DaBlade interviews Democrat nominee, John Kerry

"I actually shot a par 3 BEFORE I shot a double bogie 5," argued Kerry during his golf interview with Snapper reporter, DaBlade.

July, 2004
Editorial By DaBlade/ Snapper News

John Kerry dons a turtle costume while stumping for Snapper golf league members' votes. He was kind enough to agree to a golf interview with me and answered my questions candidly.

D: Thank you for taking this time with me during what must be a very hectic convention week.
K: You're welcome. Did I mention yet that I served in Vietnam?

D: Actually no, but we're just getting started here. But since you've brought it up, didn't you admit to war atrocities in Vietnam? I believe you admitted to the killing of innocent women and children and the burning of villages.
K: The point is that I, John Kerry, reported for duty when called. Haven't you read any of the propaganda put out by my campaign and spewed out by the willing left-wing media about George Bush and the suspiciously missing attendance records of his time in the National Guard?

D: OK. Sounds like you earned your medals sir. If you are so pro-military, why then are you so set on usurping our national security to the French and those pinheads at the UN - and why did you vote to send our troops to war and then vote against the FUNDING at every opportunity?
K: Did I mention yet that I served in Vietnam?

D: Much political hay has been made by the democrats of the WMDs, and the post 9-11 Bush Doctrine of preemption. Isn't it true that Iraq was considered a threat even by the Clinton administration, British and Russian intelligence agencies, as well as the rest of the civilized world, as evidenced by the UN sanctions?
K: We squandered the goodwill we had from other countries immediately following the terrorist attacks on 9-11 by responding to the gathering threat posed by Saddam. Now we are feared. I have stated that, as president, I would react to any attacks against us. Take Iran for example, as they continue to thumb their nose at the international community by continuing their nuclear weapons program. Bush would have us act unilaterally and decisively by negating this threat militarily. I, on the other hand, recognize the opportunity of regaining the respect of the French by allowing large mushroom clouds to form over our great country. You'd better believe that I'd respond then!

D: Hmmm. Let's move on to the economy, stupid. President Clinton addressed the delegation earlier this week, and he stated that, "our way is the better way," as it relates to the economy. What do you believe he meant by this?
K: That a democrat takes over the White House on the heels of a republican administration that cut taxes. Demagogue this issue as "tax cuts for the rich" while ignoring the fact that these tax cuts are the reason behind the strong economic growth. Take credit for the growth, ignore terrorist threats to our country, and pursue sexual liaisons with chunky interns.

D: How inspiring of you to admit this. Why then do you want to roll back the tax cuts on the top 2% when they are the ones that pay 47% of the entire tax base? Aren't you penalizing the entrepreneurs and small businesses that actually create jobs and do the hiring?
K: Class warfare and socialist confiscatory tax policies that entail the redistribution of wealth from the producers to the non-producers has been part of the democratic platform since FDR!

D: These policies create a dependency class that perpetuates power for the democrats, isn't that right?
K: We have to actively recruit new democrats that feel compelled to suckle at the teats of government, since the overwhelming majority of aborted fetuses would have grown up to be democrats. Quite simply, it is a case of supply and demand. Create a dependency state that demands more government programs, to make up for the supply of future democrats we are killing.

D: Speaking of abortion, you've been quoted as stating that you believe life begins at conception. How then, sir, can you rationalize your stance on abortion rights, and advocating the mining of stem cells from these innocent souls for what you claim is the advancement of science and medical research?

K:Let me just say this. No pile of dead babies is too high if it could lead to certain breakthroughs in medicines. A cure for Parkinson's disease? Who cares? But what if a new form of longer lasting botox injections could be discovered. I could look like an animated corpse even longer!

D: Thank you for your time sinister… I mean Senator.
K: Help is on the way!

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