2012 Assholes of the Day

Bob "BOOB" Baumann (May 3, 2012) for extreme naiveté & tolerance 
BOBBIE MAGUFFEE (May 10, 2012) for obliviously absconding the flagstick 
Timmy K (May 17, 2012) for golf ball brand malefeasance 
Dishonorables (May 24, 2012)PLUS Shang's attempted hijack of partner's score  
Jamie Leece (May 31, 2012) for Flagging the Petunias 
BILL "Pic Pic" Cape (June 7, 2012) for extreme ingratitude 
Timmy Kachelski (June 14, 2012) in a "you pick it" 
Scott Cowan (June 21, 2012) for extreme "good fun" shenanigans naivete 
Jeff Nesgoda (June 28, 2012) for ill-advised ATTEMPTED PARTNER HELPFULNESS 
Steve Markunas (July 26, 2012) for being the sole dissenter for rescinding Special Rule 5a  
Dishonorables (August 2, 2012)  
Dishonorables (August 16, 2012)  
Dishonorable to the Comanche Cigar (August 23, 2012)  
Dishonorable (August 30, 2012)  

ASSHOLE OF THE DAY:, May 3, 2012:
BOOB BAUMANN, With only minor discussions at the post round gathering due to the weather, the uncompleted scorecards and games computations (thanks for your help Jamie & Herb - CMoney & I appreciate it) there was one guy who seemed to standout and in my opinion won the first AOTD award. Bob "Boob" Bauman for extreme naiveté & tolerance of the boatload of crap his new partner (who he was trying so hard to please) "Timmy K" showered upon him... first having never met each other, they were introduced on the telephone a few weeks ago and when Bob began immediately to puff out his young chest and promise Tim great victories in the league this year - as only a young guy will - Tim immediately nicknamed him "Boob" and refuses, to date, to hear him referred to otherwise, correcting anyone who addresses him as Bob (His name's Boob).

Then last week in another telephone call, Boob was instructed to bring beer. Not just any beer or any quantity but "Amstel lite" - 12 pack - cans, not bottles, or there was gonna be a problem with the team chemistry right from the start. Boob, not knowing Timmy and hearing that Snappers break the rules of golf, so they must also break the state's liquor laws and bring beer onto the course secreted in their bags - not appreciating that we do not do this, that there are beverages for sale at the course and Beer Babes delivering them to us on carts - determined to get his new partner the beer requested to get off on the right foot so to speak. "Amstel lite please, a 12 pack of cans not bottles," he exclaimed to the proprietors of the closest 6 or 7 beer stores he normally frequented. "Nah we don't have that," was the answer he got over and over. Frantically, he finally found success only to have Timmy K make him leave it in the car and show some respect to the course and Beer Babes.

But as Arlo Guthrie said, 20 minutes into his famous song: "That's not what I came here to tell you about". At the end of the round, Boob wants to exchange information with his new partner so they can call each other if late or a sub is needed. He opens his phone and begins saving Timmy's cell phone number being given to him slooooowly, digit by digit...

Timmy "TuTone" says: eiiiight... siiiix... seveen... fiiive... threeee... ohhh... nieeeeyiine. Everybody starts laughing as the most famous telephone number in the world is now saved in a bewildered Boob's phone as his partner Timmy K's contact. Rey suggested they make up a song to help him remember it.Nessie and Chris started singing Jennie Jennie and Boob now getting it lowered his head in shame and removed the number from his contacts list.

Dishonorable mentions to Herb Green who somehow managed to entangle a rope separating where you are allowed to drive your carts from where you are not allowed to drive them in both axles of the golf cart...Jamie.a troubleshooter by nature.helped him disentangle their cart then blamed his missed putt on Herb's misadventure.

Dishonorable mention also to Timmy K for initially listening to a brand new Beer Babe we had never met, likely working her first day, who upon encountering them with the first few sprinkles of rain told them they were going to have to go straight to the clubhouse and quit since it was raining, forgetting that the clubhouse gives such directives for course closure due to weather by messaging on the gps monitor on each cart and does not authorize Beer Babes to close the course, especially on their first day on the job. Timmy began to follow the directive until he realized he was the only one and everybody else was still playing The minor delay caused the last few groups to get wet, according to Jamie.

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ASSHOLE OF THE DAY:, May 10, 2012:
BOBBIE MAGUFFEE for obliviously absconding from the 5th green with the flagstick in hand. So utterly exuberant was Bobbie with scoring a par on the "5 Hole" for a net Birdie, that he quickly bent over picked up the various chipping and putting utensils (9 iron, PW, GW, SW wedges and 3 putters) he had laid on the flagstick greenside... then absentmindedly picked up the flagstick, & with a "hop in his step" double timed it off the green and to his cart where he for the 1st time apparently realized there was no place in his bag for a 9 foot pole with a flag at the end. Quickly retracing the 35 yards or so from the cart back onto the green to place the stick in the cup to a chorus of angry roars and WTF's being shouted at him from the fairway by Snappers set to approach. One Snapper accused Bobbie of trying out for the aircraft carrier LSO team (Landing Signal Officer's) having missed his chance when younger, taking a medical marijuana military deferment. Another stated it looked like some kind of Navy ICS (Intl. Code of Signals) attempt to spell "Bravo- India-Romeo- Delta-India-Echo" (BIRDIE). Yet another thought Bobbie might be impersonating an overweight elderly HS Band Baton/Flag Majorette. But in truth at the end of the day all agreed that Bobbie clearly appeared next to his golf cart to have absolutely no idea why he had carried the flagstick away with him until it dawned on him as in the Sesame Street song (one of these things is not like the other).

Dishonorable mentions to CMoney & Naked Dave - good Samaritans the week prior by voluntarily putting the top up on friend Rey's convertible Jeep they knew he would not be able to do himself before the deluge of rain came down, while ignoring Rey's partner Nessie's convertible Jeep parked next to it.

Dishonorable mention also to Paul & Matt Wojo who are courteous and quiet and liked by all for insisting absolutely that they re-claim the tee box from attempted interlopers (teams Cowan/Peltier & Leece/Green) but so as to maintain their reputation and offend no one, insisting further the Little Timmy K re-claim it for them (which, being unconcerned with his reputation & "likeability", did so in due course).

Dishonorable mentions also to Rey for pounding his club into the ground repeatedly after poor shots and Paul Throesch accused of intentionally stealing a golf ball he knew did not belong to him because it had a cool logo.

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ASSHOLE OF THE DAY:, May 17, 2012:
Timmy K in a close vote over Pic-Pic and those choosing to award no AOTD at all this week and some wishing to award AOTD to a nonleague member - BEER BABE OF WEEK Stephanie (see below) Pic Pic innovatively now brings a Beer Bell with him which he uses to beckon the Beer Babe(s) coming anywhere within hearing distance to make his intentions as to another beverage perfectly clear. TK however, as usual appears later than his scheduled tee time for work scheduling difficulties, hurries to the tee and plays the 1st hole the best he can. Then at the next tee (the 2nd hole of the night) he goes to his golf bag and extracts several balls (call it 10 or so) and arranges 2 piles. One pile is composed of balls good enough for him to put into play for the night (call them Ultra's, which they are. Every one of them. He plays nothing else) The second pile are non Ultra's he refuses to play in a round and consist of various other brands... many shinier and whiter than his Ultras. TK calls the second pile "shag balls" and starts hitting them into the woods one by one. Partner Boob gets some revenge on his partner for being a 3 week whipping boy by asking incredulously, "What the hell kinda ball is not good enough for a guy who plays 13-cent Ultras?" Timmy K inspects the next "shag ball" and finds it to be a top flite, but could just have easily been a titleist or callaway or other "non Ultra"... the deciding figure on Timmy winning the AOTD was when someone pointed out that his Asshole of the Day prize of a logo'd titleist would simply be intentionally hit into the woods one night anyway.

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ASSHOLE OF THE DAY:, May 24, 2012:
To maintain the integrity of this our most revered weekly award, none were considered deserving and so none were awarded this week. We did have a few nominations, notably Little Timmy K drinking his beer from a sippy cup with a lid and straw and Bob Maguff for writing his name on the wrong side of the greenie card which had names on both sides of the card when turned into us requiring some explanation. We get that it was windy and the card blew to the other side of the stake for bob, but clearly the stake was on the green and without a name on the card Bob might consider inquiring by turning it over like Cowan thereafter did to write his name for the closests and winning shot after Bob... no AOTD as it was not clear whether Bob was intentionally trying to wrest another free golf ball from us the 2nd week in a row.

Post Round AOTD Nomination: Steve "Shang Quan Phat" Peltier, a/k/a Shang, is hereby nominated for AOTD for 5/24/2012 round he did not play or compete in, and the nomination is made retroactively and in absencia, due to his League related assholishness for that week. Shang vehemently insists and will not take NO for an answer (**see email/guestbook string(s) below) to Snapper & DaBlade that he shot "44" and his partner shot "45" the week prior (5/17/2012) and that we made a mistake in recording on the league stats sheet that he shot "45" and Cowan shot "44" and we MUST CHANGE IT.

First understand that were these scores transposed it would not have affected the hole by hole or total points scored by each team on 5/17/2012. It would however have given Cowan 1 more hdcp stroke to work with in Shang's absence on 5/24/2012. We reported to Shang that he was mistaken in the belief that we had made an error and that the official scorecard turned into us at the end of the match showed the scores as posted Shang "45" and Cowan "44" and that further the addition of each of their hole by hole scores logged on the card before it was turned into us calculated to the same sums.

So far he can only be accused of legitimate inquiry which we encourage. However Shang's response now, is as follows: "Cowan must have fucked up the card. I kept track of my horrible shots on a separate card and my score was 44". I can only surmise that his argument is that despite his partner Cowan having turned in their scorecard to us thereby attesting to the hole by hole scores carded by each of them, and despite these scores adding up correctly to scores of "44" Cowan and "45" Shang, because he kept a separate scorecard which was not turned into us, which he likely no longer has possession of, apparently did not verify for errors or accuracy with his partner before the official scorecard was turned in, but he knows and remembers was a total of "44" strokes and not "45" we must believe him and change the stat sheet to so reflect.

We respectfully decline to do so and give the following reason(s) in support of our decision. Our league rules say nothing specifically about turning in scorecards with errors nor of turning them in at all. We have informally adopted a "Card Captain" rule not in writing which simply addresses the fact from past such difficulties that we cannot post any scores for your match unless or until you turn a damn scorecard in so each 2man team must elect one of them "Card Captain" for the night to turn in their card. Since we do not have a specific written rule on scorecards being turned in with errors we can, as we have done in the past, either write a new rule if necessary, or defer to USGA rules as our Rule #1 states "USGA Rules except as modified herein". Since we now have 11 written league rules already with 9 separate clarifications, revisions, exceptions, exclusions and rewrites, which we think is plenty, let us look to USGA Rules which do not often make sense but certainly do here.

USGA Rule 33-5. Score Card
In stroke play, the Committee must provide each competitor with a score card containing the date and the competitor's name or, in foursome or four-ball stroke play, the competitors' names. In stroke play, the Committee is responsible for the addition of scores and application of handicapsMoreover, we look for guidance to the following excerpt of USGA Rule 6:

6-6. Scoring in Stroke Play
a. Recording Scores
After each hole the marker should check the score with the competitor and record it.
b. Signing and Returning Score Card
After completion of the round, the competitor should check his score for each hole and settle any doubtful points with the Committee. He must return it to the Committee as soon as possible.

c. Alteration of Score Card
No alteration may be made on a score card after the competitor has returned it to the Committee.
d. Wrong Score for Hole
The competitor is responsible for the correctness of the score recorded for each hole on his score card. If he returns a score for any hole lower than actually taken, he is disqualified. If he returns a score for any hole higher than actually taken, the score as returned stands.
Note 1: The Committee is responsible for the addition of scores and application.

Sent via BlackBerry by AT&T

I checked the sheet on the website and think Scott's and my scores from last week were switched. Scott had the 45 and I had the 44. DaBlade says this will make Scott's handicap a 9 instead of an 8 and we all know Scott needs all the strokes he can get.

Please verify and correct if necessary.
Thanks Counselor.


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ASSHOLE OF THE DAY:, May 31, 2012:
We had a "froggy" group this week with numerous contenders for this award. Dishonorable mention to Nessie for making a cell phone call to the clubhouse midround complaining of slow play from the group ahead of him and requesting a ranger when he knew the group was our own league. Fred nominated Bob Maguffee for being... well, Bob Maguffee By refusing to give a single short gimme putt which Fred reluctantly admitted may have been a good call by Bob since he missed the putts over and over. Cape took Baby steps "heal to toe" from the flag to Jamie right in his line when Jamie asked him to avoid stepping in his line. Jokesters "Bill & Dave" were at it again reporting a failed attempt to pull one on Herb. They had a factory reject tee which appeared normal upon casual glance but was in fact bowled rather then cupped making it impossible to hold a golf ball. Dave casually dropped it on the tee in an area it might likely be found (having first gained the tee honor after 5 holes) and to their delight Herb picked it up and pocketed it. However, the anticipation of what was next to come disintegrated when Herb failed to pull the tee out from his pocket for use the rest of the round.

AND THE WINNER IS:... Jamie Leece, never known for his patience, was to be first off the tee so he abided by the league request to remember to pick up greenie stakes from the clubhouse if you are first off. Snapper and/or Chris realizing that most ignore this rule and pick up stakes themselves each week anyway. Jamie was beside himself... "WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT!!?," he screamed. Rather than walk 25 feet back to the clubhouse to return his unneeded stakes, or to walk 10 feet to the receptionist booth to return them... or just to leave them in his cart where they were going to be anyway had he used them and therefore could be easily located and retrieved by the Majestic Crew... Jamie solved the problem of this incredible inconvenience to himself (in his own mind) as only Jamie would, by planting the greenie stakes in the petunias (flower garden) he happened to be standing next to at the time. At least he made them face the clubhouse so they could eventually be located and put back in play by the course employees.

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ASSHOLE OF THE DAY:, June 7, 2012:
Asshole nominations were plentiful and included a dishonorable mention to Don Savoie for muck walking up to his waist on the par 3 hole number 22. Don hit his short 150 yard tee shot about 142 yards into the shit short right of the green, then watching his partner fail to come close to half that distance on the heels of 3 previous disaster holes, decided to leave the safety of the cart and walk to his ball - with the cart path around the cattail-laden area his ball had gone very nearby, and such cart path always opted for by anyone in this unfortunate circumstance. Don remembered that the shortest distance between two points being a straight line, he quickly determined that the drop area in front of the green being one point and his present position being point #2, he mentally drew a straight line through the cattails and began a misadventurous and ill-fated "walk about" on that line. Halfway across he found himself waist deep in black gooey muck of kinda like a quicksand consistency. Don still had the foresight upon extracting himself from this precarious situation to avoid a photograph, and while his partner and opponents rolled on the ground holding their stomachs against painful laughter, Don went to the nearby ice water cooler and cleaned himself up. Oooooooooooooooooooo... dats colllllddddddd!

AND THE WINNER IS... BILL "Pic Pic" Cape for extreme ingratitude. Now understand that as a longtime Snapper, Bill has taken it upon himself to assist the many new guys this year to fully understand the spirit of our league in our loose rules to make the game of golf more enjoyable and less oppressive. So last week, playing against new guys Harrison & Hamon, Bill found himself in a not uncommon circumstance after hitting his 1st shot (according to partner Lawless) into the shit, then (also according to Lawless) hitting at least his 2nd shot and perhaps his 3rd shot into the shit, Bill is now definitely in the shit. Surveying the situation, he realized that there were pickery thingys about him making the "snow angels" option uncomfortable (and having left his pruning shears in the cart too far away to retrieve) Bill decided on a combination of two tricks he uses on occasion First came the old "Stamp down your feet all around the hazard with baby steps" then the "delay your next shot as long as it takes" to get some relief offered from your opponents. This one is usually used on the green when Bill fumbles in his pocket feigning inability to find a coin to mark his ball in his opponents line. FINALLY, after an eternity as Harrison/Hamon feared groups of Snappers would begin stacking at the tee behind them, they announced in unison, "GO AHEAD and move your ball out a little. We are not that serious about scoring". Bill quickly accepted, picking up his ball and throwing it several feet to safety and snarled back at them: "It took you long enough!" For this exclamation, Pic Pic was voted AOTD.

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ASSHOLE OF THE DAY:, June 14, 2012:
Not too many Asshole nominations this week. Snapper tried to get Shang by recalling the pre-league conversation had in line for beer. Shang had his keys clipped to the outside beltloop of his cargo shorts janitor style with what appeared to Snapper to be a small penlight cylindrical in shape about 3 inches long (give or take whatever you tell your wife the length is) Anyway, Snapper smart aleccky asks: "So Steve, why do you carry a dog whistle on your key chain?" (as the device could also reasonably resemble such a contraption) Shang does not hesitate or bat an eye but responds: "You never know when I might get lucky!" Ha! Take that Timmy K. No AOTD was awarded for this as it was thought to be too clever and witty.

And the Winner is Timmy Kachelski in a "you pick it": As sometimes happens on league night one member will have one too may 5 hour energy drinks and by the time one nomination is made for him another is rolling out…this happened to TK this week. The most prominent nominations were:

#1 For calling a penalty on himself for a double hit after pitching the ball in the air and following through to strike it midair. Someone thought the double hit assholish although most (Snapper included) thought it was an awesome display of coordination. Most thought it was assholish to call the penalty on himself instead of keeping quiet and/or raising his palms and asking "What?" if someone tried to call it on him.

#2 Timmy was apparently helping partner Boob search for Boob's lost ball and after pocketing one without a comment, a Titleist or "rag ball" as Ultra loving TK refers to them, tells Boob to drop one and take his stroke. Upon doing so, TK throws the Titleist to his opponents for their use and Boob discovers it was his lost ball. Calling Timmy on it, TK defended himself with a lame "I thought you always played Taylor Made" excuse.

#3 The day started as usual with TK last to the tee but scheduled ahead of some already there tried to negotiate his cart to the front of the line. #10 tee box as we know is a tight fit around stationary golf carts parked on the curve, so Timmy went slow - almost, but not quite able to keep from knocking off a landscape brick - stopped his cart and went slowly forward (not backwards) knocking off a second brick and repeating the scenario until 5 bricks were left in a pile on the path. The boys who moved their carts thereafter were accused of "baiting" the fiasco intentionally and maybe they did, maybe not... but that did not save Timmy from the award.

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ASSHOLE OF THE DAY:, June 21, 2012:
Not too many Asshole nominations this week as the Snappers were spread out…the 10th tee cart barn full of carts early and most Snappers left to fend for themselves on various shortcuts by golf cart back to the clubhouse and many guys just meandered out on home after awhile.

But not Steve Shang Peltier nor his partner Scott ChipChunk Cowan, who each are herein profiled for the "good fun" shenanigans played by and upon them. 1st let's talk Shang. As I said, Shang stuck around for the post match meeting/autopsy. With a beer between his knees and both thumbs furiously working the old smart phone, Shang was clearly not interested in what the few of us on the drydocked smoking boat had to say. "So Shang what is so damn interesting that you can't talk to us?," we asked. "You texting someone more interesting then us?"... "Nah, just reading the news headlines". Must be damned important breaking news. We ask, "did another cruise ship sink?" Did Nancy Pelosi finally say something reasonable?... Did Putin spit on Obama who blamed it on something Bush did in 2007 before he took office? What what is it that has you so captivated?".... "here's one," he relates after a few more awkwardly silent moment's: "Jerry Sandusky Angry He's Not Going To Be Allowed To Tell The Tender, Romantic Side Of The Story" *chuckle chuckle* Then a few more minutes go by with Shang ignoring us and he says, "how bout this?... "Nike Releases New Olympic Track Suits Designed to Limit Penis Wind Resistance". What the hell you have there asks Snapper, all penis news stories all the time? I get my headlines from Drudge. Then Shang admits that he was reading from The Onion, which although it calls itself America's Finest news source is most of our favorite satirical online rag.

THE weekly AOTD winner is... Shang's partner Scott Cowan for, well, just taking a little too long figuring out he was being pranked again by prankster Snappers Cape & Lawless, even though the alternative was just too damn spooky. Scott arrived at the course just after - and parked just behind Cape & Lawless, apparently without noticing them still in their car. Scott gathered his belongings and started across the parking lot. One step. Lawless politely honks to say hi. Scott stops... looks back curiously at his own car, then at the keys in his hand he apparently must have pushed the button on... shrugs and walks away. That's all Lawless needed to catch on. This time 2 honks "honk honk" to which a perplexed Cowan stops again looks back not to Lawless but to his own car then at the keys in his hand shakes his head and walks away again... but no... "honk honk honk"... Cowan is beside himself as to why his car continues to say goodbye to him for no apparent reason until several moments later his gullibility is apparent to frantic smiling waves of the hands by Lawless & Cape.

Dishonorable Mention goes to Little Timmy K for turning in a crumpled up scorecard for 9 holes with 8 count em 8 corrections on it never mind the use of the mid 19th century invention "pencil erasor"…it caused Snapper to first have to ask in figuring out skins if one team really had 133 for the hole "67 + 76" to which TK explained the scores were just originally transposed and the actual scores were either "6 & 7" or "7 & 6" he could not recall which…..then Snapper noted that this scorecard ugly as it was indeed was not the worst looking thing ever turned in by Timmy K and Boob was asked to be proactive in coming weeks when the team card Capt was discussed.

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ASSHOLE OF THE DAY:, June 28, 2012:
Rey Farah nominated his partner Jeff Nesgoda and the league quorum agreed it was AOTD worthy. Jeff wins the award for - lets call it UNTIMELY & ILL ADVISED ATTEMPTED PARTNER HELPFULNESS. Rey had one of those long speedy creepy stoppy kinda putts on an undulating green he says was a 12-13 on the ole stint meter. So Rey carefully strikes the putt down the hill around the swell taking the break speeding up now up the hill slowing down creeping... almost there... 4 feet to go... slowing down up the hill and not gonna make it, the ball stops. Rey walks to his ball surveying the remaining short putt, bends over to mark it and partner Nessie believes,
1) while the ball is indeed stopped and could be legally marked, that if it is allowed to remain without being marked a few moments longer, it may begin to move again, and...
2) that the ball may well move closer to the hole for Rey, so Nessie (just as Rey is ready to mark) says, "STOP! WAIT!" So Rey stops... and waits... and sure enough, Nessie was correct. Sort of. The ball did start to roll again, but not towards the hole - but away from it another 15 feet or so further away from the hole on an impossible angle. Thanks partner. And the gallery, upon hearing this, did not wait for a formal vote but all sang out in unison our famous cheer... "ASSSHHHHOLLEEEE!" "ASSSHHHHOLLEEEE!"

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ASSHOLE OF THE DAY (July 26, 2012):
Dave Wolfenden was nominated for "extreme cruelty" for actively and with vigorous verbosity, shouting for opponent Doyne Cason's putt (his 5th shot on a par 3) to get "PAST THE SWILL, PAST THE SWILL! Your wish came true Wolf, as he missed, scoring a "6" on the hole. Had you not actively rooted against this gentlemanly sub, his "5" would have salvaged him a little respect, and you STILL would have won the hole by 2 strokes.

Bob "Boob" Baughman was nominated for extreme naiveté, a charge that won him the AOTD earlier in the year. During a pre-round strategy discussion, he told his partner Tim that it was "pin position 6". Knowing full well there are only 4 pin position possibilities, Tim asked Boob, "Who told you this?" "Wolf told me," said Boob.

Wolf was nominated for frequent infractions, due to his involvement in the first two nominations, as well as the aforementioned hypothetical tee jump.

Timmy K was nominated for wearing his well-traveled gray OSU polo again on the heels of the dramatic photo evidence against him the previous week.

Steve Markunas was nominated for third-party score card malfeasance. Since Snapper was already on his way to Daytona Beach, it was left up to me to collect and score the week (with C-Money's help). When I was given the score card with Tom Harrison's amazing "37" on it, something was said that led me to incorrectly believe that the posted "11" handicap for Tom wasn't his. Wanting to confirm this (as I am not a regular league member, and not wearing my reading glasses which would have allowed me to check the sheet) I asked Steve. He told me that "No, Tom isn't a regular member and doesn't have an established handicap". Naturally, I changed the "11" to a "0" and gave Tom a 37/37. Thankfully, Chris caught the error and Steve's shenanigans went for naught.

Jamie thought I deserved a nomination for being gullible enough to ask Markunas "of all people" for a truthful answer. I told him he may have a point, but seeing how I was in charge of taking the vote and final arbiter of the writeup, his nomination was dead in the water.

And the winner is... Steve Markunas, for being the sole dissenter in what would otherwise have been a unanimous vote in favor for rescinding Special Rule 5a (see news for same date) and righteously awarding Team Cooper/Hochstein the 11 points held in the balance. "A rule is a rule!," tried Steve, wanting us to believe his motives were pure and out of love for the rule of law - as opposed to self-interest and the consequential narrowing and precarious hold he has on first place.


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ASSHOLE OF THE DAY (August 2, 2012):
Dishonorable mention for Dave Lawless, who callously yelled "Settle!... Settle!" during the travels of opponent Dave Barnett's putt. This would normally be a good sportsman thing to say if the 30-foot putt was obviously way too speedy, but NOT when Alice get's the putt caught in her skirt and only gets halfway there.

Pictured: Tim and Blade post round. I apologize if I've worn this black and tan striped polo before.

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ASSHOLE OF THE DAY (August 16, 2012):
Chris CMONEY was nominated but as I understand it only by guys who never tried to organize a group activity with little or no help. It seems there were several unanswered questions involving all three Carlson League organizers, starting with: Where the Hell is Papa C's scorecard? It is not in the cart barn. It is not in the 2,000 or so cards Chris examined in various trash cans. It was in fact later found stuffed inside the manbag PapaC had passed off to Chris asking him to handle the meeting so Rick could go home early on his wife's birthday (as if that was going to make up for ditchin her for golf in the 1st place. what a guy). Is stuffin the scorecard in the manbag legal and/or reasonable as a way for a card captain to fulfill his duties?... hmmm gotta think about that one. Why is Papa C's card so hard to find anyway being kept on a Majestic generic card instead of a preprinted color one? Is it because jerry used an extra preprinted 2 weeks earlier when he was in charge or did PapaC miscount when he printed em off for the year???... hmmm. Why didn't PapaC check em before golf league like he rechecks everything? The answer to all of these questions in the collective opinions of the Carlsons is "Who cares yahoos!!!" Ha!... brings to mind an old saying (okay maybe I made it up but it brings it to mind anyway. THOSE WHO CAN, DO. THOSE WHO CAN'T, COMPLAIN.

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ASSHOLE OF THE DAY (August 23, 2012):
No assholes/there were some noteworthy nominations but nothing that struck everyone as follows:
Sub Jerry Carlson was nominated for placing his 56 ring gauge $10 cigar on the ground so close to his teed up ball as to cause his playing partners to wonder if it was actually going to be "involved in the shot". no one said anything as Jerry, who apparently believed it would not be involved, addressed and swung smoothly at the tee shot striking the cigar and jacking his drive at a 45 degree angle into the woods.

In my defense, and as I told the boys early in the round while I was lighting this torch up, I saw this cigar on Survivorman where Les Stroud called it a "Commanche Cigar". He made his with foot long cedar bark strips, wrapped and held together with twine - the purpose of which to transport burning embers from his fire from one camp to the next.

Bill Cape feigning nonchalance at having won the 5 hole and apparently enamored with the high stakes skin pot looked scornfully at the handful of dollar bills presented to him and rolled his eyes as if the $26 was not worth his effort.

Boob Baughman spoke up in favor of the absolutely hilarious vulgarity the likes of which he had never heard which emanated from the mouth of playing opponent sub Mel Terry whom Nessie had requested to sub for Rey for this very reason. when asked to clarify if Boob was nominating Mel for AOTD having told us of this during nominations, Boob looked horrified and exclaimed: Oh no. I just want him to get Kudos for having made everyone's round so disgustingly enjoyable.

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ASSHOLE OF THE DAY (August 30, 2012):
No assholes/there were some noteworthy nominations but nothing that struck everyone as follows: Larry Cooper nominated himself simply because he wanted a golf ball. when that nomination failed as lame I renominated him pointing out he was already receiving 3 golf balls for the year and had tried to defraud us with the original nomination. that went nowhere. Rey Farah was nominated by the last group out who brought in the greenie markers (all 4 of em) 4? WTF? You ask? It seems that Rey had slipped two extras into the mix each with his name on them hoping one might hold up in the confusion. Chris Carlson was nominated when paying off the weekly prize winners and finding the 5 hole winner Scott Cowan already departed and nonchalantly pocketing the money and retorting "Ill just pay him next week I guess". What next week this was it baby!!... but no the league was either unimpressed with the nominations as deserving of our reverered AOTD award or too busy getting their fair share of the $72 case of skin money beer (+ $7 tip Pic says)


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