Snapper News!

2009 Snapper News Links:

Snapper Bites August 21 
You know son they are gonna F$#@ with you - be ready 
Step it up a little Jamie 
Meet Carly, our Majestic Beer Babe of the week 
Rule 3. Re-write 
CAPTAIN BRAD EXPLAINED his "Man Overboard Fiasco" 
WEEK 5 "No balls for yous" 
Sir Walter Scott, and other obscure references 

We finished out the ole season this year at our sister golf resort in East Lansing, EAGLE EYE/HAWK HOLLOW. What a great ending. DAVE WOLFENDEN scored on the natural green bentgrass putting course located at Hawk Hollow shooting "50" on the par 54 course. Way to go Wolf. 16 Snappers and one lost ball by an unnamed Snapper. How do you lose a ball on a putting course? Everybody showed up on time, except of course Markie Mark Blevins who despite receiving telefaxed mapquest instructions got lost enroute with no one to chauffer him and showed up on hole # 3 for the last group. Come on Timmy K; you're his partner; you know Mark needs help finding his way to the toilet when he gets out of bed in the morning.

Three of 16 Snappers could not make it (Paul Throesch, Bill Cape, Adam Cusin) but of course we had no trouble filling their spots with league subs (Jerry Carlson, Greg Carlson, Don Savoie) ....WHAT'S THE BEST KIND OF GOLF?... FREE GOLF!

The scramble teams, once again scientifically selected by random computer suggestions gave us 4 teams shooting -3, -4, -4 & -8 respectively. The winning team in fact had the highest average(s)/handicap(s) but pulled together and we are told made all four mulligans count for birdies.

Snappers 2009 Eagle Eye Year-end Scramble

TEAM 1: Mark Blevins, Steve Markunas, Jamie Leece, Don Savoie
TEAM 2: Tim Kachelski, Mark Hansen, Dave Lawless, Greg Carlson
TEAM 3: J. Carlson, Dave Wolfenden, Darren Bentley, Terry Fairchild
TEAM 4: Greg Groesser, Dave Mitteer, Rick Carlson, Chris Carlson

Dave Lawless, Darren Bentley, Steve Markunas, Jerry Carlson


Tie?...Whaddya mean tie? Chalk this one up to Snapper selecting the wrong hole. Hole # 9 looked good on the scorecard...a long par 5 front nine finishing hole with a gentle fade to the left after the drive. Then you get there and look at the sucker and find out its basically a split fairway where two balls actually in the fairway can be, and were, about 40 yards apart. Darren pounded his 300 plus yard drive up the right middle of the fairway careful to avoid the risk and reward of hugging the pond all along the leftside. Darren's approach required no carry over water to the green. It was a monstrous and well thought out shot taking danger out of play and still allowing his group the chance to get home in two for an eagle putt if they approached well. Chris, after seeing his partners safely downfield but not very long chose to "roll the bones" and hug the water on the left side smoking his drive to a landing area which left a 200 carry over water but only about 207 to the pin (according to the nearby sprinkler head). From 40 yards to his right, Darren claimed victory and his team mates all supported the call by claiming to be able to eyeball who was longest off the tee from there. Chris' team mates, not to be outdone inspected the sprinkler head near Darren's ball and found that he had left his team with about 218 to the green, and of course claimed victory for Chris. How did the sprinkler heads measure distance to the green, around the hazard in the fairway or over the water, shortest distance? A spirited Snapper discussion ensued as usual with everyone throwin in two cents favoring first one then the other of the contestants as to who actual would win the $15, leaving Snapper shaking his head and promising never to again have a long drive contest. Chris and Snapper of course laughed it off and split the money.....

TEAM #1 took down 6 count em 6 total skins!!!!
TEAM #2 got a skin
TEAM #3 got theirs....8total skins $40each

WAY TO GO TO ALL THE WINNERS and how bout an atta boy for all of us...Great Day..Great League...Great Guys....Great Fun.....


No not Rick...not Jerry..not Greg... Chris Carlson and Naked Dave are 2009 Snapper League Champs!!!!! Way to go boys. Time to start thinking maybe a league trophy might be nice.
WOLF/JAMIE CHALLENGE UPDATE: 9/3/2009: Jamie "38", Wolf "42"
Season totals: Wolf 6-7-4 (+ - $00), Jamie 7-6-4 (+ - $00)


I am told it was a nice, quiet, gentlemanly game of golf with opponents Dave Wolfenden and Steve Markunas. Followed by a solemn and sincere handshake on hole # 7 when it was officially closed out. Yeah Right!

The foursome golfed early @ Davison CC in preparation for the match and I was there and all I heard all day long outta Steve was how badly he intended to annihilate the boys.

It is said the turning point in the match was the 1st par 3 hole # 4. The youngsters needing to win a total of 10 points had apparently blinked and were down 8 strokes and had lost 2 of the 1st 3 holes to the mouthy ones. As Wolf sat 8 ft away for par and Steve sat 6 feet away for par, Nakes was 20 feet away needing 2 putts for par and Chris was on the fringe 350 ft away after his drive. It didn't look good. So Chris drained his putt for birdie and before Hollywood could say "What the F@#$!..." Dave calmly followed him in with his long birdie. It was all over but the crying then.

We finished out the year with no qualifying AOTD award despite my prior week challenge to Nakes and Cusin that this was their best chance to avoid being Balless. So they finish the season.

Cape blew absent Blevins away in the season par challenge adding 3 more to his totals and beating Markie Mark 9-6 for 2009 pars. Yes we know Mark you had a birdie and Bill did not. But as my brother Jerry pointed out a few weeks ago, this is a par challenge; birdies are nice...but they are not pars!

And DRUMROLL PLEASE..............The Jamie Wolf challenge finished up even steven on money with Jamie whoopin on the Wolfman 7 weeks losing 6 and tying 4 weeks but Wolf had the foresight to double the $5 bet one time that he won.


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WOLF/JAMIE CHALLENGE UPDATE: 8/27/2009... Jamie "39", Wolf "41"
Season totals: Wolf 6-6-4 (+$5), Jamie 6-6-4 (- $5)
SEASON PAR TOTAL CHALLENGE:Bill Cape "6" Mark Blevins "6"

No eagles yet: Cape is only one w/o a birdie. No 5 hole?: Chris, Bill, Mark, Wolf, Hansen, Adam. No skin?: everybody but Jamie/Paul, Wolf/Steve & Bentley/Cusin. Still completely without balls for the year?: Nakes and Adam (best chance boys seems AOTD)

Recall the following exchange from the movie Ghostbusters?
Dan Akroyd: "Everything was fine until the power grid was shut off by dickless here (speaking of Walter Peck EPA).
Mayor of the City: "Is this true?......"
Bill Murray: "Yes it's true your honor...this man has no dick! Well that's what I heard!!!!......."
Don't let something similar happen to you at the yearend, e.g.: Yes it's true...this man has no balls!!!!...look at the sheet!"

NO AOTD shenanigans to laugh at? Okay try these golf jokes on for size: The schoolteacher was taking her first golfing lesson. "Is the word spelled p-U-t or p-U-t-t?'' he asked the instructor. "P-U-t-t is correct,'' he replied. "Put means to place a thing where you want it. Putt means merely a vain attempt to do the same thing." 

The owner of a golf course was confused about paying an invoice, so he decided to ask his Secretary for some mathematical help. He called her into his office and said, 'You graduated from The  University of  Tennessee and I need some help. If I were to give you $20,000, minus 14%, how  much would you take off?' After but a moment's pause, she responded: "everything but my earr ings."
My five-year-old nephew wanted to caddy for my brother's golf game. "You have to count my strokes," my brother told him. "How much is six plus nine plus eight?" "Five," answered the nephew. "Okay," my brother said, "let's go.." 
Golf can best be defined as an endless series of  Tragedies obscured by the occasional miracle, Followed by a good bottle of beer. 
Golf! You hit down to make the ball go up. You swing  Left and the ball goes right. The lowest score wins.  And on top of that, the winner buys the drinks.
A 'gimme' can best be defined as an agreement  Between two golfers ...neither of whom Can putt very well. 
Dan and his buddies were hanging out and  planning a 5-day golf  trip.   Unfortunately, he had to tell them that he couldn't go because  his wife wouldn't let  him.  After a lot of teasing and name calling,  Dan headed home   totally frustrated. The following week when Dan's buddies arrived at  the golf resort, they were shocked to see  Dan  sitting in the lobby, drinking a beer, holding his  putter!    "How did you talk your wife into letting you  go,    Dan?"    "I didn't have to," Dan replied.  "Last I night I slumped  down  in my chair with a beer to drown my sorrows.  Then, my wife snuck up behind me and covered my eyes and said,  'Surprise.'  When I peeled  her hands back, she was standing there in a  beautiful see-through negligee and said, 'Carry me into the bedroom and tie me  to the bed, and you can  do whatever you want'......SO HERE I AM  !"
So this couple is golfing together one Saturday morning and on the third hole after 2 consecutive triple bogeys, the husband clearly bothered by something, stops his preshot routine and solemnly addresses his wife: " Honey, I have something to tell you...its been bothering me a lot and I just can't keep it a secret any longer...many years ago after we were first married I had an affair with a secretary in the office...I am truly sorry and pray that you can forgive me". Without hesitating his wife replied: "Well ...its ok...I respect your was after all years know how much I love you...I forgive you." The round continued with an elated husband golfing out of his mind pars, birdies and even an eagle on the par 5 when at the 18th tee, the wife addressed her ball for a drive and then stopped and faced him: "Listen my love, I have something to tell you as well... many years ago, before we were married, I used to be a man...I had a sex change operation...and I am so happy I did because my life with you has been wonderful...I really hope you can forgive me for not telling you sooner". The husband immediately stormed around the tee, threw his driver at a tree, kicked the golf cart and said: "You lying, deceitful, devious witch!!! all this time you've been using the ladies tees!
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Snapper Bites August 21
WOLF/JAMIE CHALLENGE UPDATE: 8/14/2009... Jamie "40"...Wolf "45" Season totals: Wolf 6-5-4 (+$10), Jamie 5-6-4 (- $10)
SEASON PAR TOTAL CHALLENGE: Bill Cape "5" Mark Blevins "5"

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Who's your Snapper of the week; Bentley or Markunas??
WOLF/JAMIE CHALLENGE UPDATE: 8/7/2009... Jamie "41"...Wolf "41" Season totals: Wolf 6-4-4 (+$15), Jamie 4-6-4 (- $15)
Meet Nicole Majestic Beer Babe of the week. Sassy enough to give Snapper what's what when asked whether she was new here? She's not, but does not normally work Thursday's; Forgiving enough to pose with Greg and accept his apology for his partner's faux paus.

Darren Bentley cleaned house on his bets. He won the "5-hole", a carryover skin with Adam and Asshole of the day. If that wasn't enough he then proceeded to buy drinks for the guys to the tune of about three times what he won. Thank you Darren!!!

Steve Markunas was lights out with the golf clubs. I got a text message from opponent Naked Dave halfway thru the round begging me to call it a night due to heat (his response to Steve's unsuccessful attempt at same for rain a couple weeks ago when he was takin a beatin). When the dust cleared Steve had a natural one under 35 on his scorecard and tied the alltime Snapper low net posted by Snapper last year with 27!!!!

Jamie may have lost his match points but he got his $$; both greenies!!

Bill Cape and Mark Blevins were paired against each other and the grudge match for pars erupted (Mark led 4-3 for pars for the season coming into the round). Cape drew first blood posting a par but later in the round Markie Mark birdied.!!! Rather than quietly pretend he had done it before and it was no big deal Mark is said to have ignored the fact that he was 21 over par for the round halfway through it when he accomplished the birdie and laid it on Bill pretty thick earning him an AOTD nomination.

Year end Scramble Update: Saturday, September 12 is our target date. We have local pro Steve Tanner checkin out a good price for us at our sister courses in east Lansing "Eagle Eye" and/or "Hawk Hollow". Keep the date open.

Go Snappers!

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WOLF/JAMIE CHALLENGE UPDATE: 7/30/2009... Jamie "42"...Wolf "41" Season totals: Wolf 6-4-3 (+$15), Jamie 4-6-3 (- $15) the double bet is off! It's $5/week!

From time to time you may have something you wish to discuss with me concerning league business. Go ahead. I like to think I am approachable and open to constructive criticism or suggestions about how you would organize or run my league if it were your league. So Maybe I did not book a tee time where you wanted to play (Timmy). Or maybe I made a mistake on logging your points on the sheet correctly(Terry). Come on let's have a discussion. A nice friendly Rick Porcello discussion. What daya say?
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You know son they are gonna F$#@ with you - be ready
July 30th esults
WOLF/JAMIE CHALLENGE UPDATE: 7/30/2009... Jamie "47"...Wolf "43" Season totals: Wolf 5-4-3 (+$10), Jamie 4-5-3 (- $10) the bet has been doubled to $10/week!


Unbelievable!!!! I go away for one week vacation and what happens????? guys actually held league without me. Thank you Chris for steppin up and getting the cards and sheets and a loose lasso around these yahoos. The last thing I told Chris...the very last thing was : " You know son they are gonna F$#@ with ready." Lookin at the AOTD results I guess he just didn't hear me.

WEEKLY CUDOS: Markie Mark and Billie each copped a par. Way to go guys. Paul was on fire grabbin the low actual and low net. And what the hell is this??? Jamie & Paul skinning us AGAIN???? I understand Jamie needed the money as cudos also go to Wolf for needling Jamie on the recent results of the $5 weekly challenge between them with a little help from Chris telling them it was getting boring watching the two of them trade the same $5 back & forth until Jamie, not being able to take it anymore doubled up the bet to $10/week and immediately lost the first week. its getting interesting.
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July 23rd Results
Jamie "37"...Wolf "42"

Season totals: Wolf 4-4-3 (E), Jamie 4-4-3 (E)
Are you two passing around the same five dollar bill?

And We Have a Winner!!!
After weeks without a team winning the skins pot and more importantly, weeks without any behavior worthy of the coveted AOTD we had a winner for both last week. Team 6 Leece/Throesch took down the skins pot that had been carried over for 6 weeks, netting them each over $ 30. Congrats boys.
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& we got a 5 week carryover on the team skin hole tonight with a starting pot of $68 + what is collected tonight. Have as many good team holes as you can.
WOLF/JAMIE CHALLENGE UPDATE: 7/16/2009... Jamie "44"...Wolf "41" Season totals: Wolf 4-3-3 (+$5), Jamie 3-4-3 (- $5)

An early AOTD consideration must go to Timmy K for intentional sabotage of the participants in the Thursday, 9/24 voluntary preliminary round for Snappers North weekend. As of this writing we do not even have the 24 spots for the fri-sun package filled yet, which we will do before requesting the package participants to consider the camaraderie of joining the group early for a Thursday round, and Timmy has already made a competing tee time with the group at a course (Elk Ridge) he likes better than the one Snapper has suggested (The Natural) and is soliciting group participants to leave the group and join him instead. I kinda feel like he is sitting backwards in the front of my canoe paddling his ass off the wrong way. If he would just jump out of the canoe and get out of the way, okay, but every time I knock him out of the canoe he tips over as many of the others following me as he can and then jumps back in mine paddling bass ackwards.

Look guys, the weekend package is always fri –sun and thur is voluntary and extra because everybody cant get the extra day off work. But each year we get more and more on thur and last year had 24 of the 28 weekenders on thur. So I made 20 tee times for The Natural @ $29/ea. Trying to keep the cost down for yall. I can cancel them if there is a consensus to go to a more expensive course. Timmy refuses to play the Natural and wants some of you to go with him to Elk Ridge for $40-$50 so he does not have to play alone. There are many course options we have for Thursday if we want to play as a group. Elk Ridge is one. Treetops (Jones, Smith, Fazio) are each $65 - $80 depending on start time. There is also Garland, Boyne, Shanty, The Chief & Hawk's Eye, Grand Traverse Resort, etc for $60 or so, Forest Dunes for more, etc. Someone's got to make the tee times and decide who to rely on in deciding how many will join in and how many may not be relied upon. Everyone let me know whether you want me to bother each year to try to keep the group together for thur or just leave everyone on their own. It's a lot of work I don't mind for those who appreciate it and want to play with us no matter where we are. For those who wish to play the same time we are on Thur but somewhere else by themselves, that's fine, let me know, and I will not include you on Thursday rounds from now on.

We do not have an eagle yet this year on the league. We do have 4 birdies each for Dave Wolfenden and Mark Hansen and another 3 each for Greg Groesser, Steve Markunas, Jamie Leece and Terry Fairchild, then 2 each for Chris Carlson and Paul Throesch and one for Rick Carlson, Naked Dave, Dave Lawless, Timmy K and Adam Cusin. But no eagles yet this year?? We had two last year, Guy Metzger & Steve Peltier; I got one 2 years ago, Chris got one 3 years ago. If you really want a challenge know that we have had 2 "ace's" in snapper history, both former snappers, Bernie Cason @ Sugarbush and John Lee @ Brookwood.

Another thing that jumps out from the sheet is Jamie who is absolutely paring the shit out of the course. 50 % of the holes he has played this year he has pared. Way to go!!!!

Finally, it appears that 24 year end golf balls have been won so far while 5 of you remain "BALLESS" at this time.
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WEEK #10ish? Results from July 9th
WOLF/JAMIE CHALLENGE UPDATE: 7/9/2009... Jamie "47"...Wolf "39" Season totals: Wolf 3-3-3 (+- $00), Jamie 3-3-3 (+- $00)

**Come on step it up a little Jamie if you want us all to follow this grudge match. It was not just you know 8 of 16 Snappers beat Jamie's actual score last week and:

Here is a list of Snappers who did not beat Jamie's net score last week:
1.Mark Blevins tie @ 45 net each

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Meet Carly, our Majestic Beer Babe of the week for 6/18/09 (surrounded by Hansen/Fairchild).

Anyone remember Paul Newman in Butch Cassiday and the Sundance Kid just before kicking his gigantic opponent in the balls announcing he wanted to get the rules straight before starting the knife fight and his opponent incredulously asking "Rules? In a knife fight? What rules?" to which he replied "No Rules? Okay somebody say 1-2-3 go" and then commencing his kick when Robert Redford immediately replied" 1-2-3- Go"? Well some say we Snappers have no rules...But we do.

Rule 3. Re-write
With change comes I have the answers. Our league make up has change from time to time with league members going and new members welcomed in. Old guys help the new guys whenever they come in. Our rules are lenient and subject to negotiation but we still have rules to guide us through the not so difficult task if you think about it of enjoying a round of golf with the guys and not accidentally or on purpose screwing anybody out of a few points that mean very little in the end. One of the more frequent questions the last couple of years has been: "where do I drop on ob balls?" . The answer often given by the old guys is "We take our distance" and "We are liberal with the line of flight thing", both of which answers are true but not totally within the spirit of our play over the years. The rule as written actually states line of flight and take your distance as with a later all hazard. This means you can come back on your line of flight as far back as necessary to make sure you have a shot after taking the penalty. True, you do not then always get to take your full distance but you are much better off then having take your full distance, drop within 2 club lengths of where you went into the shit and find that you still have no shot. So, often guys, new guys and old guys, fudge it a little by coming back on line of flight a reasonable distance backwards and then out to the fairway to have a shot, which is allowed. But you can't crank one 300 yards into the woods at a 45 degree angle catching maybe 30 yards of fairway only and then move on down 300 yards and drop. If this happens over some "shit" just off the tee where you really cannot drop on line of flight and have a shot,, usually it makes sense to drop on the other side of the shit. Sometimes it does not make sense. Here we just ask our opponents what they think is reasonable and we expect the opponents to be liberal and reasonable. You also can't just throw it out in the fairway at your full distance it went in without coming backwards on your line of flight or appearing to have done so. While this is general and open to question it is meant to be to allow a reasonable chance to have a shot after a penalty stroke without obviously "cheating" your opponents. Another question comes up frequently about how far into the shit do you have to go to drop on the other side of it? Is a 10 yard dribble the same as a 190 yard shot into the shit extending 200 yards downfield? Everyone should already know the answer to that, but if you don't, then ask your opponents what they think the spirit of Snapper rules dictates. In the words of the infamous Rodney King: "Can't we all just get along?" Of course we can; we are Snappers.

Now, here is the official re-write of Rule 3 which has served us well for 21 years as originally written, but now intended to be just a little bit more clear as to what we can expect of each other out there on the links:

3. Penalty Strokes. Penalty Stokes shall be assessed for one and only one infraction, i.e., out of bounds or lost ball. Out of bounds or lost ball shall be a one stroke penalty with the ball to be played by "line of flight" at the point out of bounds; You always take your distance in this league and treat any such unfortunate occurrence as if you had hit into a lateral hazard; You also are expected to be able to be able to give yourself a reasonable shot after taking the penalty stroke by moving back on your line of flight as far as necessary and/or moving laterally within reason from your actual distance. If you have a doubt as to your line of flight, actual distance and/or reasonable drop zone to achieve the fair, common sense spirit of the rule, ask your opponent: "Can I drop here?" and opponents you then say either: "Sure, go ahead, that looks right to me" or " Hell no dumbass, drop back there a ways farther back".

Penalty strokes shall not be assessed for any other technical infraction or departation from the USGA rules of golf, including but not limited to " Ball moving at address", "Accidental grounding of club in sand trap or hazard", "Attesting to the wrong score on official scorecard", "hitting opponent's or wrong ball" (If this happens you hit again, this time your own ball from where you were supposed to and the first shot, good or bad, does not count), or " failing to announce a provisional in advance" (if this happens and you find your own ball after that, hit your own ball without penalty and the first shot is always considered a provisional and good or bad it does not count.)

Speaking of Hansen/Fairchild...

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WEEK #8 : WOLF/JAMIE CHALLENGE UPDATE: week 8 Jamie "43"...Wolf "40" Season totals: Wolf 2-2-3 ($0), Jamie 2-2-3 ($0)
June 26, 2009 (June 18th RESULTS, June 25th rained out)
Snapper bites:

COMING SOON: Rule clarification rewrite : every so often as a matter of necessity we write a new rule or clarify an existing rule. We will do so again shortly based upon a happening last week on hole number one between my team Carlson/Groesser and team Hansen/Fairchild. 4 balls in the fairway. Greg Groesser hits the opponent Hansen's ball by mistake without checking it. He misses the green short left. Hansen attempts to hit the remaining ball some 35 yards closer to the green but checks it and discovers it not to be his ball, but Groesser's. Greg admits he did not check the shorter ball and assumed it was his. Hansen/Fairchild being fairly new to the league in their 2nd year only asks what we do now. Yours truly who has seen this happen on a number of occasions in the past suggests that Hansen hit from where his ball was and Groesser hit his own ball ignoring the first shot. Fairchild wonders if this is fair. Groesser suggests he will take a 2 stroke penalty. Fairchild declines this but still wonders if it is fair for Greg to hit "overs"; Carlson suggests the compromise that Greg simply play the shot he hit already without further penalty since the ball he hit was 30 + yards further away from the green to begin with and he missed the green on the approach. Groesser (the 4somes scorekeeper) charges himself a 2 stroke penalty anyway without informing his opponents who again had declined that option. A discussion on the patio afterwards reaffirmed that the proper way to deal with the situation in the spirit of the Snappers is as it has been in the past. Hit your own ball again without penalty. As in bowling where you alternate lanes if you bowl on the wrong lane you have to do it over on the right lane. It matters not whether you had scored a strike or a split. It does not count. Here it matters not whether you hit the green up close or missed miserably. It was not your ball and does not count. You have to do it over without penalty. This rule rewrite when done will not be named after anyone. It was a legitimate question of what the rules are in our league and we need it clarified with a "common sense" rule in the spirit of our league.
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June 16, 2009 (June 11th RESULTS)
WOLF/JAMIE CHALLENGE UPDATE: week 6 Jamie "38"...Wolf "45" Season totals: Wolf 1-2-3 (-$5), Jamie 2-1-3 (+$5)

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June 11, 2009 (June 4th RESULTS)
ITS POSITION ROUND PEOPLE; The first of 3 this year. Just when team Carlson/Groesser were happy to see the 20-2 drubbing at the hands of Jamie & sub over, look out here he comes again...

WOLF/JAMIE CHALLENGE UPDATE: week 5 this weekly report is being cancelled for lack of interest. Recall when last reported Wolf was (+$5) and Jamie (-$5) for the year.**

AOTD: none deserving and none awarded. But we did have some contenders. Rick Carlson had broken a promise to bring son Chris' clubs (and golf shoes) with him from home. Chris used Naked's clubs a couple of fairway woods from dad's bag and a putter the likes of which he had never seen let alone used. However, he refused numerous prompts to nominate dad, shot "44" wearing a pair of flip flops and got a greenie to boot.

Timmy K nominated absent partner Markie Mark Blevins for having one of his employee secretaries telephone Timmy to explain Markie Mark was not only too busy to golf but too busy to take the phone once dialed and tell him himself. Come on TK the man's important and he is too busy for you. What's so hard to understand???

Sub Bob Maguffee was nominated for bumming a smoke from the new guys and then coughing uncontrollably after the first inhale. Guess some smokes are stronger than other's Bob? Thought you were once "an old stoner" in your day???

SKINS CARRYOVER BROKEN: Way to go to team Leece and Ringer Sub (Herb Green) who broke the new skins pot on the first week. 14 smakeroonies!!!!.

CAPTAIN BRAD EXPLAINED his "Man Overboard Fiasco" with new information for us to enjoy. Apparently the pontoon came untied and floated to the middle of the pond. A kindly looking old 75ish year old fisherman volunteered to motor the Capt out to it with his little 5 horse outboard which ended up not quite half way there. Brad rowed manually and upon reaching the pontoon was too exhausted to successfully board. Not too funny at the time as Brad skinned his knee, hit his head and hurt his bad leg and just could not get out of the water without the assistance of not so few choice words and phrases he claims he seldom uses and has barely heard, but somehow managed to invoke at the top of his lungs until finally successful. @#!*&!! *&%$!## $$!###@$$ (*&^%$## shouted Brad. He later apologized to the silent old fisherman, who then informed him he had heard it before and not to worry. Brad didn't until subsequent small talk revealed to a Red Faced Brad that the old fisherman was a Pastor at a local church.

** Just kidding ...Jamie finally caught up this week with a one over par 37. Season totals now:
Season totals: Wolf 1-1-3 (+$00), Jamie 1-1-3 (+$00)

Go Snappers!
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June 3, 2009 (May 28th RESULTS)
everyone has established a 2009 handicap except for Bill who now has only a 50% attendance ratio. This is probably why our aotd awards are also down this year so far.

WOLF/JAMIE CHALLENGE UPDATE: week 4 tie "39" each Season totals: Wolf 1-0-3 (+$5), Jamie 0-1-3 (-$5)

AOTD: none deserving and none awarded. But that didn't stop the team of Cape & Lawless from attempting to extract a golf ball from the league on slow asshole nights as they always do. Bill nominated Dave and Dave nominated Bill. Something about Dave suggesting Bill use a putter out of the sand trap and then incessantly chattering tips on exactly how to do it while the attempt was being made: "Don't ground the club Bill...Move the rake Bill...put the ball back in your stance Bill...don't forget Bill its coming out of sand a little slower...don't hit behind it Bill...etc etc etc" It sounds all too true and likely fun to watch and listen to, but after all he was only trying to help you Bill. Dave nominated Bill for jumping at the suggestion as a really good idea despite the elevated grass covered bunker lip and then feeble and unsuccessfully attempting the extraction of the ball in the desired minimum number of strokes only to then blame the suggester who only meant that Bill should consider the option not that he actually accept it as the one true answer to his problem. Nice try guys but NO BALLS FOR YOU.

SKINS CARRYOVER BROKEN: Way to go to team Wolfenden/Markunas who skinned the league for the 4 week $56 carryover. That was our biggest carryover pot yet.

Sub List expanded. We have had 4 substitutes this year. Feel free to bring your own guys as you have been as you paid for the round. Don't forget our longtime snappers not in the league this year, all who would come in as established handicaps from last year whereas your new guys must establish with three rounds like everyone else so they really cannot help you (or hurt you) when you first bring them in. Also, Timmy Kachelski has a new best friend (Larry Goldman) who could probably sub if asked.

Go Snappers!
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Little Timmy K impersonates Woody Hayes career ending tantrum
reminds Jamie of "Little People Big World" dwarf reality tv.; and
Who went "man Overboard" this time???; and
Who won our 1st Majestic Beer Babe of the week?"; and
3 week $42 team skin carryover with a $56 pot coming this week.

WOLF/JAMIE CHALLENGE UPDATE: week 3 tie "45" each Season totals: Wolf 1-0-2 (+$5), Jamie 0-1-2 (-$5) May 22, 2009 (May 21st RESULTS)
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Dave Wolfenden: "Can't I get rid of this damn "3" handicap any sooner?" ANSWER: NO READ THE RULE.
May 19, 2009 (May 14th RESULTS)

WOLF/JAMIE CHALLENGE UPDATE: week 2 tie "44" each Season totals: Wolf 1-0-1 (+$5), Jamie 0-1-1 (-$5)

FOLLOWING IS OUR HANDICAP RULE WHICH HAS BEEN LONG POSTED ON OUR WEBSITE AND UTILIZED FOR MANY YEARS. IT APPEARS HERE IN PRINT ON WEEK 3 DUE TO THE NUMEROUS ???S POSITED BY WOLF (2009 hndp "3") LAST WEEK ABOUT WHAT WE DO NOW. For example: "Don't I get the 1st two weeks in 2009 added to the last 3 weeks in 2008 for a multiple year 5 week moving average?" Answer: No, read the rule. What about the new guys, shouldn't they have a handicap now based on their 1st two weeks?" Answer: No, read the rule. "So at the end of next week (week 3) we figure up their hndcp at the end of the round and apply it combined for the first 3 weeks to their week 3 score??" Answer: No, read the rule.

Handicap Rule I will "lock in" last year's season handicaps for your first 3 rounds. Your fourth round handicap will be based on your 3 round total for this year. We will still be employing the "5 week moving average" for handicap calculation after your fifth round.

New golfers (and subs) that do not have at least 3 rounds last year, will not establish a handicap until they have logged 3 rounds this year. Until then, their handicap will be based on that week's score.

Handicaps will continue to be based on 80% of the difference between par and your average (no cap).

Q: Why didn't my handicap change in week 2, after I shot an "86" on opening night?
A: Handicaps are "locked in" from last year's season Average for your first three rounds. (try to keep up Mike)
Q: What is a "5 week moving average"?
A: Only your most recent 5 scores are used to calculate your handicap. No, It has nothing to do with your bowel regularity.
Q: Why the changes? Couldn't you leave well enough alone?
A: These changes should help eliminate wide fluctuations in handicaps early in the year, and create sufficient confusion that I hope to use to my advantage.

Snapper bites
The Redwings were in the middle of game 7 with the Ducks when we finished golfing. We were lucky to get all the scorecards before everybody scattered. No aotd. Honorable mention to Bill Cape who before leaving for 2 weeks away from us arranged a scratch golfing sub telling partner Dave he believed he should do well as the sub would get Bill's large handicap. Won't he? Answer: No, read the rule.

Go Snappers!
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Sir Walter Scott shoots par?
May 7th, 2009 (May 7th)RESULTS

"Oh what a tangled web we weave when first we practise to deceive". Sir Walter Scott apparently speaking to the future shameful behavior of a current Snapper. (I wonder how he would feel if someone who had no legitimate claim to it stole all of his jewelry?????)

The season kicked off with a beautiful night at the old Majestic Golf Club. The course was in great shape for so early and the speed of the my...wonder what the old stintmeter will read when its hot and dry.

Not wishing to spend too much time explaining the intricacies of the rules on our league to the new guys, we paired them against Cape & Lawless for their first match and indoctrination. My only caution to Darren & Adam was: "No matter what else you may hear to the contrary, "pick-pick's" are NOT mandatory. Bill did not appreciate that but undertook the delegated duty with his usual charm and enthusiasm.

Speakin of team skins CMoney bumped the team games weekly entry fee up to $7 from $5 last year then tried to convince everyone we already bumped it to $7 last year and he did it with such conviction that while we all knew it to be untrue, we believed him (all except Cape who knew exactly how much came out of the scotched tape wallet) but even he begrudgingly accepted the increase so long as it was acknowledged to be an increase. 8 teams x $7 = $56 divided by 4 (2 greeny winners, 1 five hole and one team skin) makes an even $14 smackeroonies for each weekly game winner with full participation.

Finally, for years we would report the results weekly of the "coffee hole" in which the madcap last hole challenge between the Glacial Twins and the MaKenzie brothers for a cup of java would seem as important to the rest of us as it was to them.

To take its place, I suggest for those really interested the Dave Wolfenden proudly strutted around the deck at the end of the round announcing to all who would listen that he won the 1st $5 of the year off Jamie Leece in their "heads up" grudge match. Wolf & Jamie, I notice neither of you challenges Mark Hansen and I heard from Cape & Lawless that the new guys probably are going to challenge you each for what you believe to be the "best golfer in the league" award you have labeled yourselves. But until then in case you missed it the 1st time I will say it again, as between them: WOLF one $5 bet won (+$5) JAMIE "0" (-$5)

Go Snappers!
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"HERE WE GO AGAIN!" 2009 Majestic Snappers League kicks off our 22nd season tonight
May 7th, 2009

Since we last were here at the ole Majestic together we had a presidential election in which the majority of people across the land voted for "Change" without requiring an advance explanation of exactly what that word meant. Now we know and boy do we have change. The Obamanation we have become has affected the Snapper League. We have 7 long time regular league members who now have transferred, hopefully for just this one year, from regular dues paying members to the sub list. Please keep these Snappers involved when you cannot make it and require a substitute. Call them directly or call me:

Jerry "DaBlade" Carlson
Guy "Just Guy" Metzger
Steve "Shang" Peltier
Scott "ChipChunk" Cowan
Greg "Glacial" Carlson
Micha Fulgham
Chad Ellis
Ron Richardson

Also available to substitute:
Bob "How come everybody calls Greg first?" McGuffee
Doyne Cason

While we lose 7 regulars we welcome 3 new players to the Snapper family: Greg Groesser, Darren Bentley & Adam Cusin. "Free Golf" Greg who played more as a substitute the past couple of years then some guys actually on the league begrudgingly gave up his free golf status when informed that he would be the # 9 substitute on the league this year rather than #1. Darren & Adam just want to learn a little more about this "AOTD" award winning acclaim on the worldwide web as promoted by DaBlade on our website.

Offseason cudos to Snapper League member Dave "Wolf" Wolfenden who rolled a perfect "300" (his first) this year for the Carlson Attorney team on the Tuesday night 5 man Galaxy Lanes bowling league. Wolf promised hole in one this year on league play to complete his year's goals.

Finally.....its never too early to plan the year end outing. Last year at Treetops was awesome to me. 28 players (+2 fillins midway thru the weekend) and no fistfights. This year I am negotiating with Otsego Club in Gaylord and hope the economy doesn't hurt our numbers too much. Put it on the calendar now for September 25,26 & 27, 2009. We'll be somewhere closing out the season.

Go Snappers!

Great News Snappers!
MEMO: From Snapper
February 14, 2009

Great News Snappers! Rumor has it that the Majestic Golf Club, being located geographically in this powerhouse liberal voting "Blue State" that helped make us the obamanation we are today, is on the list to receive a fleet of "green golf carts" (featured on the Drudge Report) set forth in the economic stimulus plan about to be passed by Congress to save us from catastrophic economic disaster and not to mention noxious green house gas emissions. The earmarked fleet of course comes with a few small governmental oversight regulations and restrictions (come on people, have you ever heard of a bill that doesn't?) to ensure the carts are not misused. We will all have to sign a disclaimer the first week of golf that we do not now, nor did we ever, personally support the war criminal George W. Bush. Oh and one more thing, as a prelude to bringing back the Fairness Doctrine, our local pro will only be allowed to be interviewed on the deck by WDFN the FAN radio if he agrees to equal time interviews each week with probing questions of a reporter of Mr. Obama's choice. Below is a photo of the rumored alternative media interviewer. Yikes! Not MBBOTW material!
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February 10, 2009
Dear Golf Fans,
There are 85 days to the start of the Snappers golf season. My Michigan roof glacier finally melted temporarily (no thanks to Al Gore), giving me an opportunity to get the Christmas lights off the house, and consequently, off the masthead of this website. Remember, keep your head down and don't peak... when Obama is on tv. Oh sure, the same holds true with your golf swing.

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