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Welcome to The Majestic Snapper men's Thursday night golf league home page. (formerly The Sugarbush Snappers, Copper Ridge Snappers, Brookwood Snappers, and originally The Tyrone Twilighters a/k/a Snappers). Founded in 1988, this league has been the source of inspiration (beer) and improved golf games (more beer) for all who have played (drank beer) with us. *hic*
[Click Here] for June 19th results
Snapper bites June 26, 2008 AOTD: 6/19/08 – N/A None deserving and to maintain the integrity of the award none awarded. Dishonorable Mention: Bad Chad P sub selected by Naked Dave for Chris was said to have into group ahead multiple occasions without announcing “Fore”.
Once again for anyone not paying attention (Timmy K) do not show up next week on 7/3 as league has been cancelled for Carlson holiday plans. 6/26/2008 Position Round Matchups & Tee schedule:
1st: Teams 6 (104 pts) v 10 (101pts)
Snapper bites June 19, 2008 AOTD: 6/12/08 – N/A None deserving and to maintain the integrity of the award none awarded. Dishonorable Mention: Our very own constant and continuous tee jumpers Steve Markunas and Dave Wolfenden, scheduled to tee off last in fact went first again. Micha Fulgham (scheduled first) quietly and politely complained to Snapper (as only a gentlemanly Fulgham can) that they arrived at the tee just before the rascals teed off, announced their presence prior to the first quickly struck tee ball being hit and then simply watched and waited for the next open spot one tee time later than scheduled as did each and every other snapper team. Snapper’s polite inquiry after the match without Micha present was met with belligerent insistence that they won the race to the tee. Dave Lawless supported the rascals indicating that he saw Steve hit a ball before Micha appeared out of the tunnel, but admitted he heard no announcement from the man that they were ready. A show of hands requested by Snapper of how many Snappers had ever been accused of tee jumpin let alone facing so many accusations year after year, week after week and had a rule written on the matter specifically for them resulted in no hands raised but all heads turned towards Steve & Wolf. That was the end of the matter until next time of course. Sympathies extended to Chris “CMoney” a/k/a “Lil Snapper” Carlson who let his anger get the best of him (sometimes said to be a result of his paternal heritage, “It’s a Carlson thing”) took extreme umberage with the gender resultant verbal shenanigans of his girlfriend’s room mate and being desirous, but unwilling to actually punch her in the nose with all his might, but finding it necessary to in fact punch something, selected the nearest wall, and as luck and fate would have it, managed to find one of the wallboard studs said to be on 16 inch centers which one can never locate on the first 3 tries when interested in picture hanging. The Hand Surgeon calls it a “Boxer’s Fracture” of the 5th metatarsal just off the joint of the knuckle joining the hand to the pinky. 4 -6 weeks off in a plaster cast ought to do it. Uncle Jerry “DaBlade” Carlson from past personal experience eerily similar in nature confirms that to be about right. Hurry back Chris.
Ping zinged & King Par jarred June 14, 2008 I am in the market for a new golf bag and Ping will not be in the running. Apparently, the folks at Ping are too busy trying to sell to new customers than in exerting minimal effort to keep the ones they already had. Fair warning to you, dear readers. After my experience with them, I cannot at this time endorse Ping. Who knows - that could change. Maybe I will get a satisfactory response from the folks at Ping after I submit this post to the "Stories" section of Ping's homepage ( http://www.pinggolf.com/ ) If I do, all of you here in my humble little corner of cyber golf land will be the first to know. But I won't hold my breath. My story? O.k.
This year I finally decided to have this zipper fixed. I had my clubs re-gripped at King Par in Flint Township and told the salesman about my bag. He told me that they would be happy to ship my bag back to Ping for repairs and that it probably wouldn't cost me a thing "since Ping stands behind their products". Not being one of those guys that is always looking for something for nothing, I explained to the salesman that free would be great, but that I would be willing to pay for a replacement zipper and the cost of repairs. I fully expected to pay, as the bag was a few years old (although the zipper had been broken for the last two years). He told me that if Ping had a required fee, he would call me for payment. He said it would take three weeks turn-around and I would get a call when it was in. I said fine. That was May 15. Now I should tell you that this paragraph has absolutely nothing to do with Ping, but much to do with adding to my overall mood. I pulled my old generic golf bag out from the enclosed corner room of my basement that houses the sub-pump. I carried it up from the darkened bowels of this cave, exposing it to the sun for the first time in a few years (it reminded me of Cool Hand Luke coming out of solitary confinement). I quickly realized that this bag smelled awful (decaying corpse eu toilet). I figured that a few blasts of Lysol and an hour in the sun would resurrect this bag. "After all, it's only for three weeks," thought I. Well, the Lysol and sun have met their match, as the unpleasant odor of the crypt continues to follow my partner and I around the course each week. I'm sure the source of this smell (black mold?) is completely healthy too. "Don't worry partner. I'm getting my bag back soon." Hah! (Back to the story) When I still hadn't heard from King Par by June 12th, I decided to give them a call. I identified myself and the reason for my call to the gal who answered. After checking, she returned to the phone and told me that my bag had arrived several days ago (Strike one! Would they have EVER called me?) and that it had been sent back unrepaired (STEEEE-RIKE TWO). WTF!? "Why?", asked I. "Because the broken zipper wasn't covered under the warranty," she answered. "BUT I AM WILLING TO PAY FOR IT!" I think she sensed that I was displeased, so she put me on hold so that she could pass me off to the salesman who I originally had dealt with when I dropped the bag off almost a full month ago. I attempted to bring him up to speed. I asked him why my bag was returned unrepaired. He asked what was wrong with it. I explained that the zipper was broken. "which zipper?," he asked. (Now I'm getting really pissed). "You have the bag right there in front of you so you tell me!... (sensing he might not be the wedge with the highest degree of loft in the bag, I spotted him the answer) ...it's the bottom pocket."
(phone conversation continues... no embellishment here, I swear!) I then recanted the whole story back to him. I told him that when I dropped the bag off, I was given two possible scenarios - That Ping would fix the bag for free, or that Ping would fix the bag for a fee. I told him that this "door number three" was never presented to me as a possible option. Since I was willing to pay, why wasn't it fixed? Certainly they have the technology to fix a zipper. The salesman promised to call Ping and get an explanation and then to call me back. I asked him if he wanted me to make this call, since I was obviously a little more P.O.'d about this than he was, but he said he would. To his credit he called me back within 5 minutes, but what he told me Ping had said absolutely floored me. Ping stated that "they couldn't repair the zipper because of the curve of the tube." They suggested I take the bag to a shop that deals with luggage. If NASA can send a probe to Mars and almost be able to analyze soil samples, then by God Ping should be able to fix a zipper on their own product, shouldn't they? They could build in an obscene profit margin for this service and at least give customers an option, couldn't they? I mean, if you bought a brand new car and then had a blowout after 5,000 miles, the dealership would sell and install a new tire for you, wouldn't they? I have never heard of a flat tire ever totaling a car. But apparently, the bag's "curve" has Ping's own engineers completely baffled, prompting them to suggest I take this to a much more competent and intellectually superior source than them. That being "people who deal with luggage".
June 13, 2008 EDITOR'S NOTE: No league golf July 3rd. (the two league officials probably have something to do that day) AOTD: 5/29/08 - Little Timmy K for offering to give Chris an oral (which was immediately declined) when Chris explained the online poll for the weekly AOTD. (this was more fully detailed in last weeks sheet) AOTD: 6/5/08 – Steve “Hollywood” Markunas for dressing like a Ken Doll. Chris nominated him explaining that he borrowed beer from Steve before beginning the round promising to “send some up the line to him later”. True to his word Chris flagged down Majestic Beer Babe Laura and explained that he wished to pay for the beer and using Naked Dave’s previously established valet service, have the brewskies delivered to Steve ahead of him in another 4 some. Laura asked to whom the delivery should be made and Chris sais just ask for Hollywood, anyone will direct you. Not wishing to get it wrong (apparently having been duped by previous Snapper impersonations in such circumstances) Laura asked for a physical description. Chris said well he is he has well groomed short blond hair, a white polo and probably shorts about up to where you wear yours. Laura exclaimed: “Oh I know who it is…the guy who dresses like a Ken Doll, right?” Rolling with laughter Naked Dave assisted by confirming the description as correct: “That’s him Beer Babe”. Steve’s defense later was: “But I didn’t do anything… don’t you have to do something to win AOTD?” Snapper quickly reminded him that he had done something, he had dressed himself like a Ken Doll unless he wanted to explain that Paula dressed him in the morning and we would talk more about it. He didn’t. Honorable Mention: Jamie Leece, Paul Throesch, Terry Fairchild and Mark Hanson, who took advantage of the Majestic policy of post league golf til you puke for $5 without first adequately ensuring their scorecard found its way in to the deck, which it never did. Also honorable mention to Chad Ellis for unsuccessfully attempting to sell his warm post league leftover beers to the beer babe. Congratulations to new Majestic employee Rachel for being unanimously voted Majestic Beer Babe of the week and then graciously and enthusiastically posing for a photo with the old cigar smelly Snapper cheek to cheek.
June 7, 2008 Brother Ricky was like a heroin addict without his spoon all week, after he left me in charge of the official league "man bag". I received a series of emails from him in quick succession on golf day, apparently checking to make sure I was planning on returning said "man bag" to him that evening. Like a man afflicted with OCD who constantly washes his hands, Snap Daddy's emails sought repeated assurance. He must have realized this, as the final email follows below.
Snap's final email:
"Multiple Choice...Who is most likely to have said.....A man without his
manbag can only be but half a man!!? Some updates have taken place in the Photo gallery. Check it out. While we wait for his post-round minutes and AOTD vote results, enjoy the following:
New Majestic Beer Babe of the Week (MBBOTW)!
Ken and Barbie:
C C-Money reporting
Hello Sportsfans, 1)Naked Dave for excessively and relentlessly staking his claim on his golf balls. Dave spent a majority of his round not lining up putts, hitting the ball, or drinking his soda pops but in the woods looking for his balls or other peoples balls that they foolishly abandoned a mere 25 feet into the thick woods. Then upon being done with the round and preparing to board the ferry across the lake, announced to me that he still had one ball left. Right as he said this, the ball slipped through his fingers, bounced once on the dock, and fell just out of reach into the water. He then spent five minutes trying to retrieve it as the dock workers watched. 2)Steve (Terry’s friend/sub) - Steve, forevermore to be know as Steve the Pirate for well exhibiting the qualities of a pirate golfer. Steve is a very good golfer and more importantly fits in well with this ragtag band of hackers we call the Snappers. On the second hole, par 5, Steve pounded his drive center cut and was left with 240 yards. When he asked Terry for the yardage Terry replied that it was all that he could handle. Steve laced another terrific shot that bounced onto the front of the green and rolled through the 4 Snappers on the green desperately trying to jockey their putts for pic-pic range, reminiscent of a pirate shooting a cannon ball across the bow of an enemy ship. The second display of pirate tendencies came a few holes later when he found his ball between Neckeds ball and the hole, he searched his pockets and found no coins, so he picked up his ball and using a tee, marked the spot with an X and counted the paces as he left Dave’s line (that's right, an 'X'. Just like a treasure map) Arrrrgghhh! 3)Timmy K for throwing a temper tantrum when it had been decided that this weeks AOTD would in fact be an online vote. Timmy’s face reddened, his arms flailed about and his voice became higher pitched and louder as pleaded that an online vote was not fair to those without computers. Dablade then explained to Tim that he could go to the library to use the internet, and that he would even draw him a map in the case that Tim did not know how to get there. Timmy still distraught by all the new information stated, “but the library is so big how will I know where to find it?” Bill spoke up and told him to ask the lady with the thick soled shoes, she would be happy to help. After putting our heads together we came to the conclusion he was the only one without a computer, he conceded and said, “Well could I give you an oral.” I politely declined his offer. EDITOR'S NOTE:The online voting for last week's AOTD is to be considered merely your suggestion, and is in no way meant to set a precedent by writing new Snapper law (that is Snap Daddy's job). (it is also not known at this time if Timmy K has tabled his offer or if it is still open for takers). I will move that these nominations be given consideration after this week's round, provided they don't prematurely scatter to the four corners again. What's the hurry fellas? Gotta pick up a gallon of milk for the 'ol lady?
Nekkid' Dave wins 1st 2008 AOTD May 21, 2008 EDITOR'S NOTE: The posted sheet above has been updated. Those with 3 rounds this year may have a new handicap. A.O.T.D. DAVE MITTEER for solicitation and receipt of never before offered Majestic Valet Relay (Shuttle Cart to Pontoon Boat to Ranger Cart to course location of thirsty golfer) Service. Dave likely would have won the award for the first part of this saga, although it would have been retitled. Having arrived at the course early on 10th hole starting week, and realizing that he had an entire clubhouse to boat dock shuttle bus ride, then a pontoon boat ride across the lake followed by however long it would take the beer cart babes of the Majestic to find him and inquire in their oh so sexy beer cart babe voices: “can I get anything for you Nakes?”, Dave decided that discretion and just plain good sense planning required that he purchase a sufficient quantity of the old barley/hops/malt beverages for sale in the clubhouse as might realistically get him to the point in the future when he could be in that position to make such a purchase again as described above. So Dave buys a six pack to go and has the little suckers placed inside the portable six pack coolers with ice, slings it over his shoulder and proceeds to load clubs, bag, self and six pack cooler aboard the clubhouse to boat dock shuttle. Upon arrival at the ole boatdock, off gets Dave and clubs and bag but not the six pack cooler. Chagrined for only a few moments as he explains the problem to unsympathetic Snappers at # 10 tee, Dave pulls out the cell phone, calls the clubhouse and explains the predicament, requests that they do something about it and fast and a few minutes later, the clubhouse attendant tracks down the shuttle driver who locates the brewskies, shuttles them to the boat dock, hand them off to the pontoon boat driver as if they were a 1000 meter track and field relay baton, who in turn drives them across Lake Walden and passes them off to the Ranger/Starter Cart who proceeds to drive hole to hole until he locates Dave and repossess him of his lost/abandoned property. “Thanks Man, I owe you one” Dave exclaims before poppin a top and movin on with his round as if all of this is perfectly natural. Honorable Mentions: Team Peltier and Cowan for intentionally misrepresenting the league rules to new member Jamie Leece who hits into the driving range from the #17 tee box, notices there are no white stakes and therefore under his interpretation of Snapper rules as anything goes, asks Cowan and Peltier about the possibility of no OB penalty. He claims they said no it is OB, They claim they said no such thing, Snapper before admitting later that it was playable if not white staked, first exclaimed “Nobody has ever done that before and I tell you my guys have hit the ball just about everywhere else on the course.” Honorable mention also to team Wolfenden/Markunas who were indeed scheduled off first and therefore with every right and obligation to get to the tee first this week (as they always do anyway) took the time to stop by and visit the league officials Snapper, DaBlade and CMoney long enough to pay the greenie money and the greenie markers but took off to play without their scorecard which was available from the same group as they full knew. We shuttled it up to them but unlike Naked Dave we used league members to do so, not Golf Course Employees.
Gang graffiti vandals STRIKE AGAIN! 
First week in the can>>>>> May 7, 2008
The boys at work and their bounty
IT'S HERE!! 
Snakes on a by: DaBlade, SnapperNews Service January 12, 2008
Im not the one whos so far away Making the email rounds, and finding it's way to me...
Snake Killed On Golf Course In Macon, GA
SNAPPERS 2007 YEAR IN REVIEW Blogitorial by: Rick "Snapper" Carlson January 1, 2008 Fellow Snappers, I as you no doubt are as well, find myself disappointed that the various television, radio and newspaper coverages at year’s end professing to list the biggest, best (or fill in the blank) notable sports stories of the year ending in but a few hours as of this writing, fails to acknowledge or mention the accomplishments of our league and members this past year. Barry Bonds? Phooey! Michael Vick? Bulldog! Baseball Steroid scandal? What about THE SNAPPERS? So allow me your oh so humble leader to list a few of what I believe to be the highlights of the 2007 season>>>>>
Pictured: A leisurely boat ride across Lake Walden on our way back to the clubhouse side dock after the front nine at The Majestic. 
May 29, 2004 I sat at a table on the beer deck checking the math on Snapper golf cards (fifty five... fifty six... fifty seven...). Fellow Snappers were swapping traffic violation stories like old sailors rolling up their pant legs and comparing shark wounds. Mister Cowan's partner, Shang, had started the subject earlier when he hired Snapper to help him with a ticket (allegedly for speeding, but Shang claims it was a wrongful citation as he was in a hurry that day). Shang became concerned and wondered aloud if he was still on Snapper's "billing clock." Snapper told Shang not to worry, as he will work for beers. Shang, here is a running legal bill (bar tab) for Snapper's services. 
SNAPPER
LINKS: [News]DaBlade hits the road so you don't have to, to report the news you really don't care about. [League Stats]Visit the league stats to see the latest golf sheet, check the schedule, or to count your awards. [Snapper Rules]Our league rules started with the basic USGA rules, but have mutated to accomodate our sedentary lifestyles and beer drinking prowess. Hey! Golf is supposed to be fun! [Player Photos] Meet the Snappers! Save them! Print them! Collect them all! Send me a stamped "self-addressed" envelope, I'll get your favorite Snapper to sign (or leave his mark) on it!Don't have a nickname yet? Well what are you waiting for? Have your golf game analyzed and get an appropriate nickname. [Asshole of the Day]Majority rules, as nominations and clubhouse votes award this coveted honor weekly. You might also find clues here as to why the league is so well traveled. [Turtle Soup]Hungry for more? Fill up with miscellaneous pictures, wavs, links, and other crap (like my famous "golf haikus"). 
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A snapper was found wandering outside it's enclosure at the local zoo, where authorities captured it without incident. Reports unclear if turtle was taunted before it's escape, but a green golf tee was found near-by.
Chris “CMoney a/k/a Lil Snapper Carlson update. Friday 6/20 closed reduction of boxer’s fracture was a success (so far) and the wed 6/25 open reduction and pin surgery was cancelled. Chris explained that the closed reduction (2nd attempt) involved the doctor applying local anesthetic Chris described as about as effective as vicks vapo rub, then manually manipulating the bone back into place as if his hand were silly putty and more properly described as “PURE TORTURE!!!!” but alas … if the bone fragments do not move again, and healing begins, golf is somewhere in his future this season.
I received a Ping cart bag for a birthday gift from my mother a few years ago. It seemed to be the perfect receptacle to carry my Ping Eye's, with the 6-way soft cover top and pockets galore - I'm sure it was a $300 or more bag brand new. The problem is, the most important zipper on this bag (that being the one on the bottom pocket that houses my ample supply of golf balls) no longer works. And it's not like the zippered bag has a real difficult job. All I would expect my golf bag to do for my 20 to 25 rounds per year is for this bottom zipper to successfully open and close, allowing me access to the contents of the pocket after I lose a ball from an errant shot. That's it! (admittedly I lose a lot of balls. If this were a car, I'd be putting "city miles" on it). But some time ago, the zipper broke. It's not that it pulled away from the bag. The thick roped stitching is still holding, and is the kind that I imagine Rosie O'Donnell requiring for her inseam. (Yikes! No picture.) It's just that the zippered teeth stopped locking. Last season, I simply left the pull tab at half mast. This was semi-functional, but I would occasionally lose a ball or two out of the side openings. Plus, it irritated the hell out of me all last season!
