2009 Assholes of the Day

Darren Bentley for "unforgivable Snapper sin" (8/13/9) 
"Born to be wild" (8/6/9) 
Chris Carlson for extreme gullibility (7/30/9) 
Bill Cape for behavior unbecoming of a Snapper (7/23/9) 
Numerous "breaches of golf etiquette" nominations (7/9/9) 
Wolf for "Selective availability in Jamie bet payoffs" (6/26/9) 
Cap'n Brad Dishonorable Mention (5/21/9) 
Timmy K for his Woody Hayes impersonation (5/20/9) 
Miscellaneous dishonorable mentions (5/11/9) 

ASSHOLE OF THE DAY:, August 13, 2009:
Honorable mentions to Markie Mark for trash talkin Bill on the birdie thing and to Darren Bentley for about 4 other infractions but the winner is: Darren Bentley for committing the unforgivable sin for Snappers, i.e., wastin beer! Adam had set his semi full beer can carefully on the fringe of the green well visible and well out of the way to attempt his putt. Before he could retrieve it Darren with putter held carefully between his thumb and forefinger, closing one eye as he had see Hansen do, backed up into and onto it with a horrible heel to aluminum crushing sound followed by a sickening glug glug glug sound.
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ASSHOLE OF THE DAY:, August 6, 2009:
We had a plethora of nominations which alas were fun but not quite good enough last week. Honorable mentions to: Bill "Born to be wild" Cape for cruising into the parking lot windows open radio blastin out Steppenwolf and timing his engine cutoff just right Wild!!!...; Dave Wolfenden for laying down greenside every hole as Fairchild & Hansen studied the curious green undulations they seemed to have forgotten have been there all year; for Jerry Carlson who upon winning a 5 hole bragged that he & former partner Glacial Greg had come in 2nd on the league in 1991 (ah memory lane); to Bill Cape for unintentionally dissing absent partner Dave Lawless by welcoming sub Jerry DaBlade with the following (Now I can finally have some fun!). Bill says he meant now that Jerry finally arrived but I don’t know Dave, ya had to be there.
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ASSHOLE OF THE DAY:, July 30, 2009:
Chris Carlson was apparently the unanimous winner for the week for extreme gullibility I am told exceeded that even his own mother who frequently looks bewilderingly at Timmy K over beers at the bar and asks with all sincerity,:"Really?" each time Timmy authoritatively states a bald faced lie as the gospel truth with a straight face. Chris apparently became quite flustered in nominating the entire foursome of Grosser, MaGuffee, Wolfenden & Markunas for each penciling their names onto the last greenie marker below his name instead of only the closest of them. Flabbergasted and discombobulated by the audacity of seeing all four names below his, Chris got caught up in the moment and focused on the apparent discourtesy of ignoring the 3 runner ups and inscribing the name of only the closest of them to have beaten him. He is said to have argued so logically and passionately that it was completely lost on him that #1 The last group in the 4some can control what is written on the final greenie marker and only they can, #2 that the par 3 in question was so long and difficult that nobody had actually reached the green before him and it was unlikely that any of the 4 behind him let alone all of them in fact reached said green and were closer than him, and #3 that Bob Maguffee, the apparent winner had never in his life hit a driver long enough to be closer than 30 yards from this monster 210 plus par 3, and #4 that the last thing dad had told him before leaving him in charge was: "You know son they are gonna F$#@ with you…be ready."

Honorable Mentions of course go out, in no particular order to Greg Groesser, Bob MaGuffee, Steve Markunas and Dave Wolfenden for riling Chris up who really needed the $14.
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ASSHOLE OF THE DAY:, July 23, 2009:
Bill Cape for behavior unbecoming of a Snapper.
Upon collecting, Paul wanted to show the Snappers his appreciation for their accumulative inability to push the skins pot again by buying a round of drinks. As the waitress went around of table shouts of "Hieneken", "Sam Adams" and the like were rattled off in rapid order. When she reached Bill Cape he politely waved her off saying, "I’m good". An awkward silence immediately fell over the table, followed by many emphatic reminders from fellow Snappers that "the best kind of beer is…. FREE BEER!" The only defense offered by "Pic-Pic" was that he was only trying to be polite, which of course was summarily dismissed by the Snappers.

Notable Nominations:
Jamie: When the beers arrived a toast of thanks was offered to Paul. As we raised our glasses we heard Jamie mumbling that he had chipped in too.

Naked Dave: for littering in the future putting lines of the group behind him with a massive amount of sunflower seed shells on virtually every green.

Steve "Hollywood": Towards the end of the round a storm was threatening to roll in. As our group was riding the boat over lightning could be seen flashing in the distance. Steve whipped out his phone and sent 3 text messages to Rick begging for him to cancel the week for what he called, "the safety of the league". I wonder if he would have sent those texts if he had won a bunch of points?
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ASSHOLE OF THE DAY:, July 9, 2009:
Once again we had no behavior so outlandish as to be determined by consensus of our after golf quorum to be worthy of bestowment of the AOTD dishonorarium. We did have numerous nominations mostly for obvious breaches of golf etiquette. For example: Greg Groesser was nominated for intentionally waiting for opponent Bill Cape to complete his standard waggles and commence his backswing on a significant putt on the second par 3 before announcing loudly: "Go ahead Bill, you go first". This was Bill’s first moment of appreciation that he was putting out of turn as he eagerly stood over his tee shot a mere 15 feet from the hole completely ignoring Greg’s obviously longer 25 footer. No malice was intended (by Bill) who simply was quite focused on completing his nudge up close and beg a gimme for his second par of the year. Greg on the other hand noticed the etiquette breach early and was alleged to have whispered to his partner (watch this) several seconds and numerous waggles before he actually made his declaration to Bill.

Jamie got a nomination for going ballistic verbally assaulting opponent Mark Hansen, who unlike himself was having a rather good round, when late in the round after golfing our home course for the second year in a row, Mark still walked (according to Jamie) 3 consecutive 360’s around the green confirming the slope and speed, wind resistance and barometric pressure before determining how hard to strike his putt. Witness Terry Fairchild described how aggressive Jamie had been in voicing his objection to the speed of play of the golfer who did well that evening.

Timmy K was nominated also for a verbal tirade and patented stomp around and club toss after screwing up a shot, but unlike Jamie, the focus of TK’s verbal abuse was himself as he opined every manner of self directed self deprecating racist slurr and questioning of his intelligence with the words "Dumb F@#&ing Pollock" being the most frequently espoused suggestion Timmy had for himself;

Dave Wolfenden, get this of all people, expressed his displeasure on the number one tee box with various Snappers talking to his partner sub Bob Maguffee at address, by loudly exclaiming "SHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! Are you kidding me? Shushed by Wolf? And Maguffee can take of himself as we know; he calmly lofted his drive during the chatter his standard 168 yards downfield into the fairway.

ALAS…entertaining as it was to hear of these incidents…No golf balls for you goof balls for this.
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ASSHOLE OF THE DAY:, June 26, 2009:
Dave Wolfenden for "Selective availability in Jamie bet payoffs". Last week, Dave left early without paying Jamie their weekly bet claiming later "I had to work 3rd shift". This week, although he also had to work 3rd shift again, he waited for Jamie before going to work for the payoff. The difference? Last week Dave shot 45 and the quorum voting believed he probably new he had lost the bet and this week he shot 40 and probably new he would be paid if he just waited for Jamie. Your motivation to stay or to go Wolf was unanimously determined by the league as suspect.

Honorable Mention:The following nominations were made and win honorable mention for AOTD:

Team Hansen/Fairchild for failing to volunteer the common sense approach the league took in the past to a Snapper hitting the wrong ball. Of course we do not penalize ourselves for this anymore than anything else.

Greg Groesser for stubbornly giving himself a 2 stroke penalty without telling his opponents in addition to accepting the errant shot of the wrong ball as his own after the opponents had specifically declined wanting that result.

Tim Kachelski for nonchalantly nicknaming Greg "2Stroke" and calling him such numerous times the remainder of the night.
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ASSHOLE OF THE DAY:, May 21, 2009:
Dishonorable Mention:
Who can forget Naked Dave’s infamous "Man Overboard" stunt getting him AOTD from 6/7/2007 (#6 on our all time Top Ten list)? We recall that it was Capt. Brad behind the wheel of the ole Majestic Pontoon Shuttle that fateful day, who when the midpond pickup of Nakes was completed shook his head and was heard to mumble something like "Kids" or "You Snappers" or some similar exclamation of his amazement that such a thing could happen on his watch. Well guess who went "Man Overboard" this year already??? That’s right: CAPT BRAD!!! While we can’t honor you with our revered AOTD (reserving it for league aholes and subs to maintain the integrity of the award) we can and do salute you Capt Brad with this dishonorable mention. Which of your weasly co-workers turned you in? I won’t say, but he does by request receive our weekly sheet each week and rumor has it he forgot to gas up the pontoon before shuttling golfers across the pond this week and had to paddle in. Perhaps the "I forgot to put gas in it" defense was a cover-up of financial difficulties the Majestic may be suffering in this obamanation economy we have, whose to say? Maybe gas is being rationed and all employees are expected to feel the pain and pitch in to do what they can?? Don’t know if this is true and don’t want to start any rumors but I noticed that our club pro Steve Tanner who last year was broadcasting golf tips live on the radio from the clubhouse deck this year is manning the beer cart. I got a picture and awarded Steve and new employee Kaitlan jointly our 1st 2009 Majestic Beer Babes of the Week" award. Beer Babes of the Week! First winners 2009! By the way Steve says he was just training Kaitlan but that don’t explain him shakin the tip jar after each purchase.
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ASSHOLE OF THE DAY:, May 20, 2009:
Little Timmy K for his impersonation of either a tired 2 year old or Woody Hayes on the sideline at the end of his career. Timmy wins for his temper tantrum during a bit of a rough night on the back 9 of the Majestic Links. It was hole #17 and TK had just earned himself an "8" and not the first one for the card this night. Before anyone could use Naked Dave’s line: "Snowman…Oh man.." Little Timmy K took a full backswing with his putter and drove the offensive ball which had just failed him again, about 150 yards from the beautiful green surface where it had come to rest after his 3rd attempt to hole it still some 3 ½ feet or so from the cup. Timmy who prides himself on minimal gimme putts for him or anyone else and is often heard to say "nobody ever gives me a gimme on my drive and lets me throw it out there in the middle, was furious when his opponent Snapper said: "It’s good….Really Tim pick it up…. Pick it up Tim we’ve seen enough". Perhaps due to his innate golfing skill and prowess otherwise nowhere to be seen that round, or more likely from the peculiar lie of his 30 year old putter which never quite sits flat on the ground at address with its toe pointed 45 degrees skyward towards the moon as if it were a forged with a perennial "hard on", miraculously no damage was suffered upon the green surface. But that’s not the point. Timmy, as Groesser pointed out in reporting the activity: "It could have left a helluva gouge". Timmy’s defense that he had never previously had a temper tantrum on the course was quickly put to rest by Jamie, who reminded TK of a similar episode a couple weeks ago when some of us (Nakes, CMoney, Snap, TK, Jamie & Paul) were north for the weekend. Jamie reported that TK stormed around the green after 3 puttin his little arms and legs a flailing causing Jamie a hernia as he stifled back laughter as he could not get the midget/dwarf reality tv show "Little People Big World" out of his head. "I didn’t wanna laugh out loud…I felt sorry for the guy" Jamie explained. The rest of the league then quickly agreed they had noticed Jamie was the most sensitive Snapper to others feelings we have known for a long time. Ha! Go Snappers!
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ASSHOLE OF THE DAY:, May 11, 2009:
No award was given for the first week but it was not due to everyone being on their best behavior.

1. An unnamed snapper was reported by his partner to have encountered a King Cobra Driver head cover lying in the middle of the wooden bridge cartpath obviously from its location having dropped out mere moments before from the cart directly ahead of them on the next hole. The Snapper over whom we disclaim responsibility as we have no control over him picked it up and claimed it as his own since he has a King Cobra Driver but no head cover for it. Sapper himself offered a dubious defense to the nomination insisting we ought not further reward this blatant thievery by honoring the thief and giving him a golf ball to boot.
2. Timmy Kachelski apparently attempting to solve the problem by shaming the culprit into turning in the golf equipment which did not belong to him so that it would be there when the guy who lost it checked on it, leaned in the open window to the pro shop and reported the find and the guy who found it. Snapper suggested that this might be worthy of an AOTD nomination and Jamie Leece put an end to discussion by asking not so phoseciously: "Oh why, for his doing the right thing?"

Honorable mention is given to Snapper who after having prepared the best he could for opening night without brother Jerry (missed already) had a new full season 18 week 8 team round robin schedule prepared with 3 position rounds, printed up to hand out to everyone with the schedule (by team number v team number) on top and the team numbers and players on the bottom of the handout, had then prepared the scorecards wrong and not following his own schedule. Team 3 was to play team 8 and team 4 was to play team 7, or visee versee or something like that and actually 3 and 4 played each others opponents according to the cards. But no worries, Snapper was working feverishly at the post golf session trying to create a new round robin full season schedule that worked moving this match to this other week and visee versee….Snapper was stopped in his tracks when Greg Groesser (a high tech problem solver by trade) asked: why don’t you simply renumber two teams and leave the schedule alone????? Hmmm so simple and of course the rest of the league immediately jumped in and said that was what they were thinkin and I was apparently the only one to have missed the easy solution.
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