2014 Assholes of the Day

Dishonorable Unmentionables (May 8, 2014)  
Dishonorable Unmentionables (May 22,2014)  
Darren Bentley, for dereliction of Card Cap'n duties (May 29,2014)  
Herb Green TURNED DOWN FREE BEER (June 5,2014)  
Herb Green, for GROSS HYPERSOMNIA (June 19,2014)  
Jim Kuhla, Beer-N-Corn? (June 26,2014)  
Rick Carlson, for gross disrespect (July 17,2014)  
Leece, for acting "Jamie like" (July 31,2014)  
Larry Cooper, the shot heard 'round the league (August 28,2014)  

ASSHOLE OF THE DAY:, May 8, 2014:
none deserving none awarded... Honorable mention to Tommy "need hndcp for year end North trip" Harrison nominated by Wolf for turning down Dave's request for a pic pic of equidistant 18 in putts but then immediately accepting a pic pic offer from Wolf's partner Steve for the same hole. hmmmm... Snapper was by the way heard to inquire of Tommy before the round whether he was playing for points or cap this nite. His response? "Both I think, we're playing against Wolf. Shouldn't be that hard".

Dishonorable mention to Snapper nominated by TK (in jest. see below) for instigating the 4 pt controversy with no regard for the rules, and by Jamie "Peaches" Leece (in earnest with spittle flying from his lips in all directions and his voice incredulously increasing 10 additional decibels no one thought possible for the man, as he vehemently agreed that the 4 pts should go to TK & Boob and should come from Snapper. Unfortunately for Jamie, he was one of the few Snappers that had either not been clued in advance that the whole controversy was a charade intended to "stir the pot" and get BOOB, who in his competitive nature sometimes appears to love pts more than life itself (ha!) feeling aggrieved, or for the others not clued in catching on fairly early and playing along. Even TK had been told to help us rile up BOOB before giving him his pts to which he clearly is entitled under our rules. Looks like the joke turned out to be on Jamie who was only doing what he always does, ie, disagreeing with the majority for the sake of it.

There was a funny event which did not get mentioned as it became impossible once Jamie started the tirade. It may have resulted in an AYOTD vote for somebody. Just prior to the start of league, former league member and frequent substitute and favorite "brunt of our jokes whipping boy, Bob 'woa is me' Maguff, telephoned Snapper, who seeing it was Bob, put it on speaker for the listening pleasure of the 4 or 5 Snappers sitting with him. Bob announced that he was just down the road at the Preserve Golf Club if anyone on the league needed a sub, to which the crowd loudly guffawed and laughed scorningly at the suggestion. Snapper retorted ok Bob hahah I'll ask around and immediately hung up.

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ASSHOLE OF THE DAY:, May 22, 2014:
none deserving none awarded... none deserving none awarded. yawn...
Honorable mention to Rick Carlson for celebrating his 38th wedding anniversary at league with the boys... Dishonorable mention to Dave Lawless whose partner Bill Cape nominated him for picking him up for golf in a 5th wheel transporting livestock (2 of the smelliest Bassett Hounds you could ever meet, or so says Bill) left him gagging with his head out the window all the way to golf then worried about them chewing up his shoes while locked up during golf.

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ASSHOLE OF THE DAY:, May 29, 2014:
We finally have a winner, as Darren Bentley snags our most dubious distinction. This may or may not be the first time since the league's inception in 1988 that it has taken the fifth week before a worthy anus crowned, but it is definitely the first time an official team scorecard has been lost and unrecovered.

What's this about a Card Captain you ask? The answer can be found in the AOTD archives from May 4, 2000. Basically, we require a Card Captain be appointed and sworn in before each round to ensure the return of completed scorecard. Below is the oath (with slight changes)

"Card Captain Oath"
I (state your name) pledge allegiance to the card
Of the United Snappers of the Majestic.
And to its return, to Snap I will hand
One scorecard, after round
With beer stains and math errors from all.

Now to the unpleasantries...

Darren Bentley, for dereliction of Card Cap'n duties, and for returning to the clubhouse post-round WITHOUT your soldier... errr... card. By the Uniform Code of Snapper Justice and the powers vested in me by the AOTD quorem and jury of your peers, it is hereby adjudged that Darren Bentley receive the dishonorable AOTD award, reduced to the lowest Snapper League grade and stripped of his future Card Cap'n duties for the forseeable future. WE ARE SNAPPERS, MAN! We never leave a fallen card behind. Ever!

And we're not buying that it was "that other guy..."

RECAP: Since Steve "Shang" Peltier was the only one of the foursome who actually remembered their score, he received it. The other 3 were given their season average, as "penalizing" them with additional strokes would only increase their handicaps in future rounds. The point allocation was known and not in dispute, and so ordered used.

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ASSHOLE OF THE DAY:, June 5, 2014:
It is well documented that Snappers will go to just about any length for FREE BEER, as the current #8 on the top 10 AOTD list will attest. That's why it was more than a little befuddling that a so-called Snapper would TURN DOWN FREE BEER, which is exactly the offense for which Herb Green has been convicted. The purveyor of this FREE BEER was a young man who was sitting in a cart at the first par 3 tee box. As we drove up to the tee box, the purveyor of FREE BEER, turned state's witness, inquired if we wanted to participate in a "closest to the pin for a FREE BEER". We had a good laugh at that question, but the young man responded by stating that the greenie winner in the group ahead of us turned down his FREE BEER. We refused to believe the veracity of his assertion, and simply responded that there was no way they were in our league then. The young man said, "Oh, I know all about the Snapper League." Well, I certainly thought I KNEW all about the Snappers, that is until we returned post-round to find that Herb verified and admitted he was the culprit who TURNED DOWN the FREE BEER. Herb won the AOTD by a landslide.

Honorable Mentions: Ken Hochstein, for celebrating his 32nd Anniversary of wedded bliss and spending it with fellow Snappers instead of the wife. Timmy K, for his choice of knee-high "anklet socks" he admitted were on their third day in-a-row 'on duty', with his heels exposed through gaping holes.

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ASSHOLE OF THE DAY:, June 19, 2014:
Honorable mention to retired school teacher, Dave Lawless, nominated by his partner pic pic for calling him a name he and most of the league had no idea the meaning of. "You are sooooo Truculent!," Dave exclaimed. "Look it up boys..."

Dishonorable mention to Jamie Leece, who now one week prior to the midway point in the season and upcoming first position round with current second place foe, exclaimed that it is over as far as he is concerned, that he and Herb will win the league this year and he is ready to place his request for color for the league champ embroidered golf towel. WEBMASTER'S NOTE: You're towel design request has been received. You don't have to keep sending it in.

The winna is Herb Green who received a courtesy telephone call from his partner Jamie asking if he was about ready to be picked up in a golf cart in the parking lot, seeing as it was 5:10 pm already. Herb said, "uh... not quite yet. I was taking a nap!!!!" Taking a nap in his bed in his Grand Blanc home 10 minutes after first tee time without a care in the world for the rest of us. so for what Wikipedia may call GROSS HYPERSOMNIA, but the rest of us agreed was just plain rude. Congrats Herb Green.

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ASSHOLE OF THE DAY:, June 26, 2014:
Jim Kulha. Apparently the product of a very difficult "forceps delivery" many years ago when being pulled into this world from his mother's womb while hanging on with both hands inside, won the revered award by spending hours with us all league night with an empty beer can mounted to his forehead with nothing but his misshapen head and a little sweat. check out the video online to see him even successfully playing the downhill par three without losing his unibeerhorn.

Jim the first sighting... Beer-N-Corn? Far less seen than the overrated unicorn

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ASSHOLE OF THE DAY:, July 17, 2014:
Rick "Snapper" Carlson was nominated and won for gross disrespect to Bill "Pic Pic" Cape, according to his partner Dave Lawless anyway. Reminiscent of previously years ago winning AOTD for having successfully offered Bill (and I might add receiving a quick "yes" when a pic pic putt was offered when Rick had in fact already maxed out) this week Rick, with somber and apparent sincere offer, gave Bill a very long 8 foot putt with no strings attached. "THAT'S GOOD BILL!!!" The problem is, Bill, who had made a point the entire round up until then that Snapper never gave him anything, this time had already struck his ball without hitting the hole a total of 7 times, and it being a par 3, by rule Rick's offer of a gimmee on the next putt would have been Bill's 8th shot (one more than our liberal double par + 1 stroke rule employed by the league) Rick's defense was that Bill, as before and as always, had gladly and appreciatively accepted the offer. But alas, his partner didn't, and Rick won the coveted AOTD for his effort.

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ASSHOLE OF THE DAY:, July 31, 2014:
n/a. Jamie gets honorable mention nominated by last group for sitting behind the green until they were finished teeing off (protecting his greenie from the last group syndrome). They called him on it: "What? You watchin' us so we don't cheat?" Jamie of course undiplomatically admitted it, and so was nominated for being... well... "Jamie like". The group refused him a golfball AOTD award again because it was agreed that he just cannot help it.

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The final asshole of the day award goes out to Larry Cooper for hitting into Ken Hochstein on the green from anywhere from 160 out to 360 out depending on who you talk to. All poor Ken did was host some of the guys at his club course and then tried to putt out on the green and escape with his life. Larry (who finished the year with the second lowest league season average and seldom found to hit a ball some place he did not plan on it goin exactly) tried to defend with the ole "Shot of my Life" defense, but the Snappers were having none of it. Congrats Larry. You finally made the last column on the far right of the sheet.

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