Snapper News!

2011 Snapper Weekly News

Revamped Website For 2011! 
Week 1 (May 5, 2011) SARAH is our first MBBOW Winner! 
Week 2 (May 12, 2011) Schedule Anamoly Breaks Space-time Continuum 
Week 3 (May 19, 2011) Rule 6(a) 2011 Darren Bentley Exclusion 
Week 4 (May 26, 2011)Capt'n Bill Multiple Choice Quiz 
Week 5 (June 2, 2011)Rangé - They're Spectacular! 
Week 6 (June 9, 2011) 
Down 'N Dirty Wk 8 and 9 (June 23, 30) 
UPDATE for Week 10 (July 7, 2011)"IRON MAN" Bob Thomas 
R.I.P. MARK BLEVINS - Aka: "The Assassin" - aka: "Smooth" - aka: "Markie Mark" 
Week 12 (July 21, 2011)Constitutional Crisis Narrowly Averted! 
Wk 13 and 14 (7/28 and 8/4)CAPE SCORES BIRDIE! 
Week 15 (August 11)Golf Joke Fillers 
Week 16 (August 18)"CART 79 WHERE ARE YOU?!" 
Week 17 (August 25) 
FINAL YEAR END Snapper Bites: (September 1) 
Copper Hills Scramble Results (September 11) 

2011 Season will kick off with a revamped website
Posted: April 18, 2011

As I write this, it's tax day, the temps are in the low 30s and there is a return of snow accumulation covering area lawns and links. In other words, we are just a few weeks away from the start of the 2011 golf season! As friends and family are aware, I have returned from my working stint spent in Wisconsin during last season (on my own accord this time) and no longer have the excuse of a 6 hour commute keeping me from the league. However, after much hand-wringing I have decided not to re-join the league in a full time fashion, but hopefully will be in a better position to do so next year. Unlike last year however, I am available for subbing and already have the first few weeks penciled in spelling Papa Snap. Get me on the dance card soon though, as I'm sure my services will be in hot demand!

Now to the immediate order of business. As you can see, the website has experienced a slight makeover, complete with a new masthead that has received mixed reviews. OK, that is an over-statement. There has only been one review in the guestbook which reads...

What is your name? Sum Yung Gai
How did you find this website? NOT Manly
Where are you from? Hangzhou
Please enter your comments? New site rooking girlie with frowahs on lettahs.

What next, Nakes dive into rake weahing bikini?

So in the spirit of our democracy (*harumpf*) tell me what you think.

Thanks for the input. See ya soon! GO SNAPPERS!

Updated masthead coming soon!
Posted: April 27, 2011

The votes have spoken. The flowers will soon wither and be replaced by something a bit more manly (but sadly less fragrant). I have hired a starving artist to complete the alterations and am anxiously awaiting his work. Apparently his school work is taking priority just this minute.

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UPDATE for Week 1 (May 5, 2011)
Posted: May 10, 2011

Congrats! SARAH is our first MBBOW Winner!

Any Challenges this year???... WOLF/JAMIE CHALLENGE ($5/week): DO we have one of these to follow this year?... PIC-PIC/MARKIE MARK SEASON PAR CHALLENGE: Is this on again or not? (can Jamie get in?)

CUDOS: Darren & Darren nice "45" "45" actual actual "35" "35" net net.. Can I get a witness??/ I mean can I get a partner???... Can I get an Amen??? Speaking of Darren's current lack of partner - Let's everybody Clap it up for Reliable Rey who backed out 4 days before league - Unless or until partnered up, Darren will double his score and double his handicap and be relieved of the 4 point forfeiture rule for failing to have a full 2 man line up since I will try to be relieved of paying for 20 guys since we only have 19 unless we get it filled quickly.

Also..Paul Wojo picked up where he left off last year making each of us his personal BITCHES! 38 actual, 36 net team skins and a greenie Ho Hum!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GOOD Start Snappers!!!!!! We had a number of pars and birdies and now have only three guys who have failed to log a score for the season less than Bogie.Markie-Mark..Cape & Jamie. Keep trying guys.

Way to go Snapper who listened complacently to the pro shop explanation of why we had to cart it over to #10 this week having something or other to do with an unfortunately broken hydraulic thingy (due to malfeasance of either Capt Brad or Capt Bill no doubt - my money's on that Brad character...) that was going to cost whatever those things cost only to dispassionately retort on the way out the door: "SUCK IT UP & GET IT FIXED BY NEXT TIME GUYS!!!".

Oh and one more thing guys - CMoney, who as you know collects the weekly bet money each week has asked me to remind you that only official United States currency legal tender will be accepted as payment of bet money, he does not mind having to count the wad of crumpled bills misrepresented to him each week to in fact total $7 (Pic Pic) only to be met with the tired feigned response of "When did it go up?" when he finds only 4 or 5 bucks, but PLEEEASE - no Monopoly Money - Disney Dollars or (and this means you especially Pic Pic ) no OBAMA BUCKS!!!


By popular demand - 2010 team pictures!
Posted: May 17, 2011 By: DaBlade

Ask and you shall receive... well, kind of. As webmaster extraordinaire of the Snapper League golfsite, the fact that it is now 2011 and the 2009 Team Gallery has been on display under the "Photos" tab has not escaped me - but special "thanks" to all who reminded me on the post-round beerboat last week. Go check out the progress of the gallery update, as new photos have been added. Yes, I am aware I am using 2010 photos for the 2011 gallery.

UPDATE: Snapper insisted I post the 2010 gallery and that C-Money would be around snapping pics for this year.

Team photos from the 2010 Yr-end scramble at the Orchards in Romeo are now also included in the photos section!

More updates are coming, so keep those collars pressed and spikes polished soldier!

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UPDATE for Week 2 (May 12, 2011)
Posted: May 18, 2011 By: DaBlade

Cudos to Matt Wojo for bagging the league's first eagle of the year!

Week 1 Beer Babe Sarah exhibited such enthusiasm and appreciation for the award, it was decided that her attitude alone has earned her yet another week as our official MBBOTW!

ATTENTION: Chris "C-Money" wants me to announce Thursday as picture day. Apparently, I will be pressured into uploading the 2011 photo gallery prior to the year 2013.

And now for something completely different...
Snapper's email to me Wednesday evening
ps would you doublecheck the schedule for the season on the worksheet? somehow timmy pointed out i had 3 groups playing wrong teams week one according to the schedule on the sheet.... so i went back on worksheet and put in for week one who everyone really played then found the next time they were to play those guys and changed those matchups to what was on the schedule.... you follow me? what i did not do is consider whether this screws up your formulas preprogrammed or whether the schedule has anyone playing anyone else more than twice other than position rounds cuz that should not happen.... im too tired to check it now...thanks bro

First, let me just give a special thanks to Tim for pointing out the schedule "was wrong", as it did not accurately predict the first week chaos caused by the broken pontoon boat - which in turn led to Snapper's doomed "Donner Party" wagon train of golfers through the woods, only to be cut off from civilization by downed trees over the trail - which in turn led to a sheet-less group of golfers winging it at the first teebox by forming their own pairings.

And now for Snapper's SHOCKING "fix" of what was once my scientifically tuned schedule. (Please be seated and buckle up before continuing) As you can see, Snapper inadvertently tore the fabric of space/time and triggered a sort of reversegrandfather paradox when he went into the future of the schedule and tried to fix it. As every Timmy knows, the grandfather paradox has to do with an individual traveling BACK in time and murdering his biological grandfather BEFORE he bangs and conceives the dude's parent - thereby preventing his own birth and future Grandpacide - meaning his Grandpa DOES end up getting some - setting into motion the time traveler's conception and murderous intent - thus creating a paradox with each possibility implying its own negation.

"But Blade, the above has to do with the paradox created when traveling BACK in time and changing events. Snapper went into the schedule's FUTURE."

Well something broke! Team 8 has two matches scheduled on 5/26 while Team 10 doesn't play (with roles reversed the next week). These teams have to be in two places at once. Kind of blows your mind, don't it? Mess with the future again and Biff might supplant SnapDaddy as the league's president. Don't worry, working against the clock (and in the fourth dimension), I successfully patched this scheduling anomaly using string theory and a pot of coffee.

I hope this serves as a lesson for those who would switch up the official schedule and tempt space-time distortion.

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UPDATE for Week 3 (May 19, 2011)
Posted: May 20, 2011 By: Snapper

Do your part: Join Pic Pic (left) and help DaBlade (right) win the annual Greg Groesser/Don Savoie "Free Golf Award". Call him to sub 4 u today!

WOLF/JAMIE $5 Weekly Challenge:
Jamie "40" Wolf "42" season running total (Wolf + $5)

Markie Mark 1 Pic Pic 0 (Jamie 0)

Markie Mark 0 Pic Pic 0

ATTENTION: 2011 Picture Day went off without a hitch...except that team Woj/Woj, team Cape/Lawless, team Darren/Darren all need to arrange a makeup when all team members are present.

Official Rule Change: From time to time and only when previously unanticipated league participant behavior mandates it, our rules have to be changed to deal with whatever the yahoos have made us deal with... we try to discourage such behavior by naming the rules after those who have forced us to make a rule applicable to the entire league just for them but we always seem to get something new. This year for the first time in the history of the league we are forced to answer the question "What do you do with a 1 man team in a 2 man team league?" Following is our established rule 6 which clearly does not account for the situation of only one team member showing up when the team only has one team member:

"6. When only one team member shows up and has no sub for his absent partner, his handicap is doubled, as is his hole by hole score and matched against the opposition for purposes of hole by hole points; However, the 4 match points are forfeited to the opposing team;"

Resolved: The following shall be and is added to this rule as official text of league rule 6:

Rule 6(a) 2011 Darren Bentley Exclusion... Since Darren's presumed partner Rey Farah (aka Reliable Rey) pimped out of the partnership a few days before league, Darren being willing to play with himself (doubled score/doubled hndcap) is excluded from the 4 match point forfeit rule applicable to everyone else.

Rule 6(b) 2011 Reliable Rey Exception to the 2011 Darren Bentley exclusion: Since Rey wishes to golf with Darren when he feels like it without prior commitment, and Darren is cool with that, Rey and/or anyone else wishing to do so any particular week shall golf with Darren, pay $25 for greens fees to Snapper who in turn will purchase weekly green fees that week for the extra player that week since the Majestic is charging us only for 19 spots.

Updated sheet coming soon (maybe Monday?)


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UPDATE for Week 4 (May 26, 2011)
Posted: May 30, 2011 By: DaBlade

Rained out. Well that was easy! There was some buffoonary under the covered beer deck, but I will leave that to Snapper to report.

In other news: My artist has completed the new Snapper header which should now be proudly displayed atop this webpage. Refresh (F5) your screen if necessary. Nice job Adam! Invoked your artistic license by leaving the daisys I see. Classes it up I say.

UPDATED UPDATE for Week 4 (May 26, 2011)
Posted: June 1, 2011 By: Snapper

Dave ThomasCudos to Snapper Dave Thomas who on his own time out sharpening his game for Snapper League play carded his 1st ever "Hole in One" Saturday, May 28, 2011 at hole #8 Shepherd's Hollow Clarkston, Mi. a 146 yard par 3 with a single swing of his 8 iron. Snappers, Rick Carlson and Bob Maguffee were witnesses.

As the wind whipped across Lake Walden, pelting the side of Captn Bill's face as he sat "at the ready" behind the steering wheel of the ole pontoon ready to ferry Snappers across to hole #10 suddenly it occurred to him... (they should be here by now) after checking with the pro shop by walkie talkie he was informed that the Snapper League was on the deck, warm and dry nonchalantly discussing whether to take an official vote on what everyone knew would result in cancellation of league play.

The always polite and jovial Capt'n Bill, after securing the boat, came to the deck to confront those who had stood him up and said which of the following?:

A. Thought you were a mens league!!!
B. What an absolute bunch of pussies!!!
C. How bout a little game of "man overboard" today Nakes?
D. You're going out aren't you Markie Mark?
E. All of the above
F. A & B of the above
G. none of the above


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UPDATE for Week 5 (June 2, 2011)
Posted: June 7, 2011 By: Snapper


WOLF/JAMIE $5 Weekly Challenge: Jamie "39" Wolf "38".
Season running total (Wolf + $10)

ASSHOLE OF THE DAY, June 2, 2011:
None deserving and therefore to maintain the integrity of our esteemed award none is awarded this week.

team Woj/Woj, team Cape/Lawless, team Darren/Darren all need to arrange a makeup when all team members are present ...please step up to Chris when ready

HERB GREEN even par 36 round
Paul Wojo - 7 pars & 1 birdie in a single 9 hole round you shittn me?????
Captain Jeff: What a comfortable, easy, relaxing pontoon boat ride across the lake - wow. Captn Brad & Captn Bill maybe should get a lesson or two from you.

Injury Report: SnapDaddie about to go on the 15 day disabled list. Maguff gonna get something or other stuck up his ass on purpose. Dave Lawless keeps threatening a physician initiated hiatus of some sort UPDATE: He is now officially short an organ! Damn it boys! Lets all shake it off and get back to the comradarie and ridicule only the league can provide asap!!!!


Rangé - They're Spectacular!
Posted: June 2, 2011 By: DaBlade

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UPDATE for Week 6 (June 9, 2011)
Posted: June 13, 2011 By: DaBlade

WOLF/JAMIE $5 Weekly Challenge: Jamie "41" Wolf "44".
Season running total (Wolf + $5)

CAPE/BLEVINS SEASON PAR/BIRDIE CHALLENGES: No changes, as Markie Mark was conspicuously absent while Pic Pic "didn't get anywhere near" either goal.

Majestic News: On Thursday, June 23rd, there will not be any pre-league golf allowed, as the course will be hosting a large outing. This will include a lack of access to the range. Please plan accordingly.

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UPDATE for Week 7 (June 16, 2011)
Posted: June 17, 2011 By: DaBlade

WOLF/JAMIE $5 Weekly Challenge: Jamie "45" Wolf "46".
Season running total is ALL TIED UP

Injury Report Update: SnapDaddie is doing fine and taking a couple week hiatus from the league to regain his strength and belligerence, while Dave L. is back and on the attack. Markie Mark becomes the latest Snapper to succumb to the temporary inconveniences associated with old age and is said to be "week-to-week" on the decision for his return. Get well soon and hurry back boys!

Posted: June 15, 2011 By: DaBlade

expertly untangled, interpreted and parsed by the required minimum of "2 out of 3 Carlsons" for future clarification and edification.

First, the controversy: The first Position Round of the season set the 7th place team of C-money/Naked Dave against the 8th place team of Kachelski/Blevins. Since C-Money, son of SnapDaddy, opted to skip golf in order to keep vigil by his father's hospital bed after his albeit routine, yet not totally risk-free procedure - and Dave had some kind of transportation issues - two subs were secured to golf in their stead. In the other corner, Timmy did his diminutive best to fill the large golf cart all by himself, since his partner Markie Mark was a no-show - and no sub was secured to fill the Assassin's stylish spikes.

Controlling rules: First, team C-money/Naked Dave, by sending two subs, appear to be in violation of Rule 8, which reads in part,

"8. When no opposition shows, teams to whom the match has been forfeited automatically receive the 4 match points and then score points by matching their card hole by hole against another team's scorecard..."

The term "opposition" in Rule 8 has always been interpreted to stand for a league member and not a sub. In other words, two subs do not constitute "opposition". Rule 8 is not to be confused with Rule 5, which reads in part,

"5. No make-up dates are allowed; If you cannot make it, please send a sub"

Rule 5 had always been interpreted to mean that only one regular team member could have a sub on any given night, not both. That is until the passing of the Special Rule 5a, a/k/a the "Cowan/Peltier Revision", which reads in part,

"Special Rule 5a - Each team (hereinafter referred to as OFFENDING TEAM) may choose, without suffering a complete forfeit of the match, no more often than once per golf season, and not on any position round week, to refuse to show up at all for a scheduled match with an opponent, hereinafter referred to as OFFENDED TEAM , but instead to each send a substitute player in their place, which sub or subs may, but need not know anyone on the league, may, but need not be of equal or similar ability to the regular members of OFFENDING TEAM, the OFFENDED TEAM (or other Snappers for that matter), may but need not have established or partially established handicaps on the league. The "hole by hole" scoring will be accepted into the running point total in our standings for the OFFENDING TEAM but the 4 match points are forfeited as in rule 8. OFFENDED TEAM may but need not insist in a subsequent week upon adequate compensation in the form of one can of beer each from OFFENDING TEAM for their trouble..."

RULING: Chris and Dave would be covered under Special Rule 5a were it not for the "not on any position round" caveat. However, since the spirit of these rules comes down to "golf is supposed to be fun", and it's more fun to golf against someone than it is to golf alone, 2 out of 3 Carlsons agreed to strike the "not on any position round" caveat from Special Rule 5a retroactively, rather than write a C-Money/Naked Dave Exclusion Amendment 5b that pertained to family hospital vigils on position round weeks. After all, if you and your partner really conspire to send two subs on position round for the purpose of gaining an advantage (even after spotting opponents the 4 match points up front), we are not going to try and stop you. At least for now.

Therefore, Chris and Dave are allowed the "Cowan/Peltier Revision", and may keep the 6 hole-by-hole points their ringer subs secured for them. Before Kachelski or Blevins cry foul, let's take a look at Rule 6 in its complete and glorious entirety:

6. When only one team member shows up and has no sub for his absent partner, his handicap is doubled, as is his hole by hole score and matched against the opposition for purposes of hole by hole points; However, the 4 match points are forfeited to the opposing team;

Since Timmy was flying solo, Kachelski/Blevins are in violation of Rule 6 and must therefore forfeit the match points. However, the match points cannot be forfeited to their opponents in this case, as it has already been established that Chris and Dave also forfeited them.

I imagine at this point that both teams would argue they are entitled to the 4 match points from the other, citing their opponent's rule violation. A circular loop and 'round and 'round we go. Therefore, 2 out of 3 Carlsons agreed that no match points would be awarded for this match.

Finally, since Chris and Dave have been allowed relief under Special Rule 5a, they are also bound by it's entirety regarding the OFFENDED TEAM rights of "adequate compensation in the form of one can of beer each from OFFENDING TEAM for their trouble". Blevins can't possibly argue he was OFFENDED, by virtue of his absence, so his beer dowry rights would fall to Tim, who is allowed to insist on a beer from both Chris and Dave.

2 out of 3 Carlsons carried and so ordered.

Now comes the first Asshole of the Day nomination for week 7. Tim Kachelski, for carding the 4 match points in the above circumstances, with nary a word or question as to his entitlement to them, apparently hoping this dastardly deed would go unnoticed. As Snap told me in a text message on this matter...

while mistakes can be tolerated, debauchery and intent to defraud the rest of the league by awarding himself 4 match points to which he was not entitled (can't be tolerated) and (he) was the only member of this threesome present to be in a position to know the rules...

Do we get a second?

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Down 'N Dirty UPDATE for Week 8 and 9 (June 23rd and 30th, 2011)
Posted: July 7, 2011 By: DaBlade

Week 8 was rained out. Week 9 results and new sheet posted for week 10, as well as the week-by-week scores.

UPDATE for Week 10 (July 7, 2011)
Posted: July 10, 2011 By: Snapper

ASSHOLE OF THE DAY, July 7, 2011:
None deserving and therefore to maintain the integrity of our esteemed award, none is awarded this week. Not even any honorable mentions - just a lot of boring rules clarification discussions on bumping balls and changing course conditions and such. Come on people, bump it as much as you want in the same condition and if there is a fairness question to be raised it is between opponents at the time. Nobody else is there!

Paul Woj with a nice "38" actual.
Bill Cape who scored a par and quietly said nothing about it.
Darren Bentley for paying twice as much for beers for the guys as you won in 3 week carry over skin!
Captain Bill- Nice to see him back at the helm. Congrats on getting your license back... Ha!

WHAT THE #$%^??????:

One week post surgical removal of a body part through an abdominal incision and only a few hours removed from having the surgical staples taken out and his belly dressed with sterile gauze and with discharge instructions to take it easy, "IRON MAN" Bob Thomas completed his 9 hole round getting full body rotation on each swing despite the pain and obvious shirt ruining wound seepage.

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R.I.P. MARK BLEVINS - Aka: "The Assassin" - aka: "Smooth" - aka: "Markie Mark", who passed from this earth to heaven 7/12/2011

It occurred to me that Mark completes the first full Snapper foursome on the other side of the veil by joining Greg Groesser, Terry Tigner, and honorary member Donnie "The Donz" Carlson, who passed away 23 years ago today. Im sure they are getting reaquainted on the heavenly practice putting green awaiting the rest of us when we ultimately take that special pontoon ride across Lake Creation.

Until then, See you at the Majestic!

Markie "Smooth"
Posted: July 15, 2011 By: DaBlade

You will be sorely missed by your Snapper brothers. Rest in peace my friend.

Facebook Message from Rick:
Posted: July 11, 2011

My Friends who are members of the Snappers Golf League I am sorry to inform you in this manner but I have just learned our fellow Snapper and long time friend Mark Blevins with whom we golfed a mere 4 weeks ago and have had no information about since has terminal cancer is in hospice at this time...he is uanble to accept visitors or telephone calls... please respect this & pray for him & his family.

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UPDATE for Week 12 (July 21, 2011)
Posted: July 23, 2011 By: DaBlade

Lots of news and no time to report it. The new sheet is posted however. Check back later and we might explore...

* The reasons why Wolfie seems to be ducking Jamie

* What was under Nake's floppy hat (hint: mystery substance also dropped from his pant leg).

* Why the webmaster did not acknowledge the Leece greenie sweep on last week's sheet.

* How in the world the league's supposed shooters let two subs walk in and steal some of the game stakes. ie: Doyne, with his Jamie-cutting almost-ace greenie - and Blade, with his spectacular par on the 5-hole (net two) which he followed by an awe-inspiring 'eleven' on the very next hole.

Snapper Constitutional Crisis Narrowly Averted!
Posted: July 21, 2011 By: DaBlade

Tonight is a position round week, with pairings determined by total team points to date. We have had point ties on position weeks, but have always been able to slot teams appropriately by awarding team with lowest composite team average to the higher seed. While this was also the case this week, it was a close call to an absolute tie (which our current rules do not address). Rick and Don have a year-to-date composite average of 99.17. Chris and Dave come in at 99.00, giving them the higher seed. Now please refer to Rule #9 below.

9. The tie breaker to determine position round match-ups will use composite team averages, with the lower team average getting the higher seed. Year end tie breaker to determine position in final standings will use points earned in all "head-to-head" match-ups between the tied teams during the year (even if one or more subs were involved). Second tie breaker will be composite averages, and the third tie breaker a Carlson coin flip.

As you can see, 2nd and 3rd tie-breakers are stated ONLY for determining FINAL standings position. Whew! I'm sure you all join me in breathing a sigh of relief for this close call.

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UPDATE for Week 13 and 14 (July 28 and August 4)
Posted: August 10, 2011 By: Snapper


Paul Wojo: Nice 1 under par "35".
And how about the rest of that scorecard.what a match - Paul, Jamie and Herb managed to put circles around 24 of the total 27 holes carded last week including a birdie and 8 pars for Paul, 8 pars for Jamie and an eagle for Herb. WOW!!!

Rick Carlson (yours truly) rode the back of his partner Don and with a good draw of the 5hole for skins which Don birdied and Snapper parred got paid 4 times (3 weeks skins and the 5 hole).

Speaking of myself how bout an atta boy for somehow paying even par for 4 of 9 holes and then going 16 over the other 5 holes for "52" - how do you do that????

Idle thoughts on the yearlong worksheet stats:

Only 2 guys remain without a birdie. Snapper and Dave Thomas. Do I smell a new challenge?

Chris Carlson needs one good hole to be crowned "crossword/soduko champ". only an eagle is left to fill in every single line of accomplishments.

Contrasted with Bill Cape who has some work to do. 7 empty spaces remain (6 hard ones and an AOTD) although he does have one more birdie than Snap & Dave T.

Beware of Matt Woj who is always up to a challenge with good friend Chris Carlson. if Matt manages a low actual score one week we might expect some intentionally assholish behavior to be forthcoming??????

Finally: how bout this exchange of text messages this week between Snapper and last week first time sub young Josh Stead who enjoyed our company so much that he asked Snapper for a waiting list entry to the North trip before he left:

Snapper: Hey Josh Rick Carlson from the Snappers golf league. I do have a spot for you on the north trip if u wanna go. I need your response asap and email contact info
Josh: Hey Sir I wanna go for sure here is email.
Snapper: Ok I am sending details by email now. don't call me Sir again or I will kick your young ass.
Josh: Ok sounds good, lol ok my apologies.


Posted: July 25, 2011 By: DaBlade

On a typical week, SnapDaddy will email me a worksheet file with all the information needed to update the next sheet. Sometimes he will get this to me "early" (Wednesday)and sometimes late (15 minutes before league starts). With Snapper in Daytona Beach attempting to escape the Michigan heat, I once again have full control of the Snapper football (a/k/a: the "manbag").

I was proud of myself for having updated next week's sheet so quickly - that is until I received a voicemail message from Pic Pic berating me for not giving him credit for his birdie. This is just the latest in a recent long line of errors I've been making when updating player individual awards and stats. However, averages and handicaps have remained error-free, presumably because the spreadsheet formulas calculate these automatically for me and doesn't tax my mental incredulity capabilities like a Cape Birdie surely does.

A new sheet has been posted giving Cape his due. Snapper is gone for another week so be on the lookout for me to shun you on the sheet by ignoring one of your accomplishments.

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UPDATE for Week 15 (August 11)
Posted: August 13, 2011 By: Snapper

Updates? Check the sheet link on the right column. Short on material for the week so how bout some golf jokes or wife jokes - or both?:

The Perfect Shot
A guy stood over his tee shot for what seemed an eternity, looking up, looking down, measuring the distance, figuring the wind direction and speed... driving his partner nuts. Finally his exasperated partner says, "What the hell is taking so long" Hit the damned ball!" The guy answers, "My wife is up there watching me from the clubhouse. I want to make this a perfect shot." "Give me a break! You don't stand a snowball's chance in hell of hitting her from here."

A Moment of Silence
A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer. His friend says: "Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man." The man then replies: "Yeah, well we were married 35 years."

Telling The Truth
A married man was having an affair with his secretary. One day, their passions overcame them and they took off for her house, where they made passionate love all afternoon. Exhausted from the wild sex, they fell asleep, awakening around 8:00 pm. As the man threw on his clothes, he told the woman to take his shoes outside and rub them through the grass and dirt. Mystified, she nonetheless complied. He slipped into his shoes and drove home. "Where have you been" demanded his wife when he entered the house. "Darling, I can't lie to you. I've been having an affair with my secretary and we've been having sex all afternoon. I fell asleep and didn't wake up until eight o'clock." The wife glanced down at his shoes and said, "You lying bastard! You've been playing golf!".

Gender Golf Lesson
A husband and wife love to golf together, but neither of them is playing as well as they want to, so they decide to take private lessons. The husband has his lesson first. After the pro sees his swing, he says, "No, no, no, You are gripping the club way too hard!" "Well, what should I do" Asks the man. "Hold the club gently," the pro replies, "just like you'd hold your wife's breast." The man takes the advice, takes a swing, and POW! He hits the ball 250 yards straight down the fairway. The next day the wife goes for her lesson. After the pro watches her swing, he says, "No, no, no, You're gripping the club way too hard." "What can I do" asks the wife. "Hold the club gently, just like you'd hold your husband's penis." The wife listens carefully to the pro's advice, takes a swing, and THUMP. The ball goes straight down the fairway, about 35 feet. "That was great," the pro says, "Nice and gentle. Now take the club out of your mouth and swing it like you're supposed to."

Your Last Lamaze Class
The room was full of pregnant women and their partners. The Lamaze class was in full swing. The instructor was teaching the women how to breathe properly, and informing the men how to give the necessary assurances at this stage of the plan. "Ladies, exercise is good for you," announced the teacher. "Walking is especially beneficial. And, gentlemen, it wouldn't hurt you to take the time to go walking with your partner!" The room was very quiet. Finally, a man in the middle of the group raised his hand. "Yes" asked the instructor. "Is it all right if she carries a golf bag while we walk"?

Couple Conversation
A husband and wife were golfing when suddenly the woman asked, "Honey, if I died would you get married again" The man said, "No dear." The woman said, "I'm sure you would." So the man said, "Okay, I would" Then the woman asked, "Would you let her sleep in our bed" And the man replied, "Ya, I guess so." Then the woman asked, "Would you let her use my golf clubs" And the man replied, "No, she's left handed".


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UPDATE for Week 16 (August 18)
Posted: August 26, 2011 By: Snapper



Snapper Bites:

It has been a disturbingly boring golf league this year involving only golf, good times and a few beers. While that is all well and good for most leagues the fact that we have only 3 Asshole of the Day awards thus far for the entire year is shameful. Don't you realize people that we have a tradition to uphold? A lot of people used to enjoy reading our newsletter in hopes of seeing what their favorite Snapper League member did this time. Well I wouldn't say that we have not had an influence upon the employees of the previously completely blasé (that is a word isn't it?) and always professional Majestic Golf course employees who from time to time have apparently had our antics rub off on them. Recall Captn Bill taking out the boat dock and hobbling the pontoon motor to the tune of an expensive repair after doing figure 8s and donuts on approach? Then of course don't forget Captn Brad last year impersonating Naked Dave's man overboard trick when he found out too late that the step over from the boat to the dock was just too damn far for his stride? Likely due to some other yahoo neglecting to properly tie it off to the pole. Well now it seems that Majestic Employee of the Week Steve Hable may have outdone the both of them. I won't say where I heard this as I understand when the recent fiasco was finally completed Steve was heard to say: "I'm just glad this wasn't Snapper League Night or I would never have heard the end of this!" Well Steve we do have our information sources so let the catcalls and guffaws begin. Reminiscint of a 1960s tv show I call this story related to me by a competent source or two...

Steve Hable stars in - CART 79 WHARE ARE YOUUUUUU???
It seems that Steve Hable was assigned the duty this particular night of putting the carts away in the hole #10 cart barn. As we all know, golfers finish the front nine and pull the carts to and onto the boat launch dock going towards the water and then around the bag drop and leave them pointed towards the cart barn. An employee then later cleans them of trash and drives them 15 yards or so towards and into the cart barn... a seemingly simple task when you think about it - what could go wrong??? Well apparently some league member felt that this was just too much trouble so he left the cart on the dock pointed towards the water rather than making the sweeping slow and easy left hand turn around the bag drop to the Majestic cart guy, in this case Steve Hable- What happened next in detail is sketchy... did some golfer juice the cart with a golf tee stuck in the carburetor? Did Steve himself do it to finish early? ...did the golfer also foolishly leave an unfinished can of beer or drink that Steve thought was a waste he could not allow? That's the way I heard it. With head tipped back downing the beer with his right hand Steve steered the cart (or tried to) with his left hand while gunning the accelerator in a halfass attempt to "burn rubber like the Snappers" - well poor Steve missed the turn and found old cart #79 face first in Lake Walden with what used to be a perfectly good 2 by 12 guardrail floating out to sea. Upon being extracted from the water and discovering no physical injuries, recovering the guardrail the only question left was is the cart damaged. Several of Steve's coworkers who had come to laugh at him I mean to help him noticed that the cart engine had not submerged. Mechanically inclined Captn Bill I am told completed the donut in the juiced cart Steve had failed at then did 3 more successfully and declared cart #79 mechanically sound and fit for travel. Way to go Steve Hable!!!!!!!

Also noteworthy is a story I heard of a cart girl stopping by the practice green to ask a prone sleeping elderly golfer (someone who looked like me I assume) if he wanted something. When he did not answer she rushed to the clubhouse pronouncing him dead and a requested a 911 call... pro shop guys who unlike the cart girl were trained in CPR rushed out to the guy who by now was practicing a few putts and wondered what the hell she was talking about. It is nice to see the influence we have had on these previously normal people but at the same time It is a shame that they now provide the antics for our discussion and reading pleasure rather than the other way around.


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UPDATE for Week 17 (August 25)
Posted: August 31, 2011 By: Snapper


DON'T FORGET THE YEAREND SCRAMBLE AT COPPER HILLS IN OXFORD 9/11/2011 see me for time and directions..

Snapper Bites:
Jamie Leece took the floor last week (what is new?) and congratulated himself and Herb on closing out the race for 1st place in the league last week. Since he has already taken care of that himself, no need for me to congratulate him here but let's hear it for HERB GREEN!!!!!!

Carry over on skins. Is it a 3 week pot? I think so, we will break it tonight. If 2 or more teams are tied on the hole originally drawn everyone is back in and we will draw another hole - and another and another until all nine holes if necessary and if ties are still not broken, the skins pot will be divided equally amongst the other game winners for the night, so long as they are present. MUST BE PRESENT TO WIN (so that winners may be harangued and goaded into purchasing alcoholic beverages for losers.

One more time: YEAR END SCRAMBLE SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 11, 2011 COPPER HILLS OXFORD. see me for hand out directions if you did not receive one already.


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FINAL YEAR END Snapper Bites: (September 1)
Posted: September 8, 2011 By: Snapper


CONGRATULATIONS TO THE 2011 LEAGUE CHAMPS Jamie Leece & Herb Green. I am sure we once again will here the same old false Bravado promises to REPEAT we have heard the past 3 years out of League Champs Jamie Leece/Paul Throesch (2008), Chris Carlson/Dave Mitteer (2009) and Paul & Matt Wojdylak (2010). Sorry boys - not likely. Our last successful REPEAT was Scott Cowan/Steve Peltier who won back to back 2006-2007 and that was only to shut Dave Wolfenden/Steve Markunas, back to back winners 2004-2005 up with their "3PEAT" chants.

Fact is we have never had a 3 peat. We do have three-time winners in COWAN/PELTIER, who add 1997 to their resume as well, but that's not the record. In our 24 seasons as a league we had one four time team winner: Gary Fulgham/Mark Blevins who won in 1995,1998,1999 and 2002.

Cudos also to the league's best golfer Paul Wojdylak with a season average of 38.93 and carded 70 pars and 12 birdies in 135 holes an average of 61% of the holes he played. Wow!!! Sorry 'bout that repeat promise failure - ha! Although that may have been Matt's promise but you get to live with it 'til next year!!!

Our perfect attendance award goes to: Timmy K, Pic-Pic, Hollywood, Peaches, Herb, Paul Throesch and Darren. Hmmmm you guys must really like hangin out with us that you cancelled all your other obligations.

Yea we had 2, count em 2 eagles this year, Herbie and Matt. Nice Job guys.

Chris failed to card one on his league sheet soduko quest but who am I to mention it since I failed also along with Dave Thomas being the only guys on the league not to card a single birdie. Oh well. At least Dave Thomas got a hole in one (not on league) this year.

And in a close race the 2011 Greg Groesser Free Golf sub award goes this year to Branden Brilinski with 7 free rounds edging out Jerry Carlson who had 6.

If anyone has changed their contact info, address, cell, email etc be sure to update me at Copper Hills.

Rest In Peace, our fallen brother Mark Blevins. You will always have a place in our hearts on league nights as with GGs who left us last year.


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Copper Hills Scramble Results (September 11)
Posted: September 18, 2011 By: Snapper

TEAM 1: Bill Cape, Chris Carlson, Paul Wojdylak & Matt Wojdylak
TEAM 2: Bob Baughman, Herb Green, Dave Lawless & Don Savoie
TEAM 3: Bob MaGuffee, Dave Wolfenden, Steve Markunas & Rick Carlson
TEAM 4: Jeff Shook, Bob Thomas, Jamie Leece & Darren Bentley
TEAM 5: Dave Mitteer, Paul Throesch, Tim Kachelski & Rey Farah

TEAM # 1 posted the low score of -4 "32" on the "HILL" 9 holes.
TEAM #5 posted the low score of -4 "32" on the "JUNGLE" 9 holes &
TEAM # 3 posted the low score of -6 "30" on the "MARSH" 9 holes.

Each member of the winning foursomes listed above was awarded a $20 gift certificate to Sharkys Sports Bar for their trouble.

Each of the foursomes listed above posted an overall score of -11 "97" for the entire 27 holes. TEAM # 2 posted a total score of -9 "99" for the entire 27 holes.

TEAM # 4 were the overall scramble winners with a score of -13 "95" for the entire 27 holes. The team was awarded $128 ($32 per person) for their efforts.

The six Par 3 Greenie Winners were:
Bob Baughman, Paul Wojdylak (2), Herb Green (2) and Dave Wolfendon,
each pocketing $20 per greenie.

Winners of the three designated skin holes (hardest par 4 on each nine) were as follows:

Each of the Skins paid $84 (or $21/person).

While no asshole of the day was awarded, the following is noteworthy:
Steve Markunas got his first ever hole in one! Weeeeell sortof. OK, not really. Here is what happened. His team is teeing off on hole #2 of the JUNGLE, a whopping 308 yards tee to green. Steve, who is determined to get there in one, whollaps his drive! A sreaming line drive, maybe 24-28 inches off the ground - hits the blue cylindrical PCV pipe standing in the middle of the fairway to designate "200 yards in to the green" from there - hits it midway up and the ball disappears. Upon close up inspection, the ball did not disappear at all, but pierced the PCV tube and went down the pole resting at the bottom of the anchor hole.

Finally, I received a follow-up billing statement from the Copper Hills management for what is quoted as necessary veterinary wildlife psychotherapy services. It seems that the abundant deer herd living peacefully within the resort property were - shall we say - more than a little upset (emotionally scarred) by our presence. While there would seem to be plenty of room for human deer avoidance on this large property sculpted through the hills, marshes and jungle forests we all enjoyed, the deer weren't used to the intrusion that Snappers made with errant shots flying everywhere and everywhichaway. See the following photos submitted to me with the invoice as evidence of the Snapper League's culpability.


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