (his boss) who played the 5 hole in at even par as described above.

Oh yea and Jeff "Nessie" Nesgoda scored a greenie. Who...haaa!!!

SMILE & SAY "CHEEZE"! It is 2012 Snapper League member picture time!

YOUR FIRED!!!!! (Snapper to extern Matt Thomas) for stealing the 5 hole from beneath his nose)... see above.

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Odds and Ends
POSTED: June 21, 2012 By: DaBlade

It's golf day, so good luck fellas! Hopefully, you'll stay dry and avoid the spot storms forecast for today. The new sheet can be found where it always is... in the right column of this home page, and on the Stats page. Remember, if you want to see how you're tracking for the year (or to hand-calculate your 5-week moving average/HDCP, you need to go to the stats page and click the "Scores by week" link. For those of you who like to brag that you have the entire AOTD archives memorized, you should know that there have been some recent entries (from the official Snapper hard copy folders from years past) during the last week. To make it easy on you, I put the new entries in blue text. Just go to the AOTD archives and scroll down until you see it. That said, I couldn't find hard copies for all the winners and the archives will sadly remain incomplete (unless a treasure trove of old and yellowed sheets show up from the handfull of long-timers). In fact, it's as if 1990 never existed! I can't even find a roster for that year! Oh well. Make some new memories today!

Snapper News for Week 8 (June 21, 2012)
POSTED: June 25, 2012 By: Snapper

Weekly Kudos: Congrats to Greenies winners Jamie Leece & Naked Dave Mitteer. The 5-Hole was hotly contested by 3 hole carryover between Steve Hollywood Markunas and Bill Pic Pic Cape, each of whom managed to par the 5th with 2 strokes cap (net "2") and neither due to the other could win it outright. Congrats to Bill Cape for breaking the tie by a single stroke 2 holes later... an all the more brutal result to Hollywood as it came in on the very last damn card turned in but for Pic-Pic. Nice job!!! Team skin is now a $52 carry over this coming week as the hole was cut by two teams.

Low actual: Jamie Leece & Dave Wolfenden each shooting "38" and low net to Jamie with a nice "32". Nice goin boys!

GO SNAPPERS!!

TIMMY K: To answer the question you indignantly demanded a response to last week again "WHY ARE WE SCHEDULED TO PLAY THE SAME TEAM 2 WEEKS IN A ROW!"…because last week was a position round you idiot.

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Snapper News for Week 9 (June 28, 2012)
POSTED: July 1, 2012 By: Snapper

But first, a word from the webmaster DaBlade...
WINNER WINNER CHICKEN DINNER!:
This, From the latest Snappers Facebook post... "2012 Snapper Photo Gallery update,. Go check it out... under the Photos tab. Will post the rest when I get them.

TRIVIA: Which Snapper has worn the same shirt for the last three years gallery shoot? Should we take up a collection?

Bob Baumann correctly answered "TK", and even offered to chip in a dollar towards the collection. Congrats! You win the grand prize - an old and worn pit-stained gray OSU golf polo.

Weekly Kudos: Congrats to Greenies winners Tom Harrison and Dave Barnett. The 5-Hole was parred by Steve Markunas and after applying his 2 strokes handicap netted a 2 and won it outright. Then as luck would have it the 5 hole was selected as the skin hole and being the only hole on the card where Wolf & Steve both parred (and Steve still got 2 blows) his team took the 2 week carry over $52 skin pot as well. Nice job guys and thanks for the beer! Low actual - this night was a "40" carded by Timmy K, Coop, Jamie Leece & Herb Green. Yikes! 4 golf ball winners the same night for a single category winna????? Maybe I'll buy some Ultras from Timmy to give away. Don Savoie took the low net with a "33". Nice goin boys!

WHAT IS IN A NUMBER???: Specifically, the number "47". What was it about "47" to make 7 of 27 guys (that's more than one quarter of the league) shoot that score??... that's what happened though, by far the most popular score for the night. I already told you "40" was the second most popular score with four of em carded so that tells ya what the rest of us other 16 hacks shot to make the average for the league this night over 49. Oh well it was fun though was it not?

Speaking of fun: Now that everyone on the league has carded at least one par for the year, let's start making fun of the 8 guys who are still birdieless for the year shall we??? That will no longer include Bob Magguffee, who carded his first birdie of the year last week getting one of the 3 posted for the week. EAGLE?? Who said EAGLE?... sadly no one this year yet, although we are told Chris Carlson gave it a helluva try, barely missing a putt after reaching a par 5 in 2. Nice going CMONEY! And take note the Golf Sheet Soduko leader (trying to be the first to have a "ding" in every single column of the sheet) is presently JAMIE LEECE, needing only one square to fill in (what is it?). I already told ya, nobody including Jamie has an eagle yet. Last place in the Soduko Score Sheet Challenge is Tom Harrison, who quietly keeps accumulating pars and nothing else. Pars are good Tom, but AOTD's are good too. Come on outside after golf sometime and find out. HA!

YEAR END SCRAMBLE DINNER: Don't forget to mark your calendars Snappers. We are finishing the league this year on Sunday, September 9, 2012 at Apple Mountain in Freeland.

What's in a name?
POSTED: June 28, 2012 By: DaBlade

There is a recent and disturbing trend of entering only the sub golfer's first name on the scorecard, leaving league officials in the dark on surnames. If you look at the Scores by Week from the Stats page, you will see the bottom three subs listed as "Vance", "Steven" and "Brian" NLM (No Last Names). This is more than just a nuisance, as a single golfer named "John" for example, could have multiple one score entries on the official league records (due to my inability to ascertain whether a common first name is the same guy as the previous week or a new golfer) leading to inaccurate handicap computations.

THEREFORE, unless your sub's first name has reached the pinnacle of universal recognizability (such as "Sting", "Prince", "Liberace", "Elvis" or "DaBlade"), please enter their last name also. Failure to do so could not only lead to inaccurate records, but also lead to the nickname "Liberace" being assigned to repeat offenders. That is all.

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Snapper News for Week 10 (July 12, 2012)
POSTED: July 18, 2012 By: Snapper

Weekly Kudos: Congrats to Greenies winners Rey Farah & Herb Green. The 5-hole went to substitute Keith Cross with an actual birdie. Nice job!! The skin hole??? We will get to that in a minute but first... HERB GREEN put an EAGLE "3" on the card... the very first for the league for the year! Way to go HERB!!!! it was on the par 5 hole number 15 so when we pulled hole number... (fake suspence)... (drum roll please) 15 for the skin hole Herbie was ecstatic. But wait a minute this is a team bet so lets see what partner Jamie carded... he got a par okay... good to go right?????... wrong. This is why we handicap it guys, so everybody gets a chance not only to pay their money but to maybe compete. Hole #15 is the #8 handicap hole and at "3" & "4" respectively Peaches & Herb had to play their actual score with no cap dings off for the hole and they got cut. a fact that Herb took like a man but Jamie is cryin still. I can hear him cant you????? Listen, it's the voice that's louder than anyone elses... you know the one... hahaha!!!

Rey Farah joined the birdie club last week... and Fred Schaal got one too. and whodat Paul Throesch paring 5 out of 9 holes??????

AOTD????? Only a few strained nominations and no winner winner chicken dinner...

Steve Markunas did entertain a few of us at the boat dock casting unsuccessfully a jig & tail on a broken ice fishing rod about 18 inches long.

Special night this week with former Snappers Gary & Micha Fulgham substituting in and joining us. Make sure you enjoy their company as I know I will.

YEAR END SCRAMBLE DINNER: Again... Don't forget to mark your calendars Snappers …we are finishing the league this year on Sunday, September 9, 2012 at Apple Mountain in Freeland.

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Timmy K Textile Forensics
POSTED: July 22, 2012 By: DaBlade

As I posted pictures for the 2012 Snapper Gallery, I noticed what I thought to be a strange but humorous coincidence. Namely, that Timmy K was wearing the same shirt in the official Snapper Gallery for the last 3 years. This seemed strange, since photo night is rarely announced in advance and is usually accomplished by a strategy of "catch as catch can". The odds that the same shirt would be worn for three years in a row seemed long. I even playfully posted this contest at our Facebook page.

Congrats to Boob! He won the grand prize - an old and worn pit-stained gray OSU golf polo.

The subject arose at the league quorem on the post-round dry docked beer boat. Markunas suggested that the Snapper archives be checked to see if the history of this phenomenon is actually longer than three years. On a lark, I decided to check (not really expecting this to lead anywhere). What I found was deeply shocking. Please turn back now if you are easily disturbed...

If you're still here, don't say I didn't warn you. The following graphic shows pictures of Timmy K from 2012 to 2004 in descending order, cropped from the team picture for that year.

OFFICIAL FINDINGS:
Clearly, Timmy K was wearing this same shirt in 2009, making it officially 4 YEARS IN-A-ROW!!!

Unfortunately, careful forensic experiments were unable to determine whether this same polo was worn in 2008. While an argument could be made that the feminine Lilac colored collar in that photo proves it's a different shirt, this expert is not convinced. First : The quality of the league digital camera has always been suspect, but certainly was inferior in 2008 and earlier. In other words, what looks purple here may in fact be gray. Also: We don't know how much bleach Timmy K used in his wash that year.

What we do know for certain is that in the last almost full decade, Timmy K wore a different shirt at least for one day back in 2005.

Anyone notice any other disturbing trends over the years? I stopped the graphic at 2004 quite simply because no photos exist for 2003, 2002, or 2001. I did, however, find a folder labeled "2000" on my computer, and I found the following team photo... Tests are still being undertaken so check back later for textile results.


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Snapper News for Week 11 (July 19, 2012)
POSTED: July 24, 2012 By: Snapper

Weekly Kudos: Congrats to Greenies winners each from the last group of the day - Little Timmie Kachelski and Boob Baughman. The 5-hole went to Chris CMoney Carlson and no surprise that is. Chris carded a season best score for him of "39" actual with a whopping "28" low net, which is far and away the season low net and possibly the low net forever for the league. we'll check that and get back with ya but GREAT JOB CHRIS!!! Welcome back Paul Wojdylak, having family and work obligations taking him from us much of the season. He comes back and as Jamie put it: "He didn't play very well and still parred the nine!" Nice 36 actual Paul and way to help him out-partner Matt on the blind draw skin hole scoffin up a $52 carryover skins pot!!

2 birdies for Rey Farah. Welcome Jerry Carlson out for the 1st time subbing this year carded double nickels but blew his partner away by 7 strokes net!! ouch!

Thank you Micha Fulgham, not only for subbing and bringing your Dada as well but for keeping score for your foursome. You confused the hell out of me by putting squares around your bogeys and everyone else's as well. This is a perfectly legitimate thing to do on weekend golf but did you forget???? On this league BOGEYS ARE GOOD. (or at least they are average) I keep track of everything on the card better than bogey for sheet stats by circling pars and double circling birds and triple circling Eagles, and then I get to your card. How many circles (is that another damn square?) hahaha. Shut up Jamie. I know you don't like circling pars.

AOTD? Only a few strained nominations and no winner winner chicken dinner.

Exception to an exception?: RULES, RULES, pesky old rules. We do have an issue to discuss next week. Team Cooper/Hochstein turned in a scorecard in absencia (through their 2 subs Kevin & Keith) The scorecard is correct in addition and handicap calculations and every other respect except 1. The problem is they did the same thing through the same 2 subs the week prior. Our forfeit Rule says if no regular team member shows up they forfeit the match and get "0" points which is what we actually did for years before Cowan & Peltier raised a ruckus (not really) but did cause us a few years ago to write a specific exception to this rule and name it after them. It says basically that a team can send 2 subs with no regular member once per year and score points fordeiting only the 4 match points. The reasons for the rule and exceptions have made sense to us over the years. As a small league (16 some years) we wanted everyone to show to make it fun. With work and family obligations, not to mention summer vacations, it is reasonable to assume both team members might be gone the same week at some point during the season. I do not know Coop or Galaxy Ken's reasons for not being here 2 weeks in a row. I assume they are reasonable. We do not have a small league anymore and the subs have been here before, we know them and they are fun guys. It would not seem unreasonable to allow further exceptions to the rule. However, retroactive exceptions to rules are something that needs full approval from league members as to what you want your rules to be, and while it should not matter, the truth is it makes a helluva difference in the standings. Cooper and Hochstein have been kicking all of our asses when here, and way out in 1st place unless they get zero points as the rule reads and as I have been duty bound to log on the league stats thus far. Now they are no longer in 1st place. I don't want anyone mad or upset. Lets talk about it at the league meeting?? It's 11 points we are talking about and again, nobody brought this to my attention or complained. I saw it myself and the 11 points have not been awarded unless or until the league tells me otherwise.

YEAR END SCRAMBLE DINNER: Again, don't forget to mark your calendars Snappers. We are finishing the league this year on Sunday, September 9, 2012 at Apple Mountain in Freeland.

GO SNAPPERS!!

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Snapper News for Week 12 (July 26, 2012)
POSTED: July 28, 2012 By: DaBlade

Weekly Kudos:
Greenies winners were Dave Wolfenden (NOT in the last group, if I really need to state the obvious) and Herb Green (who WAS in the last group. Hmmm.) No winner for Team Skins, so rest up and drink fluids in preparation for next week's carry-over! The 5-hole went to Tom Harrison after a 4-hole push was broken (sorry Paulie). Tom Harrison's 37 ACTUAL/26 NET was also good enough to snag Low Actual for the week and Low Net for Snapper eternity (?) Wow! (sorry Chris, records are made to be broken bro) Tom's scorecard also created some controversy in the AOTD section that we'll get to in a moment. Nice job Tom! Low scores were the norm, as league average for the night was 46/36, so give yourself a pat on the back boys!

Also noteworthy:
Snapper shot his first ever "all bogie" round of 45. It took several long, prayerful putts to get it done, but he wins this week's "Consistently Mediocre" award. Congrats to Team Cooper/Hochstein for scoring 15 points this night - the 4 points they earned during league play, PLUS the *11 points graciously awarded by the league quorum majority vote (see below). You're welcome Larry and Ken. Place your beer orders boys! (not you Steve, but we'll get to that).

Quorum Bidness:
As you may recall, Team Cooper/Hochstein sent two subs on 7/12 and 7/19, thereby violating Special Rule 5a, a/k/a the "Cowan/Peltier Revision", which would allow them to do this only once per season, with the only penalty being the loss of the 4 match points to their shunned opponents. When Snapper later noticed the violation from 7/19, the 11 points earned by their subs were stricken from the record books pursuant to the letter of the above rule. Realizing that some laws may not be just, moral or fair (see current regime in Washington), and not wanting to set a precedent of unilaterally exerting authoritarian control over the league, (*snicker*) Snapper decided to put the issue up for a league vote to determine if the rule should be reaffirmed, amended or rescinded retroactively.

As the Snappers finished their rounds with dark storm clouds ominously approaching, they forewent the dry docked beer boat - instead gathering on the more sea worthy covered patio deck of the clubhouse. OK, screw the melodramatic preamble. When Larry and Ken were given the chance to address the charges, they offered the timeless "ignorance of the law" excuse. Their emotional plea garnered an almost unanimous vote to strike the rule retroactively, and award the 11 points back.

Special Rule 5b, a/k/a the Cooper/Hochstein rescission: Hereby, this Thursday, July 26, in the Year of our Lord 2012, amends and/or rescinds Special Rule 5a to allow teams to use two subs as often as they desire. The subs will be allowed to compete in the "hole by hole" scoring, but the match points will be forfeit to the opponents. All other provisions, declarations and expectations not directly addressed in 5b remain in force.

ScheduleGate Controversy
I received numerous complaints regarding the schedule and assertions that teams were scheduled to play certain other teams 3 or 4 times, while not scheduled to play other teams all season. Also, the perpetual scheduled tee time complaint. Knowing I spent quite some time before the season working with Snapper on this season's schedule to prevent these issues, I took these complaints to heart. So, after spending over an hour investigating these complaints, I am prepared to make my ruling.

OFFICIAL RULING: Management will no longer entertain schedule complaint issues. Ever.

While not perfect, the schedule as written is fine. As to the first complaint regarding an alleged disparate distribution of competitive pairings, please keep a few things in mind. First, your team is one of 14 teams. We have a 17-week schedule, with 2 position rounds built in. Therefore, in the other 15 weeks, you will play 11 teams once and 2 teams twice. Position rounds are wildcards. It is possible for you to play the same team four times during the season ( if position rounds pit you against the team you are hard-wired to double-up) and some teams zero times (if there is a rainout or a team is on vacation for the only week you are scheduled to play them). While maybe not ideal to your preference, it is NOT a flaw in the schedule. For reference, the following are the hard-wired duplicate pairings for the year...

(Not counting position rounds)
Team 1 plays everyone once, and Team 2 and Team 11 twice.
Team 2 plays everyone once, and Team 1 and Team 7 twice.
Team 3 plays everyone once, and Team 6 and Team 10 twice.
Team 4 plays everyone once, and Team 5 and Team 7 twice.
Team 5 plays everyone once, and Team 4 and Team 6 twice.
Team 6 plays everyone once, and Team 3 and Team 5 twice.
Team 7 plays everyone once, and Team 2 and Team 4 twice.
Team 8 plays everyone once, and Team 11 and Team 14 twice.
Team 9 plays everyone once, and Team 12 and Team 13 twice.
Team 10 plays everyone once, and Team 3 and Team 12 twice.
Team 11 plays everyone once, and Team 1 and Team 8 twice.
Team 12 plays everyone once, and Team 9 and Team 10 twice.
Team 13 plays everyone once, and Team 9 and Team 14 twice.
Team 14 plays everyone once, and Team 8 and Team 13 twice.

As to the tee time complaint that "we're always scheduled last!"... Again, as written, the schedule is fine. Over the course of the season (not counting position rounds) every team is scheduled ON AVERAGE to tee off 4th. Since actually scheduling every pairing 4th every night would defy Einstein's theory of golfativity, I tried to evenly distribute first tee through last tee times over the season (so that the average was 4th off). Everyone was scheduled to tee off first a few times over the year. HOWEVER, hypothetically speaking, if a certain arrogant and narcissistic team decides to ignore the schedule and jump the league's first tee time every week, the official league schedule cannot be blamed. What if another league member had to drive all night to Florida after the league and wouldn't be amused by being bumped even one tee slot because of this? I doubt that could happen though. Who would be that inconsiderate?

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Snapper News for Week 13 (August 2, 2012)
POSTED: August 4, 2012 By: DaBlade

Weekly Kudos:
Greenies winners were Paul Wojdylak and Steve Markunas. The 5-hole went to Ron Hamon. Another team skin carry-over making a $52 skin pot for next week. Low Actual was Paul Wojo's "39". Ron Hamon shot the Low Net "32". Nice job guys!

Noteworthy
Wolf and Steve breathed the rarified and pungent air of the last group to tee off. Why? With Snapper on vacation, I was in possession of the sheets, scorecards and manbag. I did not arrive to the tee until 5PM, a mere 7 minutes BEFORE the first official Snapper tee time (but about 10 minutes AFTER Wolf and Steve's average tee time). MUCH THANKS to Wolf and Steve for this self-sacrifice in order to collect the weekly game fee in my absence. So boys, what did you think about the back row?

On an unrelated topic, what's better - the front seat of a rollercoaster or back seat? (and how does this relate to my league tee time?)

"The best seat on a coaster, then, is a matter of personal taste. If you love the feeling of weightlessness, head for the back. If you want the best view of the action, head for the front. The cars in the middle provide the weakest ride, but it's a good bet you'll still have a good time. There isn't really a bad place to sit on a roller coaster, as long as you're strapped into a seat."

And there isn't really a bad place to tee off on the Snapper golf league, as long as you have a beverage and are wearing a cup. Of course, the last group on a coaster (or on league night) has an extra concern...

YOUR OLYMPIC UPDATE (here)
The U.S. men's Olympic basketball team rewrote the record books Thursday in a 156-73 romp over Nigeria, an epic blowout! "Our guys just couldn't miss," said coach Mike Krzyzewski, upset by accusations he ran up the score.

In an unrelated epic blowout, team Cowan/Peltier spanked team Thomas/McGuffee by the score of 19 to 3. Scott did not share coach K's uncomfortable disposition, as he could literally not wipe the smile off his face after the round.

"When they shoot like this, I don't know if there is any team that can beat them," said Ike Diogu from team Nigeria.

Meanwhile, Bob and Dave left the course immediately following round and were unavailable to comment on Scott and Steve's invincibility.

It was a night of blowouts, as the "Last Week's Points" column on the sheet will attest. The only "close" matches belonged to Paul and Matt vs Fred and Tim (12 to 10) and Jamie and Herb vs Wolf and Steve (11 points each). Of course, sticking with the Olympics B-Ball comparison and the odds of winning a medal- these matches would be as exciting as watching Kazakhstan vs Belarus.

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Snapper News for Week 14 (August 9, 2012)
POSTED: August 15 2012 By: Snapper

Weekly Kudos:
Greenies winners were Rick Carlson & Tom Harrison. The 5-hole went to Rick Carlson. Another team skin carry-over making a $78 skin pot to start for next week. Low Actual was Paul Wojo's "38". Rick Carlson shot the Low Net "30". Nice job guys!

AOTD:
No assholes/…no nominations... very calm night.
Noteworthy?: Nothing much of anything except for the fact that our golf league last week enjoyed the only 3.5 hour rain-free window in which it was possible to play golf the entire day…not a one of us believed everyone would finish the round comfortably... but we did.

So lemme tell ya couple jokes:
1. My trip to the store

There was a bit of confusion at the store this morning. When I was ready to pay for my groceries, the cashier said, "Strip down facing me." Making a mental note to complain to my congressman about Homeland Security running amok, I did just as she had instructed.

When the hysterical shrieking and alarms finally subsided, I found out that she was referring to my credit card. I have been asked to shop elsewhere in the future.

They need to make their instructions to us seniors a little clearer!

2. The owner of a golf course in Georgia was confused about paying an invoice, so he decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help. He called her into his office and said, "Y'all graduated from the University of Georgia and I need some help. If I wuz to give yew $20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?" The secretary thought a moment, and then replied, "Everthang but my earrings."

3. I was in a Howell pub last Saturday night, and drank a few, and noticed two very large women by the bar. They both had pretty strong accents, so I asked, "Hey, are you two ladies from Ireland?"

One of them chirped saying, "It's WALES, you friggin' idiot!"

So, I immediately apologized and said, "I'm sorry, are you two WHALES from Ireland ?"

That's pretty much the last thing I remember...

GO SNAPPERS!!

YEAR END SCRAMBLE DINNER: Again …Don't forget to mark your calendars Snappers as we are finishing the league this year on Sunday, September 9, 2012 at Apple Mountain in Freeland... If you cannot go tell me asap!!!

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Snapper News for Week 15 (August 16, 2012)
POSTED: August 22 2012 By: Snapper

Weekly Kudos:
Greenies winners were Paul Wojo (more on him later) and Bob MaGuffee. The 5-hole went to Ken Hochstein (the first such award for him for the year) with a NET "2". Way to go Galaxy Ken. Another team skin carry-over making a $102 skin pot to start for next week. We need to decide how to break the pot next week (last week) if it is not broken. Two ideas come to mind. First if we don't have a skin on the first blind draw... draw again. A new hole everybody's in. I like this one - continue drawing holes until there is a skin. Second, redraw if no skin the first time but only allow those teams tying the previous draw to play. Thirdly, it is possible though unlikely that redrawing with everyone back in each time could result in 9 ties. How 'bout if that happens and only if that happens then go back and see how option 2 would work as the final tie breaker? (ok unless you guys vote me down that is what we will do next week for whatever is still in the pot.

Mucho Kudos to Paul Throesch carding a six (6) par round for an actual "41" Nice job!!!!!... but not too nice.

Paul Wojdylak only had four (4) pars. The other five (5) holes were birdies for an actual round of "31". WTF????... wow!!!!!!!!!

Low Actual was Paul Wojo's "31". Low Net Paul Wojo's "29". Nice job guys!

Noteworthy:
We have two weeks to go and only one Eagle carded…….We have 7 guys still searching Birdies. We have 5 guys who are "Ball less" (ie without a golf ball award of low actual low net or aotd) if you cant post a low round you better start looking at the asshole award cuz you're runnin out of time!

GO SNAPPERS!!

YEAR END SCRAMBLE DINNER:
Again Don't forget, we are finishing the league this year on Sunday, September 9, 2012 at Apple Mountain in Freeland.. Tee times at 9:30am. If you cannot go tell me asap as we select evenly weighted/hdcped teams!!!

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Snapper News for Week 16 (August 23, 2012)
POSTED: August 24 2012 By: Snapper

Weekly Kudos (Lets here some "atta boys!!!):
Greenies winners were Jamie Leece & Tom Harrison. Bill "Pic Pic" Cape carded his sole par for the round (his 7th of the season) but did it, you guessed it Jamie, on the 5 hole where his 2 dings gave him a net "2" and winna winna chicken dinna.

Tom Harrison carded the best round of the day (well ok so our own professional golfer Paul Woj tied him) with an actual "38". Tom also takes the low net for the week with a nice "33".

Skins you ask?????... No Sir. We have now done what we have never done before by failing to break the skin pot for 5 consecutive weeks. We start out next week with $130 in the pot not including the $26 more we will collect at the start from you all. This pot will be broken as follows: continuous hole by hole blind draw one hole at a time with one tie all tie and everybody back in for the next draw. in the unlikely event that we find no skin for any of the 9 holes we will tie break by checking cards for holes already drawn in order but eliminating those teams who did not tie the low team net one hole at a time. then while I cannot imagine it happening if we have no winner we will go to the putting green if daylight allows or simply cut cards.

We awarded Majestic Beer Babe of the Week Award to Beth who faithfully served us all year long with never a sniff of the award previously, Thanks & congratulations BETH.

This &That? we have had 35 rounds by 16 different subs this year 6 of whom now have established hndcps with 3+ scores. contrasted with 10 guys with perfect attendance so far (Nakes, TK, Steve, Jamie,Herb, Throesch, Barnett, Peltier & Maguff).. We give golf balls to low net,low actual & aotd at the year end and 6 of you are currently "balless" (Barnett, Ken, Fred,Tim P, Rey & Lawless). asshole anyone? You 6 seem to be very consistent not to high not too low off your averages. speaking of consistency how bout Jamie & Herb being within 1 stroke of each other 8 of 16 weeks? Pars & Birdies??? Herbie, Little TK & Wolf are all impressive for totals this year. Woj would have more pars too if he didn't put 1 bird for every 2 pars on his card and had not missed 7 weeks. Nice job guys!

ONE MORE TIME SHALL WE???? IT IS POSITION ROUND & LAST ROUND OF LEAGUE FOR 2012, 4 teams have a mathematical shot at winning and 5 teams have a shot at last place. the rest of us will just get drunk and play!!!!

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Snapper News for Week 17 (August 30, 2012)
POSTED: August 30 2012 By: Snapper

Weekly Kudos (Lets here some "atta boys!!!):
Greenies winners were Tim Pyeatt (his 1st greenie of the year!) & to Dave Lawless... The 5 hole went to Scott Cowan (his 1st such award of the year. way to go guys!!!! BUT that's not what anybody wanted to know, with a $156 five week carry over skin pot down to the last week of golf, everybody wanted to know: "WHAT IS THE SKIN HOLE?" before the fateful hole was drawn blind as usual by a disinterested party (this week I selected my own partner Don Savoie as he and I were both convinced that drawing any one of the 9 possibilities as we had to do would be of absolutely no consequence to us as we had not a chance in Hell AT THE GLORY. AS USUAL MANY TEAMS SHOUTED OUT THEIR CHOICES AS Don approached the box. many more thought they had no chance at all, the consensus predraw seemed to be the 1st par 3 hole #4 always a fun short little hole with many low scores. many teams in the clubhouse early had two pars carded but alas because the hole is easy it is the number 9 handicap hole and the teams in early with a team "6" had no cap to make it lower. until team Woj came in and posted a net team "5" and only one score card to dodge. oh the anticipation as we awaited the scorecard of teams Pyeatt/Schall and Cape/Lawless. When they arrived they asked also WHAT IS THE SKIN HOLE?... it seems they had only one chance to win in their opinion ie hole #4 the short easy par 3 Lawless had birdied and Cape had pared with a hdcp "ding"... there it was checked... dble checked... triple checked a net "4" and as we say: WINNA WINNA CHICKEN DINNA! the jubilation of the moment as $156 smakeroonies was placed into Capes open hand was exceeded only by the look of sheer horror as he realized what was coming next: BEER orders from the other 27 guys all of whom had stuck around this last night of golf. Dutifully and to the appreciation of all... Cape & Lawless marched inside and after ringing the bell for service an astonishingly aggravating number of times... they purchased their case of Labatt Blue for $72, Plus$7 tip which Pic Pic quickly added. I only wish we had had a camera at the ready as the entire league on the last night of golf on the patio saluted and cheered the boys as if they were heroes and heroes they truly were for WHAT IS THE BEST KIND OF BEER?............... FREE BEER!!!!!!

Lawless had come down from Gaylord and headed back after the round for the sole purpose of sharing our camaraderie, skinning us and taking a greenie for gas money were just bonuses.

The next thing everyone wanted to know is: WHO WON THE LEAGUE?..... newbies Larry Cooper & Ken Hochstein won that's who! but it came down apparently to the final hole of the year as they won by a single point. Nice Job Guys! After the skin was determined we also asked: WHO WON LAST PLACE?...and with a big grin Cape & Lawless said "not us, they're in the parking lot". then they forked over the scorecard and there was not a single hole or score calculated tallied or added up. When I called this to their attention, they simply replied, "Oh No.. We beat 'em". and they did. congratulations to our 2012 last place Snappers Team Tim Pyeatt and Fred Schall - also newbies and great guys.

HOW DID SNAPPERS FARE UNDER THE PRESSURE OF LAST CHANCE POSITION ROUND PLAY? Team Throesch improved 2 spots jumping teams Cowan/Peltier & Carlson/Savoie. Team Farah/Nesgoda dropped 2 spots in the standings and everyone else finished the year right where they had started the night. Of 28 players, only 6 rounds were under their average (22 guys were not) there were 5 birdies posted including Paul Throesch with his 1st of the year. there were also four "9"s carded... nine "8"s and 3 maxout "7"s on par 3s. Paul Woj shot his season average ho hum "39" for the low actual and partner Matt Woj carded a net "31". that sounds like pressure play to me - wohoo boys!!!

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