Snapper News!

2010 Snapper Weekly News

WEEK #4 Controversies Abound 
Naked Dave in "Spider Town, USA" 
POP QUIZ: Snapper League or U.S. Open? 
Belated congratulations to 6/10/2010 Majestic Beer Babe of the Week 
Cap'n Bill- Majestic Pontoon Driver of the Week 
UPDATE for Week 9 
UPDATE for Week 10 
UPDATE for Week 13 
UPDATE for Week 14 
UPDATE for Week 15 
UPDATE for Week 16 
UPDATE for Week 17 
Scramble at the Orchards in Romeo 

Scramble at the Orchards in Romeo
Posted: September 22, 2010

We finished the season at the Orchards in Romeo with our traditional year end scramble outing. A good time was had by all except maybe Bob Maguffee who was heard to grumble : "I'd rather play my own ball. I don't really care for scrambles" ...(then chuckle)...& again after a $75 round of golf, a $30 steak dinner and a $6 lunch at the turn all for one low price taxes & tip included was heard to suggest: "It was alright. I wouldn't pay $84 for it again" ...Oh Bobby what will we do with you????

The teams were again supposed to be and appeared on paper well dispersed with talent and apparently fairbut again the old -1 to -5 I expected to see on all of the cards was blown away:

And the winners are: (pictures coming soon)

Team # 1: Paul Wojdylak, Chris Carlson, Don Savoie & Jeff Nesgoda -10!
Team # 3: Jamie Leece, Dave Lawless, Darren Bentley & Mark Blevins - 6
Team # 4: Tim Kachelski, Steve Markunas, Chad Phillips & Rick Carlson - 3
Team # 2: Herb Green, Bob Maguffee, Paul Throesch & Bill Cape - 3
Team # 5: Grant Stahley, Bob Thomas, Dave Mitteer & Matt Wojdylak - 1
Long Drive ($15): Bad Chad!!! Wow!!!!!! It was not close

Greenies ($15 each): Jamie Leece, Steve Markunas & 2 for Jeff Nesgoda (you go girl!!!) Skins: 4 skins ($40 each) to team # 1, 3 skins to team # 3 and 3 skins to team # 4

It is now officially a wrap... great Season Boys!!!!! Go Snappers 2011!!!!!!

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Posted: September 7, 2010

WOLF/JAMIE CHALLENGE ($5/week): week 18 WOLF 39/43
Season total: WOLF +$15

Season total: PIC-PIC 15/14

Wolfie found 2 more of the elusive birdies out there.
Nessie takes low net for 2nd straight week
Darren Bentley & Grant Stahley for winning the league - almost. 1st place wire to wire until the final week match against the Wojs.
Chris Carlson & Dave Mitteer for buckling down and not having to go from 1st one year to last place the next. Good pressure match boys...
Uncle Paul for immediately making good on Matt's previous week gambling iou.
Steve Markunas 4 pars and a "10".
Pic Pic for coming from behind 14/12 in the Markie Mark Par Challenge and putting up 3 to 0 a eaking out the season total 15/14.

That's a wrap boys. great season!

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UPDATE for Week 17, August 26

Posted: September 1, 2010

WOLF/JAMIE CHALLENGE ($5/week): week 17 no bet Jamie stayed away!!
Season total: WOLF +$10


Bob Thomas nice "39"!!!! but for ringer sub James Homer's "38" was low actual.

REMINDER: This is it boys. please do not report for league next week - smart guys help the dumb guys remember. When next we meet it will be at the Orchards Golf & CC in Romeo Sunday 9/12 @ 10:30 ish for our year end league scramble.

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UPDATE for Week 16, August 19

Posted: August 25, 2010

WOLF/JAMIE CHALLENGE ($5/week): week 16 Wolf wins 40/45
Season total: WOLF +$10


CUDOS: Nessie gets his 1st 5 hole. way to go...
Birdies galore to Paul Woj, Grant Stahley, Chris Carlson, Chad Phillips, Bob Thomas and PAUL THROESCH (off the list..only Lawless & Blevins birdieless for 2010)

CORRECTION... RETRACTION... APOLOGY to Darren Bentley wrongfully named last week as AOTD for the "EXCESSIVE BRAGGADOCIO" of Bad Chad Phillips. The sheet has been changed Bad Chad was the real Asshole.

And speaking of "EXCESSIVE BRAGGADOCIO" that's exactly what our own Captain Bill was doing (after receiving the very 1st copy of the weekly sheet copy from Snapper before begin ferrying duties) trash talkin Darren and then when advised of the mistake trash talkin Bad Chad and whoopin it up back and forth across ole Walden Lake with his recently tuned up pontoon boat which you would swear one of the youngsters had lifted the seat on stuck a tee in the choke and juiced her up... "BRAGGADOCIO", "BRAGGADOCIO" he was heard shouting over and over again defining the word for the guys when needed...

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UPDATE for Week 15, August 12
Posted: August 18, 2010

WOLF/JAMIE CHALLENGE ($5/week): week 15 Jamie wins 38/40
Season total: WOLF +$5

MARKIE MARK takes control!! 12-11

Chris Carlson "38" actual and this by lipping out makeable puts on the last 2 holes. Way to go and Nice Round "C".

Congratulations also to C's partner Nakes who did not drink a half gallon of straight rum this week and not so surprisingly completed his round without a 30 minute walkabout in the woods like last week.

Paul Woj racking up the pars and birdies and blowing all comers away...

Paul Throesch & Bob Thomas "TRUE GENTLEMEN" way to go boys... I'd almost rather you win skins every week if you continue to do as you always have and spread it around... What's the best kinda beer???? "FREE BEER!!!!"

Free Advice:
Darren Bentley - have you considered purchasing a 2-iron or do you think you might be just a bit too much man for it????? (see below)

Bill Roach - good call buddy refusing to man up to the not so inquiry by Lawless to the field on the last hole regarding who it was that screamed at him in his backswing... (also see below)

Snapper - DO NOT go to the range before league, hit a few good drivers and convince yourself it is safe to bring that abysmal club out during play like last week. you can't!

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UPDATE for Week 14, August 5
Posted: August 9, 2010

WOLF/JAMIE CHALLENGE($5/week): week 14 Jamie wins 42/41
Season total: WOLF +$10

PIC-PIC/MARKIE MARK SEASON PAR CHALLENGE: Pic-Pic 11-11 (now gaining on other Snappers) Editor's note: Leave it to those guys to ruin our fun.

ASSHOLE OF THE DAY: none deserving/none awarded

YEAR END LEAGUE OUTING: Reminder: this is booked and paid for from your dues. see me if you cannot make it (like Wolf & Roachie)so far I am counting on the rest of you.

WHEN: Sunday, September 12, 2010 @ 10:30am

WHERE: The Orchards Golf & CC, 62900 Campground Road, Washington, MI 48094 (586) 786-7200 (near 28 mile rd and Van Dyke south of Romeo, Michigan)

WHAT: 18 hole 4 man scramble format, hot dog lunch & NY Steak Dinner (salad, potato, veggie & dessert)

HOW MUCH: $84/per player prepaid from your dues...Its in the $525 you paid me already. (the website quotes our package @ $115/pp but I never pay full price for youse guys)

SNAPPERS NORTH: Everything is set for 24 committed guys. Touch base with me as to whether you are planning on the voluntary Thursday add on at Red Hawk in Tawas Thursday morning the 23rd for $39.

NORTH DEPOSITS DUE NOW!... almost all of you have paid the $100 deposit to me or to the resort by credit card. If you have not then pay me the hundie yahoos!!!!

Oh yea and by the way Wolfie got a birdie!!
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UPDATE for Week 13, July 29
Posted: August 5, 2010

WOLF/JAMIE CHALLENGE ($5/week): week 12 no bet - Jamie absent
Week 13: Wolf "37", Jamie "40", Season total: WOLF +$10


THANKYOUS: The Carlsons (Snapper & CMoney) would like to recognize and thank Wolf and Steve for their assistance the past two weeks we were gone in passing out and collecting scorecards, sheets and whatnot.

NORTH DEPOSITS DUE NOW!!!!... pay me the hundie yahoos!!!!


Okay it is booked. A little more pricey this year then others (but not much) but been wantin to get there & with reduced green fees this year and 2 rainouts we can afford it.

WHEN: Sunday, September 12, 2010 @ 10:30am

WHERE: The Orchards Golf & CC, 62900 Campground Road, Washington, MI 48094 (586) 786-7200 (near 28 mile rd and Van Dyke south of Romeo, Michigan)

WHAT: 18 hole 4 man scramble format, hot dog lunch & NY Steak Dinner (salad, potato, veggie & dessert)

HOW MUCH: $84/per player prepaid from your dues...Its in the $525 you paid me already. (the website quotes our package @ $115/pp but I never pay full price for youse guys)

However... Grant Stahley, Bob Maguffee, Bill Roach, see me. If anyone for any reason cannot make it let me know immediately. We draw teams from the league members to be as fair as possible - you can't just send somebody to replace you at the last minute. If a substitute wants to buy in to attend let me know and I will see whether we can make 6 four man teams of 24.


UPDATE for Week 12, Daytona Daydreamin'
Posted: July 26, 2010

Papa C and C-Money are in Daytona. Here is an email excerpt from C-Money...

Here is the updated worksheet... I updated all the possible catergories (double checking the cards for errors... there were errors) including the winners of this weeks greenies/5-hole/team skins and I am fairly confident that I did not screw up this seemingly easy task. I awarded no AOTD due to lack of quorum after the league. Besides, I am not certain that Wolf (who we left in charge of league sheets) would take the time to super-impose the write up with the standings and statistics.

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UPDATE for Week 10 (and 11), July 8 and 15
Posted: July 20, 2010

WOLF/JAMIE CHALLENGE ($5/week): week 10 no bet Wolfie absent Season total: WOLF +$5

Last week (July 15) Rained out. The following pertains to July 8th.

PARS n BIRDIES: Still no Eagles this year in the group...... Another league member removed himself from the ranks of the "birdieless" as sub Don Savoie (previously uncounted due to lack of rounds) scored one(no Wolfie Don's birdie does not count fopr you since he was your need to keep trying to get your own. Still Birdieless Snappers:

1. Mark Blevins 2. Dave Wolfenden 3. Dave Lawless 4. Paul Throesch

CALL FOR VOLUNTEER(S): Next week 7/22/2010 Snapper will be gone on vacation & will have Nakes with him. Chris CMoney Carlson will have the manbag and scorecards and all routine duties to attend to and would no doubt appreciate a little assistance of his choosing with collections, dispursements, post round scorecard checking etc.... Then the following week on 7/29/2010 CMoney will have by then said "screw this" and hopped on a plane and flown down to join Snapper & Nakes on the beach and fishing boat. Hopefully, someone will have taken responsibility for the manbag and agreed to pass out sheets at the beginning of the 7/22 round, collected the $7 weekly bets, collected the completed cards at the end of the round, paid off the bets, placed the completed scorecards neatly into the manbag and await further instructions from Snapper for his recovery of same after his return on 7/30 and before the next round on 8/5...

still waiting.

don't all jump up and say "Pick Me, Pick Me" at once...

Majestic Snappers 2010 welcome for a guest appearance today...the one...
the only.....Gary "just Gary" Fulgham


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UPDATE for Week 9, July 1
Posted: July 5, 2010

WOLF/JAMIE CHALLENGE ($5/week): week 9 Wolfie again! (45/43)
Season total: WOLF +$5

PIC-PIC/MARKIE MARK SEASON PAR CHALLENGE: 4 - 4 they each got one! (yes we know Bill you got a birdie also but as Mark explained last year in a Part contest a birdie is NOT a par...)

Still no Eagles this year in the group... Two guys removed themselves from the list of still birdieless. Congrats to Bill Pic Pic Cape and Bill Roachie Roach on their birdies. That leaves the following list of those Snappers still without a birdie this year:
1. Mark Blevins 2. Dave Wolfenden 3. Dave Lawless 4. Paul Throesch
Come on guys .....who wants one???
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UPDATE for Week 8, June 24
Posted: July 1, 2010

WOLF/JAMIE CHALLENGE ($5/week): week 8 Wolfie again! (38/40) Season total: DEAD NUTS EVEN

And now a new challenge...
(unless or until it suffers a death by stagnation):

Majestic Pontoon Driver of the Week winner:

HOW BOUT THAT CAPT'N BILL???!!!!!! The man chauffeurs us across this treacherous lake safely week after week....endures our constant criticisms and insults at his sailing/driving abilities.... and as if that wasn't enough... he shows up at the post round gathering of 18 or so boisterous Snappers last week and offers to buy anyone and everyone a beer!!! While we as a rule never turn down the best kind of beer (FREE BEER) all but 3 recent arrivers informed him that Naked Dave was enroute with the next round already but thanks anyway... so what does he do???? He immediately goes and buys the last three!!! Thanks CapT'N BILL. For this we honor you with the previously nonexistent but soon to be famous title and honorarium "Majestic Pontoon Driver of The Week". Incidentally, check out the photo on the front side of this sheet where upon returning with the 15 or so beers on his tab.... And upon learning the good Capt'n had been let off the hook from his honest offer mere seconds before.......Naked Dave was caught attempting to physically extract monetary reimbursement from Bill for his losses all at the end of an ostensibly loaded water pistol.....Bill called his bluff and wound up with a face full of H2O from Dave who was already testy from so many trips outside the drydock picking up Jamie's litter and castigating him for same each time resulting in a game of lets see how many more times he really will go back out and pick up another piece I throw out just as Dave returns......

PARS N BIRDIES: You may have noticed, I started a new challenge watch on the front page. Markie Mark and Pic Pic each have 3 pars for the season so far!!!! And don't think for a moment they do not each know exactly how many the other has at all times. I witnessed Pic Pic last par when golfing against him and all he could say was "Take That Mark" who was not even present at the time. Also witnessed Mark asking partner Tim to phone ahead to see if Bill had any yet that one week. Speakin of Pars Wolfie has the most so far this year of any Snapper...However he quietly confided his chagrin to this writer last week when I mentioned I noticed he has no birdies yet. More to come on that as we see which of the 4 remaining Snappers who are birdieless breaks out ahead of Wolf, if any...Pic Pic, Markie Mark, Lawless or Paul Throesch...

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Belated congratulations to 6/10/2010 Majestic Beer Babe of the Week winner "LAURA"

WOLF/JAMIE CHALLENGE ($5/week): week 7 Wolfie tightening it up with another win (38/47) Season total: Jamie +$5
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Snapper League or U.S. Open?
June 22, 2010

The latest golf sheet is posted. However, Snapper hasn't had the time yet to get me the writeup, complete with the AOTD award. So while we wait, let's play,


Who was obviously choked with emotion, with visible tears streaming down his face as he made his way to the final green?
A) Dave Mitteer, sobbing from his latest spiderbite injuries.
B) C-Money, as he came to the realization that Dave and he was out of beer.
C) 60-year-old Tom Watson, playing in his final Open.

What does Shaun Michael (USA), Brendon de Jonge (ZIM), Paul Casey (ENG), and Snappers own Bill Cape (MAJ) all have in common?
A) All these players coincidentally have 32-year-old Executive golf clubs in their bag.
B) All were overheard negotiating with their opponents for gimmee putts.
C) They all shot in the 60's last Thursday.

It's time to play "Graeme or Jamie?"...
Graeme McDowell won the U.S. Open and will likely be remembered as the guy who knocked off Tiger Woods, Phil Mickelson and Ernie Els. Jamie Leece lost the weekly "CHALLENGE" and will likely be remembered as the guy who choked against gristled and aged Snapper veteran Dave Wolfenden, as well as getting smoked by Kachelski, and having a higher score than half the league.

At the conclusion of their last round, which one stated: "I can’t believe I’m standing with this right now... Can’t believe it happened."
A) Graeme (holding the trophy)
B) Jamie (with his d&*k in his hand)
C) Both

Pundits speculated that this gentleman did not have his "A" game last week because he was still suffering the pyschological after-effects of his hooker addiction.
A) Tiger Woods
B) Mark "The Assassin" Blevins
B) Captain Brad

Thanks for playing!
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UPDATE for Week 6, June 10
Spider Town, USA?

POSTED: June 15, 2010

Naked Dave... SPIDERMAN?
Ever since the infamous snapping turtle fiasco it has been in the Snapper League Rules. Look it up: RULE # 10:

10. For safety reasons, please do not play with the wildlife under any circumstances. This would include box turtles, as well as Snappers. This rule also prohibits side wagers involving wildlife like "closest chip to the woodchuck for a buck".

But that don't concern Naked Dave none. Somehow, inexplicably if you research, the insect Dave managed to get bitten by the Brown Recluse Spider.

What manner of provocation would be involved in causing this insect that just wants to be left alone to attack??? See for example the following discussion found at

    "This spider lives in dark corners and places inside the houses, and also under the furniture, boxes and books. It has a rather shy and nonaggressive behavior, although occasionally the Brown Recluse Spider bites human because they share the same habitat (read "habitat" section for more about this). Bite occurs only when the spider is disturbed"

I repeat: "Bite occurs only when the spider is disturbed",

Moreover they are not even indigenous to Michigan and this one apparently hitched a ride here in baggage recently traveling with Nakes and his new girlfriend/yoga instructor, the lovely Rachel.

    "The brown recluse are mainly found in the central Midwestern states southward to the Gulf of Mexico, especially in Oklahoma, Arkansas and Missouri."

Dave diagnosed himself 3 days post bite or so as his condition gradually but steadily worsened sending him first to the internet where he found this the following:

    "It is of the utmost importance to control any type of Loxoscelism (i.e necrotic gangrenous slough at the site of bite, nausea, malaise, fever) within the first 24 or 48 hours and being on the alert for the appearance of symptoms or any kind of signs that may suggest a visceral case."

The bite is apparently so painful that Nakes is taking no chances and refuses to go within 10 feet of the Majestic weeds for an errant ball simply shaking his head the tomfoolery of those wishing to find and confiscate his golf ball for their own. GO Spiderman!

An unsolicited response to the above from DaBlade:

Dear "Snapper",
As you know, I subbed last week and was in the foursome that included Mister Mitteer. Watching him and his refusal to go near the weeds reminded me of the time when poison Sumac caused brother Greg to develop "Hillary Cankles", but that is another story.

I just need clarification. Surely you don't mean to suggest that Dave violated Rule 10, do you? I'm no fancy book taught lawyer, but it seems to me that "playing with" is not the same thing as "disturbing" the wildlife. I believe it to be a question of intent. Was there intent to disturb? To apply Rule 10 against a fellow Snapper absent this intent to disturb would be a gross injustice. Oh what tangled webs we weave! And let us not forget what the inspiration for Rule 10 was in the first place (NUMBER ONE on the "Top Ten Assholes of all time!" list)

Now unless there is additional information from the above that would tilt the scales against Dave (like a broken golf tee wedged inside the spider's mouth), I motion the Snapper quorum to dismiss all charges against Dave in this matter, both golf criminally (No violation of Rule 10) and any future golf civil action against Dave (future AOTD votes for being the victim of an attack -past or future- from wildlife or fellow golfers).

WOLF/JAMIE CHALLENGE ($5/week): week 6 Jamie +$10 (41/43)
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UPDATE for Week 4, May 27
June 1, 2010

DON'T GET SHUT OUT OF SNAPPERS NORTH 2010 LAKEWOOD SHORES $280............ 3 days unlimited golf & 3 nights stay & featuring Chef Don Savoie breakfast each morning. $100 deposit due NOW!

A brutal night scorewise on the old back 9 at the Majestic. With numerous higher than usual scores (with the exception of Markie Mark Blevins who after posting scores of 60 and 60 the 1st two weeks reported his 59 as "1 under") we had a league average of 49.5 for the week. I wonder how many golf balls will be recovered in later weeks by Cape as he dutifully follows his shot into the woods? We salted the trees pretty well for you I think Pic Pic.....

Controversy?: Sure we always got that when we need it.
Controversy #1 began when the course management threw us a curveball without advance warning. We were all lollygagging around waiting to start on #1 as we had just done 19-27 the previous week. Then it happened...the shuttle driver started herding my guys to his shuttle transport to the boat dock to get to #10. All of the prepared scorecards with names and tee orders and handicaps for holes 1-9 had been passed out to their respective owners....old Snapper grumbled and complained just loudly enough and often enough for the shuttle driver to think he was pissed and Pro Steve Tannar appeared with a tee off sheet schedule showing us going backwards this year on a weekly rotation, i.e., 1st 10, then 1 then 19 then 10 then 1, whereas last year it was 1 then 10 then be it... we made new cards played the round and Snapper actually got a free Sam Adams Summer Ale Draft out of it after the round everything is copasetic.

Controversy #2: How about that spirited discussion concerning the impossible 200 plus yard par threes on the backside???? It has been bantered about from time to time over the past couple years that we might possibly relieve everyone of the pain and agony of teeing off from the blues on those two holes only. This year not many...not most but all of the good golfers polled after week one agreed it was a good idea.... Therefore Snapper suggested it before the round. Timmy K, know by all to be the consummate (look it up Tim) consummate Naysayer vehemently opposed the suggestion and then rudely and pointedly accused Snapper of only suggesting it this year because his own partner Bob MaGuffee had no chance to hit the ball long enough to ever make one the greens. As Matt Wojo will attest Snapper took the criticism in stride choosing only to answer the charge with vulgarities instead of punching TK out (something even his best friend Hollywood once did in my presence)....Timmy does have his way of ticking you off but nevertheless we played the blues again this night. A straw poll at the round's completion confirmed that 2 Snappers reached the 1st green in regulation and 18 did not and 1 Snapper reached the second green in 1 while 19 did not...... Still Timmy garnered support from Lawless who at least politely and logically argued to play the course as it is designed blues or whites all around..... So final vote to allow an exception to playing blue tees on the two par 3's on the backside only was Yeas 18 Nays 2.. The NAYS have change will be made but now we all have someone other than ourselves to blame when something goes wrong on those holes.

WOLF/JAMIE CHALLENGE ($5/week): week 4 Jamie +$15 (44/47) Uh oh...gettn outta hand.

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UPDATE for Week 3, May 20 (Week 2 rained out)
May 25, 2010

WOLF/JAMIE CHALLENGE ($5/week): week 1 Jamie +$5 (42/45) week 3 Jamie +$10 (40/42)

CONGRATULATIONS TO WEEK #3 MAJESTIC BEER BABE OF THE WEEK: Meet "Marissa" reluctant at first to be photographed she nevertheless posed for the prestigious honorarium and in a last minute moment of reckless abandon showed her competitive spirit and a little thigh while she was at it!!!

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UPDATE for Week 1
May 11, 2010

CONGRATULATIONS TO WEEK #1 MAJESTIC BEER BABE OF THE WEEK: Meet "BETH" spotted here with some rather over-enthusiastic volunteers for what is normally a routine photo op with a single SNAPPER.

Speaking of Majestic Beer Babes,
You will find a gallery of all the past recipients prominently positioned at the top of the Turtle Soup Page. The quality of some these photos leaves much to be desired (due to the medium used - such as first generation cell phone cameras, coupled with high levels of blood alcohol), yet the subject matter remains superior. Enjoy!

And now a word from Papa Snap:
Week 1 is in the books. Everything went as expected. With nearly ½ of the league roster new guys and the old guys having been asked to help the new guys find their way to #10 tee via the shuttle and pontoon boat ride to the carts across the lake (a procedure the new guys would have no way of knowing about without help), Snapper, who golfed 9 holes preleague warmup and found himself at #10 tee ½ hour early with no Snappers, drove his cart furiously over the hike/bike path shortcut around the lake to the clubhouse, where he found Snappers everywhere except the line to the shuttle. There were Snappers on the deck, Snappers in the parking lot, Snappers on the putting surface at #1 tee, Snappers on carts or loading onto carts which would not find their way to #10. All were corralled and directed to their proper place in due course. And a good time was had by all.

WOLF/JAMIE CHALLENGE???: week 1 outcome??? Do we even have a bet this year boys???You are both way too quiet about it....

SKINS BROKEN: Way to go to team Wojdylak (Matt 7 Paul) for winning the first team skin of the year..... $18 dolla no holla...with a blind draw of the hole in play at the end of the round, everyone has a chance even though Matt looked somewhat surprised to find that the winning hole had in fact been drawn as opposed to some of the other somewhat larger numbers on his card

Go Snappers!

May 5, 2010

Old guys help the new guys understand the intricacies of our rules.

As league veterans are aware, frequent visitors to are rewarded with access to digital versions of the league memos and handouts early. Enjoy!

KACHELSKI DISCLAIMER: Must own or have use of a computer with internet access to click the following links - print, fold, and stuff in back pocket before heading to the course.

[Latest 2010 Golf League Sheet]

[2010 League Roster and Schedule]

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