2015 Assholes of the Day


Steve Markunas (you dirty dog) "recovering alcoholics" (May 14, 2015)  
Scott Gregory "delayed cart operation" (June 11, 2015)  
Dishonorable Mentions (June 18, 2015)  
Steve Peltier "for a little while" (June 25, 2015)  
Timmy Kachelski "THE LAST PENIS ON EARTH" (July 16, 2015)  
ERIK "Brah" STANLEY "wanton disregard for wildlife" (July 23, 2015)  
Tim Kachelski "failure to advocate for his own partner" (July 30, 2015)  
Jamie Leece "outdriven by a girl" (August 6, 2015)  
Tommy Harrison "the Helicopter" (August 13, 2015)  
Jim Kuhla "enthusiastic lack of confidence" (August 27, 2015)  

ASSHOLE OF THE DAY:, May 14, 2015:
ah brutha in law Steve Markunas (you dirty dog).......Steve noticed that one beverage cart girl was very young, not someone we had seen before and despite her efforts and willingness to learn how to be the very best beverage cart server she could be, just might be the kinda person who: 1. was actually on her first day or close to it, 2. did not know who we were either or what we were about & 3. probably had not yet encountered golfers quite like us....so Steve put on his very best solemn and sincere face and whispered into her ear something like this: "You know so & so (calling her by the name on her shiny new name tag) we have a little problem with the group behind us that you could help us out with…you see they are recovering alcoholics and they are not doing so well right now…last week they caused quite a scene so for them and us and for their families especially…it would probably be best if you did not offer them anything to drink….But I have to go that way to serve the rest of my route…which ones are they? she inquired…actually all of them…try staying on the opposite side of the fairway and do not even look their way when you go by…….WHICH SHE DID!!!!!!.....so there were the 4 guys who probably down more cans of beer between them on league night (with the possible exception of Timmy K)…Bill Pic Pic Cape wildly ringing his beer call bell….Dave Lawless with hands on hips simply looking incredulously her way…new guy Erik yelling WTF????..and Chris CMoney Carlson who fired up his own cart and chased her all the way to the next hole where she explained what happened and he throughout fits of his own guffaws slowly spelled the word g-u-l-l-i-b-l-e…to her (in a nice way) and told her that she and they had been had…Steve Tannar when told of this after the fact slowly went through the names of his employees in his head and then correctly named the poor girl saying yea she would fall for that….so as not to embarrass her or Steve the name will be withheld from this post…but Steve Markunas????...ASSHOLE>>>ASSHOLE>>>ASSHOLE
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ASSHOLE OF THE DAY:, June 11, 2015:
Scott Gregory. Quiet, unassuming Scott Gregory. That guy who goes out of his way not to call attention to himself. Feeling a little bit frisky this week apparently and decided to have some fun with his partner, Matt Murany, who may not have had quite so much fun as Scott. So the short uphill par 4 - you know the one - with the big assed green at the bottom of a 40 foot hill and the so called greenside cart path you are supposed to park next to up at the top???? Well Scott was the cart driver and as such the keeper of the clubs for the team. Matt needed a wedge chipper of some sort and a putter. These utensils were in his bag on the cart under the control and supervision of Scott. so Matt is standing next to his ball either at the top of the hill or the bottom (I forget which) and Scott in the cart is located in the other location. Matt: "Hey partner, can you bring me that wedge chipper thingy and my putter?" Scott: *blank stare* So Matt, who apparently had forgotten to use the magic word, (PLEASE) starts walking to the cart to get it himself and climbs up or down (which ever) almost but not quite there about call it 6 feet from the cart when Scott on apparent delayed reaction drives the cart past Matt and over next to Matt's golf ball to deliver the clubs as requested thereby requiring Matt to retrace his steps to the point of origin. For this as recited by witness and playing opponent Dave Lawless. in apparent dismay that a partner, friend and helper would treat Matt in such a way. Scott heard the familiar chorus: "AAAAASSHOLE... AAAAASSHOLE... AAAASSHOLE!!


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ASSHOLE OF THE DAY:, June 18, 2015:
None deserving and none awarded. We did have a couple of honorable mentions. Dave Lawless & Bill Cape in the lead group for the league were nominated by Jamie leece in the second group off the tee for not once but twice having to be chased down at the hole after each par 3 for having failed, neglected and/or refused to leave the proximity markers greenside after missing the green with all four shots in their group (Cape, Lawless, Hochstein & Kulha). That is an "O FOR 8". The only reason they did not win is it was unknown which was primarily responsible for the infractions.

Also, Don Savoie was nominated by Erik "Don't call me Brah" Stanley for hitting into their group. Erik apparently did not read the rules and did not know (you cannot win aotd for something that can be considered playing or not playing golf). Don set him straight with a perfect defense: "It is only a true asshole thing to do if I did it on purpose Brah."


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ASSHOLE OF THE DAY:, June 25, 2015:
Steve "Shang" Peltier wins for falsely taking possession of unearned greenie money. Evidence submitted to the league quorum included the actual greenie marker card for hole #25 that clearly showed, in Mr. Peltier's OWN HANDWRITING: Steve "Shang" (for a little while). We've all been there before. Your shot hits the green, but clearly it is nowhere near the actual hole, and the odds of that being closest to the pin are nil - but you sheepishly put down your name (cuz you never know with this group). As a modifier, you include "for a little while" as a way to give the rest of the league a "wink and a nod" and to acknowledge it is, in fact, a shitty shot. After the round, you show up on the beer deck for the announcements (cuz you never know with this group). Pic Pic is confused by your presence, and states as much, "Steve never shows up. He must think he's won!". Chris C-Money reads off the winners in Papa C's absence (mumbling "heavy is the weight of the man bag..."), he sees "Steve" on a greenie card and mistakenly interprets this and reads it as the incorrect nickname "Shang" when the winner was actually Steve "Hollywood". "Shang" grabs the $20 bill. The mistake was realized and announced. The $20 was snatched from Shang's shocked grasp and given to its rightful owner, as the league chanted, AAAAASSSSHOOOOOLEEE! Shang, you should have trusted your original instincts. At least you had that $20 bill, if only "for a little while". Accept this free golf ball as a parting gift instead.

Honorable Mention: A visibly inebriated and vision-challenged Dave Lawless watched groups hit up to the final hole from his cart perch at the last hole gallery. When a gentleman in plaid slacks hit up to, but just off the green, Dave wondered out loud who that golfer was. Steve Markunas confidently answered, "Oh, that's Doyne." Dave asked why Doyne would be upset for just missing the green. "That's a good shot from there for Doyne." Steve answered, "I don't know, but that is definitely Doyne." In fact, it was Herb Green (and not Doyne) and became obvious to Dave when the group was within his clouded site range. Steve (with 20/20 vision) narrowly misses!


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ASSHOLE OF THE DAY:, July 16, 2015:
Well Little Timmy Kachelski tried to garner support for his nomination of Rick Carlson or Chris Carlson (whichever accidentally put the handicap strokes per hole in the line for Boobs hole by hole scores). Perhaps the nomination failed because everyone was afraid to support such nonsense or perhaps because the nominees both volunteer their time to the league whereas TK is only known to have volunteered something once in his lifetime to which (as a reported by a reliable source witness) the girl he volunteered to responded: "NOT IF YOU WERE THE LAST PENIS ON EARTH"….anyway…I digress…. during discussion of this nomination it was pointed out by TK's opponents Cape & Lawless that they volunteered an eraser to Tim to timely correct the card at the inception of the round and he refused choosing to safeguard his opportunity for a vitriolic (take that word and stuff in your truculent arse Lawless) and spittle laden nomination when he turned in his scorecard with Boobs scores written everywhere on the card. But Timmy was not himself nominated for this…Why? Because he had already won the daily AOTD for insulting Cape & Lawless by asking each of them after a shot to the left side (blind to him) if he was laying ok…and each of them in turn having seen the shot bounce softly and safely if somewhat errantly: Yes Tim your fine….only to have Tim refuse to accept their good faith answers and turning to partner Boob and inquiring: "did you see that?...am I safe?"


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ASSHOLE OF THE DAY:, July 23, 2015:
ERIK "Brah" STANLEY wins for gross negligence to the point of recklessness with willful and wanton disregard for the life and safety of the wildlife. But first a word about the nickname. "Brah", as he is affectionately and endearingly referred to by most Snappers now, gained the nickname in similar fashion to many who attempt to avoid being nicknamed. Most of us know that if you want something to be the case (for example if you want that Snappers do not call you Brah) NEVER NEVER NEVER tell one of them and expect that your sensitive side and feelings will be respected on the matter. It was the first week of golf or thereabouts when Erik referred to his new partner, Chris, as "Dude". Something like this: "Hey Dude would you pass me a beer?" or, "I hear what you're saying Dude" - to which Chris immediately responded by calling Erik (who apparently sounded like a surfer wannabe) "Brah", maybe once. Maybe twice... who remembers?... It should have been all over then and there point taken. But Erik then looked Chris in the eye with a somber and earnest face and said "Please don't call me BRAH". So there ya have it…. he is now and always will be ERIK the BRAH - or just BRAH for short.

So anyway BRAH missed the discussion and nomination and vote wherein he was awarded AOTD because he chose (some say to avoid paying off his preleague Snake bet loss) to play on after league and not come in until everyone was hopefully gone. According to playing opponent Dave Wolfenden who was an eyewitness, BRAH was in the fairway after his tee shot with a fairway wood in hand when he noticed the most difficult to avoid seeing. A deer standing between his ball and the green in the fairway estimated to be 25-30 yards at most from his ball. BRAH proceeded to address and hit his ball directly into the underbelly of one of God's most precious creatures. The deer it is said may have fallen screaming in pain to the ground before half crawling to the woods on its knees... this last part was reported by eyewitness Steve with a half smirk on his face but without rebuttal it was accepted as fact.

A healthy discussion ensued. The nomination was for messing with the wildlife but it was determined that it was a ball in play and not an extra ball or a wagered ball as Snappers have done over the years (for example closest to the woodchuck chips for a buck or accosting snapping turtles with golf tees and equipment in their natural habitat) Since it was a ball in play a new defense was suggested... you cannot receive AOTD for playing golf badly. How different is this from an unnamed Snapper having struck a shot from the blue tees directly into the white tee marker some 20 yards forward?, someone queried. Well, other than the tee marker not being alive, it is different also in that the tee marker, unlike the deer, does not move. BUT IT REFUSED TO MOVE we are told. great efforts were made by BRAH to cause the deer to move and yet it refused... A majority of Snappers found this unconvincing and deciding that the deer could have been caused to move with a little more effort then BRAH politely requesting it a single time, and BRAH won AOTD this day for recklessness, willfulness and wantonness in the timing of the taking of the shot; it having been so determined not to be simply playing bad golf. CONGRATS BRAH!


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ASSHOLE OF THE DAY:, July 30, 2015:
Tim Kachelski for "failure to advocate for his own partner." (TK translation: to publicly recommend or support). After early, yet luke-warm support for a shotgun nomination of the League President, the administration , and even the webmaster regarding content of the sheet (or lack thereof) failed to get any momentum, focus and tide turned against the most vocal proponent of same. If Timmy K can make such an impassioned speech against league administration for failure to recognize some obscure achievemnet allegedly performed by his golf partner the prior week, then WHERE THE H#LL was he last week? Did Timmy K stand up and raise his beer and give a toast for his partner on the beer deck the prior week? No. Was there even a mention from Tim about his partner's unsubstantiated achievement? Not that anyone could remember. Like Wolf stated, "(If that was me) I would have stayed late and taken the next day off from work!" The implication being, that anyone else would have made it known to the league and thereby impossible to escape notice. For shame, Timmy K. You can't win AOTD for bad golf. But you sure can win for failure to point out your partner's good golf. One slightly used Ultra in your future.


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ASSHOLE OF THE DAY:, August 6, 2015:
AND THE WINNER IS... by unanimous consent - JAMIE LEECE. Jamie perhaps had weakened his right foot (the one he uses to push down on golf cart accelerators) last week in stepping on his opponents neck and applying pressure with that EAGLE (nice job. HaHa Boob I could not help bringing it up again) - or perhaps Jamie, a natural left hander and apparently natural left footer needs to work on his ambidexterity (is that a word Mr. Lawless, my retired school teacher friend?) - or perhaps Majestic employee Kylie, aka, Mario Andretti incarnate, noticed by all post round squealin tires and crashing carts around the drop off area is simply a better driver than he.

The story goes that Jamie was unsuccessful in propelling his golf cart around the course at about hole # 2 give or take and required assistance.no problem - his opponent Chris Carlson carefully positioned his own golf cart behind Jamies and gave him a soft nudge and then a push for call it 3 more holes or so until help arrived. the pro shop had been telephoned and advised of the broken down and mechanically unfit golf cart that had been loaned to Jamie for use in the round - and there she was, Kylie with another employee and a fresh cart in tow to trade Jamie for the reported malfunctioning cart which required about 3,000 nudges from behind by CMoney at that point. after unhooking the fresh cart and unloading the allegedly defective cart... just before hooking same up to be towed back to the clubhouse for mechanical overhaul... Kylie sat on it... pumped the accelerator twice and looking incredulously at Jamie drove it under its own power all the way back. when asked to pose with Jamie later for a picture Kylie felt compelled to make a statement, "There wasn't a damn thing wrong with his cart!". So Jamie whatever the cause or reason. congratulations on being outdriven by a girl albeit a right footed one.


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ASSHOLE OF THE DAY:, August 13, 2015:
AND THE UNDISPUTED WINNER IS - by unanimous consent, TOMMY "the Helicopter" HARRISON! Mild mannered, never angry Tommy has been playing superbly for many weeks now. He is clearly the most improved league golfer this year. So much so that it seems he has actually forgotten what it is like to miss-hit the ball... forgot, that is, until the weekend prior to last week's league play. Tom is reported by several Snappers witnessing the fiasco to have thrown a major temper tantrum on the course during non league leisure play which counted for absolutely nothing. One witness saw him throwing chairs kicking golf carts and of course involving himself in the ole club flipping after a bad shot. When flipping his club failed to have the desired effect on his game he is said to have begun whipping his offending golf clubs much much further with the classic sidearm helicopter throw. So as muted whispers of the tantrum were passed between those who had seen it and those who had not, one Non Witness (Jamie Leece of course) decided to bait Tommy on the first tee by flipping his own club 5 feet or so endangering no one and inquiring as loudly as possible so that Tom could be embarrassed in front of as many people as possible: "So is this how you did it Tommy?" To which Tommy, a true golf instructed replied: " No, this is how I did it", and immediately replicating the sidearm helicopter flip he had by then perfected distance-wis... as the club sailed ever farther from Tommie's hand it seemed to climb and climb and accelerate rather than slow and tumble to the ground as Tommie apparently expected, for it travelled so far from him and the teebox that he knew well before "Splash Down" which involved an upright stuck in the muck effect with a mere 2 inches protruduing above the surface the mistake that he had made. The club was retrieved after shoes and socks and a laughing human chain was formed with poor Tommie at the end.


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ASSHOLE OF THE DAY:, August 27, 2015:
Dishonorable mention to Jim Kuhla, for displaying an enthusiastic lack of confidence in his partner's tee shot "over the shit" on hole#26. According to opponents Cape and Lawless, Ken's mighty swing launched his ball as if shot out of a cannon, and there was never a doubt his ball would not only make it over the shit, but whether he potentially was going to fly the green of this 301 yard par 4. That's why it was confusing to the lads when Ken's own partner immediately began to verbally coax Ken's ball to, "GO! GO! GO! GET OVER!"


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