2008 Assholes of the Day

Blevins exhibits Dyslexic Telephonophobia (8/21/8) 
Hollywood and Wolf team win for over-anxiousness (8/7/8) 
The Assassin falls for the exploding ball trick (7/31/8) 
Dishonorable Mentions (7/17/8) 
Dishonorable Mentions (7/10/8) 
Dishonorable Mentions (6/26/8) 
Dishonorable Mentions (6/19/8) 
Dishonorable Mentions (6/12/8) 
Steve "Hollywood" Markunas (6/5/08)  "for dressing like a Ken Doll"
Tim Kachelski (5/29/08)  "Little Timmy K offers an "oral""
Nekkid' Dave (5/21/08)  "solicitation and receipt of never before offered Majestic Valet Relay"

Snapper bites (August 21, 2008):
WOW "IT’S A WRAP!" THIS WEEK IS POSITION ROUND & the final league week of the season. I could wait to announce this but it would be anticlimactic: "CONGRATUALATIONS TEAM # 9, JAMIE LEECE & PAUL THROESCH, 2008 SNAPPER LEAGUE CHAMPIONS!" They are more than 22 points ahead of two years in a row league champs COWAN & PELTIER. Watch out for Scott & Steve trying to work out a little deal with 3rd place wannabies who might come up with the most beer; If I know these guys they might be listening to offers.

AOTD: Mark Blevins nominated in absencia by his partner Timmy K for Dyslexic Telephonophobia. Timmy received a telephone call on his cell phone this week from an unknown female who politely and professionally inquired when TK picked up and said: "Yeah who is this and whaddahyawant???" "Will you hold for Mr. Blevins please?" When Markie Mark came on line to a waiting Timmy on the telephone conference arranged by one of Mark’s secretaries, he immediately recognized that he would be accused of too much pomp and self importance to dial a friend and golf partner’s number himself and attempted to dissuade the criticism before it came by exclaiming "It’s not how it looks Timmy, I got your number from Rick and must of wrote it down wrong or dialed it wrong, I don’t know which but I called the same poor little Korean girl three times and was to embarrassed to do it again in case I got her instead of you". Rick confirmed that Mark had personally called him without the help or assistance of a secretary asking for TK’s cell number again (for the 4th time this year after the preprinted call list was passed out to every member of the league). A few minutes later however Mark’s secretary called back asking for the number again because Mark needed help writing it down, and then apparently, needed help dialing it as well. Neither Rick nor Timmy had knowledge of which end of the phone Mark had to his ear during these calls but it is expected that one of his other secretaries probably just punched the speaker phone button for him when the first secretary had Timmy on the line.

When next we meet we will be at Davison CC located on M-15 and Lippincott, CC Sunday September 7, 2008 @ 10 am start, lunch at the turn and steak dinner to follow for our annual league season closing prepaid scramble. Yes it is prepaid from your dues but there will be a little side gambling going on so bring $20 with you for that in addition to your beer money. Everybody try to be there 20-30 minutes early to get your carts and scorecard and team members.

Teams are preselected to be as fair as possible so do not send a sub in your place if something comes up preventing you from coming without calling us in advance. It’s been a helluva fun year again.
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Snapper bites ASSHOLE OF THE DAY (August 7, 2008):
ASSHOLE OF THE DAY: Steve Markunas & Dave Wolfenden jointly won the award this week, Steve for leaving his car running the entire round with his keys locked inside then accepting the spare set from his wife Paula shortly after the round who we are told not so happily drove them out, slowed but did not stop in the parking lot and tossed them to him.When this shameful waste of gasoline during an energy crisis was called to his attention, Steve pointed out that his tires were properly inflated so he was good according to Obama. Wolf, apparently tiring of teeing off last since the last time he was caught "tee jumping" was witnessed to have arrived early and had arranged for opponents Cape & Lawless to also arrive early so they could legally get off early was noticeably chagrinned to find Steve arriving late. Dave tracked his progress via cell phone announcing "he’s in Brighton"…"he’s getting off the freeway" …"he’s on the dirt road, let’s go" ran from the table ignoring the greenie stakes sitting in front of him, skidded to a stop in front of Steve’s car, picked Steve up in the parking lot, tossed his clubs in the cart and Steve says slammed his car door with the engine running and keys inside. Wolf admits all but the last and the vote was for a team AOTD.

Honorable Mention goes out to Terry Fairchild who upon hearing the nomination [post round admitted that his car keys were in the cart on the other side of Lake Walden. Honorable Mention to Bill Cape who very nearly accepted a "Pic Pic" offer from Wolf putting 8 feet for birdie when Bill had a 10 footer for a max out double par plus one, until partner Dave Lawless made Bill understand, Bill your putt is good no matter what. That being said Bill drained it for a natural 11. Honorable Mention to Jamie Leece, envious of the attention Snapper had garnered the week before with his (lavender, lilac, powder purple shirt) came in with one bad ass shirt some called "Pepto Bismal" and others called "Frigid Pink". He was applauded by the "yellow shirt brigade" this week comprised of Jerry, Shang, Cmoney and Bill. Definitely an attention getter Jamie!.
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Snapper bites ASSHOLE OF THE DAY (July 31, 2008):
We broke the 8 week drought in AOTD awards. The last time prior to last week a league member had accomplished something assholish enough to win this coveted Snapper League award was 6/5/2008 when Steve Markunas dressed like a Ken Doll and was called on it by a Majestic Beer Babe. And what did it take this time? Nothing less than the old exploding ball trick. Cudos to dave Wolfenden and Steve Markunas for pulling this out of the archives. We have not tried it in several years. Mark "The Assasin" Blevins fell for it this time. The real trick to pulling this off is not in the planning but the execution. How do you replace the real ball with the powder ball after the Snapper has teed it up but before he strikes it without him noticing??? Most Snappers are naturally and rightfully suspicious of each other and on the lookout for any manner of shenanigans on the first tee. Mark was selected as the victim I am told due to the fact that he is a just plain nice guy with a somewhat limited attention span. All it took to get him away from his ball was for Wolf to casually invite him to walk over 8 feet or so with his back turned to his ball: "Hey Mark…come here a minute would you…I need to tell you something?" Most of the rest of us would get the radar up, refuse, yell "Fuck Off" or simply glare and ignore. But Mark of course, as we knew he would dutifully and immediately came over and sincerely and quietly asked : " Yes, what can I do for you?". "Awe never mind" replied Wolf, "It’s nothing". The next part of the trick after replacing the actual ball with the make believe ball is to cause the victim to remain oblivious, not an easy thing to do by the mere appearance of the make believe ball which is composed of powder, bright white powder, with no markings. Most Snappers have never seen a bright white ball even with markings as we routinely simply play what we find in the weeds or in the woods, scuffed up, brownish and weathered "this one’s not too bad" balls. But Mark did not notice, concentrated, waggled and "POOF" a cloud of disintegrated dust surrounded him. No one else at the tee was oblivious, just Mark. No sooner had the event been completed and 19 guys shouted: "Great drive, You powdered it MarK" (Snapper), "Mark, "Absolutely dusted it Mark" (Shang), "You got all of it!" (Pic Pic). Clearly in shock and not realizing what had occurred for 15-20 seconds Mark walked away speechless before mumbling "I had no idea". Several holes later, apparently understanding he was in the forefront for an AOTD he told Timmy K "I was just playin along, I knew it the whole time" Ah right Mark, that cemented the vote for you.

HONORABLE MENTION AOTD: Timmy Kachelski for Grossly Illogical thinking (even for him). As we all know the Carlson boys added a new weekly gambling game for the enjoyment of the league "the 5 hole". Whosoever shoots the best low net (actual less handicap) on the 5th hole each week (with 5th hole ties played off hole by hole) wins $18. Timmy K reported immediately upon turning in the card that his partner Mark Blevins shot a birdie "3" on the fifth hole and with 19 handicap and the 5th hole this week being the #1 handicap hole got 3 strokes for a net "0" on the hole. Now people, Snapper, DaBlade, C Money sometimes with the help of Shang or Jamie or Wolf, and others studiously check and double check each and every score before awarding money just to make sure no score gets overlooked when it should be cut and carried over….usually. Forgive us but this time it seemed a clear waste of time and we did not check to see if anyone else had matched our highest handicapper’s net "0". When passing out the money, Timmy K, never know to be as good at logic as at mathematics, inquired" So did you check the cards, did anyone cut him, are you sure???""

HONORABLE MENTION AOTD: Rick Carlson for fashion faux pas. Donning a Lilac colored shirt (described by others as purple, light fusia, etc etc Snapper explained that he changed shirts earlier when Chris came home from Kzoo with an identical yellow soccer team shirt they both owned and asked him to. But you chose that one????

HONORABLE MENTION AOTD: Dave Lawless scored a near miss nomination from his partner when he noticed preround that the previous week sub’s score had erroneously been logged in for him thereby raising his average and handicap by 1 stroke. More concerned with a lower average than a higher handicap is a phenomenon unknown to his partner Pic Pic who groaned WE BETTER NOT LOSE POINTS BECAUSE OF THIS (they didn’t)

CUDOS: Timmy K broke the logjam at season low net carding a 38 actual low net "30" way to go. Dave Wolfenden so far is the Par King with 54 of the buggers for the season….Steve Shang Peltier is the Birdie King with 7 of em and Peltier & Metzger each have an eagle for the season, shall we call them King & Queen of the eagles?? Sub Greg Groesser who played more free golf rounds last year as a sub then dues paying league member Naked Dave Mitteer is doing it again. This year he has been here 8 of 13 rounds to Chris CMoney’s 7 paid rounds. (Kids…money means nothing too them) If we count Greg Groesser’s appearance last week we had perfect attendance Snappers…way to go.
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AOTD: 7/17/08 This didn't win?
Honorable Mention: Many of the Snappers frequently stop on the way home after golf to wash down the dust of the hard fought league match at Buffalo Wild Wings in Fenton. Last week was no exception. The exceptionally large quantity of colorful draft beer tap choices hardly ever confuses the experienced Snappers as they all boldly announce their beverage of choice always requested in the 22 oz glass; "BASS ALE"…"Boddingtons, please"…."Think I’ll have the Wheat tonight"…."How bout a Guinness Stout?"…."Make mine a Heinie of course" are shouted out by the guys. Not sure how the subject came up in guy talk, but Naked Dave openly admitted that he had never had nor heard of (well ok he said he heard of it…but not the drink…or rather he had one but not the drink or whatever.. "I’ve never had a blow job" is what he said. Never one to shirk from a dare or challenge and always willing to try new things, Nakes proudly told the poor young 20 ish waitress (somebody’s daughter I assume) "I’ve never had a blow job, can you give me one please?" Before the manager was called over we all explained that he wanted the alcoholic beverage by that name. drinkmixer.com after describing the drink as ¾ oz of Baileys and ¾ oz of Kahlua topped with whipped cream was the mix gave the following caution which the guys neglected to mention to Dave and he somehow could not figure out himself:

CONGRATULATIONS to "ERIKA" voted the Majestic Beer Babe of the Week by a quorum of inebriated Snappers left on the deck when she attempted to unsuccessfully pass them enroute to the clubhouse. She posed for a picture with four of our best which will be displayed on the webpage in her honor. The selection of Erika was not without controversy as our favorite sassy don’t take no guff from nobody Majestic Beer Babe "Lori Lynn" pretended to pout hurtfully over being passed over again. "But Lori Lynn, you know you are our favorite and could win every week if we let you, we just want to give the other girls a chance!" comforted Snapper attempting to flatter and appease her. But Lori Lynn had none of it. Would you expect her to? She retorted "I have only won one time. THIS IS BULLSHIT!!!!"…….. You go girl.

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AOTD: 7/10/08 â€" N/A None deserving and to maintain the integrity of the award none awarded.
Honorable Mention: Bill Cape nominated by his partner Dave Lawless as "Condom Man" impersonation for donning a perfectly horrible looking see through clear plastic light weight garbage bag with arm holes punched through when it sprinkled for 30 seconds on the 2nd hole of play. While wearing same may well have been assholish, the Snappers saw through the nomination as a weak setup ploy designed to attempt to win a golfball and politely declined to so honor the man.

Also nominated by telephone proxy from absent Dave Wolfenden thru his partner Ken Hollywood was apparently the league computer for spitting out a season ending schedule sticking Wolf & Markunas last off the tee each night hereafter. Snapper & DaBlade simply shrugged it off as some kind of glitch for why on earth would anyone choose to do that to those two for whom the schedule has never meant anything in the history of the league anyway??? Since inanimate objects such as computers cannot win the award, the motion died.

With 10 weeks into the season and 4 gambling games per night ( 2 greenies, team skins & 5 hole) for the weekly $7/team contribution, this calculates to 40 total pieces of the gambling pie up for grabs so far. My calculator further notes that 40 pieces of the pie divided by 20 players means that each one of us should by now have won and recovered precisely 2 pieces of the pie each. Have you got yours?? How does it taste??? Look at the sheet people. Counting the team skin piece as a ".5 share for each team member" it appears that non league members (subs for Christ sake) have scooted in and out with 10.5 pieces of the pie. That’s over 25% of the pie!..Our pie! Of the remaining 75% of the pie,(29.5 pieces) divided by 20 league members, you should each by now have eaten almost 1.5 pieces each (1.475 to be exact). But you haven’t have you? Instead fully 56% of the pie (16.5 pieces out of 29.5) have been won and eaten by only 4 league members:

Jamie Leece â€" 5.5 Dave Wolfenden â€" 4.5 Steve Markunas â€" 3.5 Rick Carlson â€" 3


Also, with Mark Hansen now joining the mix with a nice low net 31 for the week and the season we now have 5 count em 5 people tied for season low net at that score. Anybody got a 30 in ya so I don’t break the bank at year’s end passing out golf balls to the 31s?????

CMONEY UPDATE: The cast came off the healing fractured paw 7/13/2008. Don’t know yet whether the 300 yard drives, confident approach shots and straight and true putts he left behind 5 weeks ago will be anywhere to be found anytime soon but he is rumored to attempt a comeback next week (7/24/2008).


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AOTD: 6/26/08 AOTD: 6/26/08 â€" N/A None deserving and to maintain the integrity of the award none awarded.
Honorable Mention: Terry Fairchild, one the first to arrive at the course, strapped his bag into the clubhouse to boat launch shuttle and then disappeared. He claims he only went inside for a second to get some beer. Since beer was involved the Snappers were sympathetic to the excuse and chose not to award him the AOTD especially in light of the fact that the clubs went to the boat dock without him and thereby inconvenienced him to figure out what the hell happened.

DaBlade Family Vacation to Wallyworld (Disneyworld) Update: Most of you know from following the website and/or from rumor and innuendo (no Timmy K the previous word likely unknown to you is not an Italian Gay Wise Guy threat) the DaBlade family was surprised on their third night in an upscale Disney Property Resort Hotel Room by an army of bedbugs which ravaged his wife and children with multiple bites before being discovered around 1:00am. Disney staff sent an exterminator who confirmed the problem and called for the commencement of a "Navy Seals Type" evacuation of the family via golf carts to a safe room on the other side of the resort sans any and all possessions. Dablade was responsible for inspecting the new premises for microscopic critters to ensure the family’s safety while Mrs. Tina daBlade was in charge of selecting family clothing she found sufficient from the hotel lobby gift shop which was opened to her in the middle of the night along with a store charge on Disney and the following limitation clearly expressed to her: "Take anything you need, on us". Upon her return DaBlade waited his turn patiently at the end of the line while she proudly displayed and distributed to the children first and then to herself a fabulous array of multicolored tee shirts and shorts with Mickey & Minney & Donald & Pluto, etc, emblazoned upon each piece. The final 2 items coming out of the bag were a Mickey Mouse Teeshirt and a pair of Blaze Red boxer shorts size extra small with a picture of Goofy on each cheek which she tossed to DaBlade. By 3:00 am he had managed to squeeze into them and settled down for whatever sleep might be possible with the remaining hours before daylight. At 9:00 am DaBlade realized a dilemma. Their room was now at the far end of the resort approximately a 20 minute 3/4mile brisk walk to the Hotel Lobby gift shop which was the closest place he imagined he might find something else to wear that day. Admitting to me as he later related the story in more detail then space allows herein that he was thoroughly humiliated yet determined he made the walk head held high as if he were a European and this is how they dressed and making no direct eye contact zigzagged quickly through the parade of families going hither and yon on their Disney adventures. He ignored the occasional gasps of mothers as they covered their children’s eyes against the tee shirt and boxer clad crazy man. He walked straight through the hotel lobby into the gift shop to the cutoff short rack and slipped a pair his size on over Goofy walked to the counter and explained who he was, what had happened and further that the young cashier could get the damn tea cup saucer size anti theft device attached to the inside and outside of the shorts he was now wearing any way she wanted other than his taking them off again which he would not do. Upon completing the story to me, I looked at him and said :" so let me get this straight, you are telling me this because it was extremely embarrassing and you did not wish to post it on the website so the guys could hear about it….But you are telling ME?????... Sorry bro too good a story to keep to myself."
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AOTD: 6/19/08 â€" N/A None deserving and to maintain the integrity of the award none awarded.

Dishonorable Mention: Bad Chad P sub selected by Naked Dave for Chris was said to have into group ahead multiple occasions without announcing "Fore".

Chris "CMoney a/k/a Lil Snapper Carlson update. Friday 6/20 closed reduction of boxer’s fracture was a success (so far) and the wed 6/25 open reduction and pin surgery was cancelled. Chris explained that the closed reduction (2nd attempt) involved the doctor applying local anesthetic Chris described as about as effective as vicks vapo rub, then manually manipulating the bone back into place as if his hand were silly putty and more properly described as "PURE TORTURE!!!!" but alas … if the bone fragments do not move again, and healing begins, golf is somewhere in his future this season.

Once again for anyone not paying attention (Timmy K) do not show up next week on 7/3 as league has been cancelled for Carlson holiday plans.

6/26/2008 Position Round Matchups & Tee schedule:

1st: Teams 6 (104 pts) v 10 (101pts)
2nd: Teams 9 (100 pts) v 3 (97 pts)
3rd: Teams 7 (95 pts) v 2 (79 pts)
4th: Teams 4 (74 pts) v 8 (73 pts)
5th: Teams 5 (71 pts) v 1 (70 pts)
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Snapper bites
June 19, 2008

AOTD: 6/12/08 â€" N/A None deserving and to maintain the integrity of the award none awarded.

Dishonorable Mention: Our very own constant and continuous tee jumpers Steve Markunas and Dave Wolfenden, scheduled to tee off last in fact went first again. Micha Fulgham (scheduled first) quietly and politely complained to Snapper (as only a gentlemanly Fulgham can) that they arrived at the tee just before the rascals teed off, announced their presence prior to the first quickly struck tee ball being hit and then simply watched and waited for the next open spot one tee time later than scheduled as did each and every other snapper team. Snapper’s polite inquiry after the match without Micha present was met with belligerent insistence that they won the race to the tee. Dave Lawless supported the rascals indicating that he saw Steve hit a ball before Micha appeared out of the tunnel, but admitted he heard no announcement from the man that they were ready. A show of hands requested by Snapper of how many Snappers had ever been accused of tee jumpin let alone facing so many accusations year after year, week after week and had a rule written on the matter specifically for them resulted in no hands raised but all heads turned towards Steve & Wolf. That was the end of the matter until next time of course.

Sympathies extended to Chris "CMoney" a/k/a "Lil Snapper" Carlson who let his anger get the best of him (sometimes said to be a result of his paternal heritage, "It’s a Carlson thing") took extreme umberage with the gender resultant verbal shenanigans of his girlfriend’s room mate and being desirous, but unwilling to actually punch her in the nose with all his might, but finding it necessary to in fact punch something, selected the nearest wall, and as luck and fate would have it, managed to find one of the wallboard studs said to be on 16 inch centers which one can never locate on the first 3 tries when interested in picture hanging. The Hand Surgeon calls it a "Boxer’s Fracture" of the 5th metatarsal just off the joint of the knuckle joining the hand to the pinky. 4 -6 weeks off in a plaster cast ought to do it. Uncle Jerry "DaBlade" Carlson from past personal experience eerily similar in nature confirms that to be about right. Hurry back Chris.
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Steve "Hollywood" Markunas for dressing like a Ken Doll
June 5, 2008

Chris nominated him explaining that he borrowed beer from Steve before beginning the round promising to "send some up the line to him later". True to his word Chris flagged down Majestic Beer Babe Laura and explained that he wished to pay for the beer and using Naked Dave’s previously established valet service, have the brewskies delivered to Steve ahead of him in another 4 some. Laura asked to whom the delivery should be made and Chris sais just ask for Hollywood, anyone will direct you. Not wishing to get it wrong (apparently having been duped by previous Snapper impersonations in such circumstances) Laura asked for a physical description. Chris said well he is he has well groomed short blond hair, a white polo and probably shorts about up to where you wear yours. Laura exclaimed: "Oh I know who it is…the guy who dresses like a Ken Doll, right?" Rolling with laughter Naked Dave assisted by confirming the description as correct: "That’s him Beer Babe". Steve’s defense later was: "But I didn’t do anything… don’t you have to do something to win AOTD?" Snapper quickly reminded him that he had done something, he had dressed himself like a Ken Doll unless he wanted to explain that Paula dressed him in the morning and we would talk more about it. He didn’t.

Honorable Mention: Jamie Leece, Paul Throesch, Terry Fairchild and Mark Hanson, who took advantage of the Majestic policy of post league golf til you puke for $5 without first adequately ensuring their scorecard found its way in to the deck, which it never did.

Also honorable mention to Chad Ellis for unsuccessfully attempting to sell his warm post league leftover beers to the beer babe.

Congratulations to new Majestic employee Rachel for being unanimously voted Majestic Beer Babe of the week and then graciously and enthusiastically posing for a photo with the old cigar smelly Snapper cheek to cheek.

Ken and Barbie:
Ken and Barbie
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Little Timmy K offers an "oral"
May 29, 2008

C-Money reporting

Hello Sportsfans,
Welcome to the first edition of online AOTD voting for 2008! Because a quorum was not able to be reached post-round last week due to many Snappers having to run to other parts of the State, and due to the fact that there are worthy nominations for the prestigious award, it has become necessary for an online vote. The following are in no particular order, so let the most assholish amongst us win.

1)Naked Dave for excessively and relentlessly staking his claim on his golf balls. Dave spent a majority of his round not lining up putts, hitting the ball, or drinking his soda pops but in the woods looking for his balls or other peoples balls that they foolishly abandoned a mere 25 feet into the thick woods. Then upon being done with the round and preparing to board the ferry across the lake, announced to me that he still had one ball left. Right as he said this, the ball slipped through his fingers, bounced once on the dock, and fell just out of reach into the water. He then spent five minutes trying to retrieve it as the dock workers watched.

2)Steve (Terry’s friend/sub) - Steve, forevermore to be know as Steve the Pirate for well exhibiting the qualities of a pirate golfer. Steve is a very good golfer and more importantly fits in well with this ragtag band of hackers we call the Snappers. On the second hole, par 5, Steve pounded his drive center cut and was left with 240 yards. When he asked Terry for the yardage Terry replied that it was all that he could handle. Steve laced another terrific shot that bounced onto the front of the green and rolled through the 4 Snappers on the green desperately trying to jockey their putts for pic-pic range, reminiscent of a pirate shooting a cannon ball across the bow of an enemy ship. The second display of pirate tendencies came a few holes later when he found his ball between Neckeds ball and the hole, he searched his pockets and found no coins, so he picked up his ball and using a tee, marked the spot with an X and counted the paces as he left Dave’s line (that's right, an 'X'. Just like a treasure map) Arrrrgghhh!

3)Timmy K for throwing a temper tantrum when it had been decided that this weeks AOTD would in fact be an online vote. Timmy’s face reddened, his arms flailed about and his voice became higher pitched and louder as pleaded that an online vote was not fair to those without computers. Dablade then explained to Tim that he could go to the library to use the internet, and that he would even draw him a map in the case that Tim did not know how to get there. Timmy still distraught by all the new information stated, "but the library is so big how will I know where to find it?" Bill spoke up and told him to ask the lady with the thick soled shoes, she would be happy to help. After putting our heads together we came to the conclusion he was the only one without a computer, he conceded and said, "Well could I give you an oral." I politely declined his offer.

EDITOR'S NOTE:The online voting for last week's AOTD is to be considered merely your suggestion, and is in no way meant to set a precedent by writing new Snapper law (that is Snap Daddy's job). (it is also not known at this time if Timmy K has tabled his offer or if it is still open for takers). I will move that these nominations be given consideration after this week's round, provided they don't prematurely scatter to the four corners again. What's the hurry fellas? Gotta pick up a gallon of milk for the 'ol lady?

WINNER - Little Timmy K for offering to give Chris an oral (which was immediately declined) when Chris explained the online poll for the weekly AOTD.
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Nekkid' Dave wins 1st 2008 AOTD
May 21, 2008

A.O.T.D. DAVE MITTEER for solicitation and receipt of never before offered Majestic Valet Relay (Shuttle Cart to Pontoon Boat to Ranger Cart to course location of thirsty golfer) Service. Dave likely would have won the award for the first part of this saga, although it would have been retitled. Having arrived at the course early on 10th hole starting week, and realizing that he had an entire clubhouse to boat dock shuttle bus ride, then a pontoon boat ride across the lake followed by however long it would take the beer cart babes of the Majestic to find him and inquire in their oh so sexy beer cart babe voices: "can I get anything for you Nakes?", Dave decided that discretion and just plain good sense planning required that he purchase a sufficient quantity of the old barley/hops/malt beverages for sale in the clubhouse as might realistically get him to the point in the future when he could be in that position to make such a purchase again as described above. So Dave buys a six pack to go and has the little suckers placed inside the portable six pack coolers with ice, slings it over his shoulder and proceeds to load clubs, bag, self and six pack cooler aboard the clubhouse to boat dock shuttle. Upon arrival at the ole boatdock, off gets Dave and clubs and bag but not the six pack cooler. Chagrined for only a few moments as he explains the problem to unsympathetic Snappers at # 10 tee, Dave pulls out the cell phone, calls the clubhouse and explains the predicament, requests that they do something about it and fast and a few minutes later, the clubhouse attendant tracks down the shuttle driver who locates the brewskies, shuttles them to the boat dock, hand them off to the pontoon boat driver as if they were a 1000 meter track and field relay baton, who in turn drives them across Lake Walden and passes them off to the Ranger/Starter Cart who proceeds to drive hole to hole until he locates Dave and repossess him of his lost/abandoned property. "Thanks Man, I owe you one" Dave exclaims before poppin a top and movin on with his round as if all of this is perfectly natural.

Honorable Mentions: Team Peltier and Cowan for intentionally misrepresenting the league rules to new member Jamie Leece who hits into the driving range from the #17 tee box, notices there are no white stakes and therefore under his interpretation of Snapper rules as anything goes, asks Cowan and Peltier about the possibility of no OB penalty. He claims they said no it is OB, They claim they said no such thing, Snapper before admitting later that it was playable if not white staked, first exclaimed "Nobody has ever done that before and I tell you my guys have hit the ball just about everywhere else on the course."

Honorable mention also to team Wolfenden/Markunas who were indeed scheduled off first and therefore with every right and obligation to get to the tee first this week (as they always do anyway) took the time to stop by and visit the league officials Snapper, DaBlade and CMoney long enough to pay the greenie money and the greenie markers but took off to play without their scorecard which was available from the same group as they full knew. We shuttled it up to them but unlike Naked Dave we used league members to do so, not Golf Course Employees.
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