Final sheet is posted
September 11, 2015 By: DaBlade

[Current Golf Sheet]*Most recently updated anyway.

[Scores YTD]*Re-live every miserable round result.

GO! GO! GO! GET OVER!
WK17 UPDATE: August 27, 2015 By: DaBlade (POSTED: September 1, 2015)

Weekly Cudos:

Low Actual:Tom Harrison '37'
Low Net: Tom Harrison '32'
Greenies: Matt Murany & Jerry Carlson
Team Skin: 2wk carry over push
5-Hole: Paul Oginsky

ASSHOLE OF THE DAY:, August 27, 2015:
Dishonorable mention to Jim Kuhla, for displaying an enthusiastic lack of confidence in his partner's tee shot "over the shit" on hole#26. According to opponents Cape and Lawless, Ken's mighty swing launched his ball as if shot out of a cannon, and there was never a doubt his ball would not only make it over the shit, but whether he potentially was going to fly the green of this 301 yard par 4. That's why it was confusing to the lads when Ken's own partner immediately began to verbally coax Ken's ball to, "GO! GO! GO! GET OVER!"

One more week to go, and the battle for first is a rare "back-to-back" matchup between Team Cooper & Harrison and Team Leece & Green. Jamie and Herb will need to sweep all 22 points this final position round week just to earn a tie and a chance for a playoff. Since Jamie and Herb could only squeeze out 4 total points this past week, please don't bother running to the official Snapper rules regarding League championship tie breakers. First, there is no actual rule and is always subject to the whims of league president and founder, PapaSnap. Second, the only chance Larry & Tom will get swept next week is on the off chance they go to a Tiger's game, somehow get over-served at Comerica Park and end up stumbling and falling over the street curb after exiting the ball park , breaking their fall and quite possibly every bone in their right hand. But what are the odds?... And really, even then…

Speaking of broken bones, Steve Peltier blamed a bad shot on his knee replacement, and offered the following xray he claims is his and should explain the hitch in his get-along.

GO SNAPPERS!!!!

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YEAR END OUTING SET: SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 13, 2015 (as every year… almost…the 1st Sunday after Labor Day) this year a modified shot-gun start at 9:00am at Timber Ridge Golf Club, 16339 Park Lake Rd, East Lansing, Mi. 48823
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TWO WEEK WARNING! - Time to make your move!
WK16 UPDATE: August 20, 2015 By: Snapper (POSTED: August 27, 2015)

Weekly Cudos:

Low Actual:Chris Carlson &Timmy Kachelski '41'
Low Net: Chris Carlson '34'
Greenies: Len Carrette & Dave Wolfenden
Team Skin: carry over push
5-Hole: Chris Carlson
Jamie's scratch skin game: Chris Carlson won it all 40 smakeroonies

ASSHOLE OF THE DAY:, August 20, 2015:
Sadly, no one distinguished themselves………Tommy Harrison was suspected of emptying screws and sharp objects from his pocket beneath opponents Don Savoie & Rick Carlson's golf cart flattening the rear drivers side tire but nothing could be proven.

Ok with two weeks left we have Cooper & Harrison as they promised long ago with a hefty lead and odds on favorites to win the league….still in it are Leece & Green…Wolf & Markunas and Carlson & Stanley have what you would call a "dumb & dumber" chance….. Last place finds Carlson & Savoie deservedly and firmly entrenched with Cape & Lawless trying to hold them off…..

Three unmarried men were waiting to tee off when the starter walked up to them and said, "You see that beautiful blonde practicing her putting?""Her? Wow, she is beautiful," they all said. "She's a good golfer," he continued, "and would like to hook up with a group. None of the other groups will play with a wom- an. Can she play with you? She won't hold you up, I promise." They looked at each other and said, "Sure! She can join us." Just as the starter said, the woman played well and kept up. Plus, they kept noticing, she was very attractive. When they reached the 18th hole, she said that if she sank her 18-footer, she'd break 80 for the first time. "Guys, I'm so excited about breaking 80 that I have to tell you something. I had a great time playing with you. I can tell you all really love golf. I want you to know that I'm single and want to marry a man who loves golf as much as I do. If one of you guys can read this putt correctly and I make it, I'll marry whichever of you was right!" All three jumped at the opportunity. The first one looked over the putt and said, "I see it breaking 10 inches left to right." The second looked it over from all sides and said, "No, I see it breaking eight inches right to left." The third man looked at the woman, looked at the ball, and said, "Pick it up. It's good!"

A golfer standing on a tee overlooking a river sees a couple of fishermen and says to his partner, "Look at those two idiots fishing in the rain."

A young man with a few hours to spare one afternoon figures that if he hurries and plays very fast, he can get in nine holes before he has to head home. As he is about to tee off, an old gentleman shuffles onto the tee and asks if he can join him. Although worried this will slow him up, the younger man says, "Of course." To his surprise, the old man plays quickly. He doesn't hit the ball very far, but it goes straight. Furthermore, the old man moves along without wasting any time. When they reach the ninth fairway, the young man is facing a tough shot. A large pine tree sits in front of his ball, directly between it and the green. After several minutes pondering how to hit the shot, the old man says, "You know, when I was your age, I'd hit the ball right over that tree." With the challenge before him, the young man swings hard, hits the ball, watches it fly into the branches, rattle around, and land with a thud a foot from where it had started. "Of course," says the old man, "when I was your age, that tree was only three feet tall."

An avid golfer found himself in Africa with time to play. He asked at his hotel for the nearest golf course, was put in a cab, and spent two hours being driven deeper and deeper into the jungle until he arrived at a course. He checked in with the pro and asked to rent some equipment and, since he'd never played the course before, for a caddie. In a few minutes, he was escorted to the first tee, where his caddie was waiting with a bagful of clubs under one arm and a rifle under the other. The golfer was taken aback, but composed himself and hit a good drive down the fairway of the opening hole, a tough par four. As they were walking to his ball, a tiger sprang out of the rough and charged the golfer. Without missing a beat, the caddie dropped the bag, aimed his rifle, and shot the animal dead. Again, the golfer had to compose himself, taking a minute to catch his breath. But he quickly recovered, hit a good approach, and parred the hole. The same thing happened on the second hole, a long, twisting par five. But this time it was a lion that bolted out of the jungle, charged the golfer, and was dropped by a single shot from the caddie's rifle. By now the golfer was visibly shaken, but the caddie looked unflappable -- and obviously was a good shot -- so they played on. The third hole was an easy par three surrounded by water. The golfer hit a good short iron, which landed near the cup. As he was walking onto the green, a crocodile slid out of the water and began moving toward him. Unfazed, the golfer looked to his caddie for help. But the caddie stood motionless. The crocodile moved closer, and the golfer, beginning to get upset, again glanced at the caddie, who didn't move. Finally, with the crocodile just inches away, the golfer screamed, "Aren't you going to do something?" The caddie looked at the scorecard and said, "I'm sorry, sir, but you don't get a shot on this hole."

Next week's pre-round contest - The Classic 3-Iron Tree Bend
WK15 UPDATE: August 13, 2015 By: Snapper (POSTED: August 18, 2015)

Leave it to a Snapper to set the stage for a classic AOTD:
- Tim Kachelski did it in 1989 quasi sincerely asking Snapper: So how can you tell it is a snapping turtle... and now
- Jamie Leece did it coyly inquiring of Tommie, "Is this how you threw the clubs?"

Weekly Cudos:

Low Actual:Dave Wolfenden &Larry Cooper '41'
Low Net: Rick Carlson & Steve Markunas '34'
Greenies: Len Carrette & Dave Wolfenden
Team Skin: a 2 week carry over Leece & Green
5-Hole: Chris Carlson
Jamie's scratch skin game: Wolf cleaned up

Speaking of cleaning up, ever wonder how your weekly games money is spent? Jamie & Herb have taken more of it home with them then anyone with 12 pieces of the pie each in 13 weeks with Chris Carlson a close second "hogging" 11 game wins for himself in the same time period. Let's talk birdies you say????? How 'bout that Lawless and Oginski, who each carded their 1st birds of the year. And the race is on... Who will be the next of the birdieless for the season to proudly mark that score down: Matt Murany????... Bill Cape?????... Ken Hochstein perhaps??????

ASSHOLE OF THE DAY:, August 13, 2015:
AND THE UNDISPUTED WINNER IS - by unanimous consent, TOMMY "the Helicopter" HARRISON! Mild mannered, never angry Tommy has been playing superbly for many weeks now. He is clearly the most improved league golfer this year. So much so that it seems he has actually forgotten what it is like to miss-hit the ball... forgot, that is, until the weekend prior to last week's league play. Tom is reported by several Snappers witnessing the fiasco to have thrown a major temper tantrum on the course during non league leisure play which counted for absolutely nothing. One witness saw him throwing chairs kicking golf carts and of course involving himself in the ole club flipping after a bad shot. When flipping his club failed to have the desired effect on his game he is said to have begun whipping his offending golf clubs much much further with the classic sidearm helicopter throw. So as muted whispers of the tantrum were passed between those who had seen it and those who had not, one Non Witness (Jamie Leece of course) decided to bait Tommy on the first tee by flipping his own club 5 feet or so endangering no one and inquiring as loudly as possible so that Tom could be embarrassed in front of as many people as possible: "So is this how you did it Tommy?" To which Tommy, a true golf instructed replied: " No, this is how I did it", and immediately replicating the sidearm helicopter flip he had by then perfected distance-wis... as the club sailed ever farther from Tommie's hand it seemed to climb and climb and accelerate rather than slow and tumble to the ground as Tommie apparently expected, for it travelled so far from him and the teebox that he knew well before "Splash Down" which involved an upright stuck in the muck effect with a mere 2 inches protruduing above the surface the mistake that he had made. The club was retrieved after shoes and socks and a laughing human chain was formed with poor Tommie at the end.

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YEAR END OUTING SET: SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 13, 2015 (as every year... almost. the 1st Sunday after Labor Day) this year a modified shot-gun start at 9:00am at Timber Ridge Golf Club, 16339 Park Lake Rd, East Lansing, Mi. 48823

Go Snappers!!

The 2015 Golf Sheet Sudoko Challenge is Over - WE HAVE A WINNA!
WK14 UPDATE: August 6, 2015 By: Snapper (POSTED: August 16, 2015)

Weekly Cudos:

Low Actual:Dave Wolfenden '37'
Low Net: Matt Murany '32'
Greenies: Chris Carlson and Herb Green
Team Skin: carry over
5-Hole: Ken Hochstein
Jamie's scratch skin game: Wolf and Herbie

ASSHOLE OF THE DAY:, August 6, 2015:
AND THE WINNER IS... by unanimous consent - JAMIE LEECE. Jamie perhaps had weakened his right foot (the one he uses to push down on golf cart accelerators) last week in stepping on his opponents neck and applying pressure with that EAGLE (nice job. HaHa Boob I could not help bringing it up again) - or perhaps Jamie, a natural left hander and apparently natural left footer needs to work on his ambidexterity (is that a word Mr. Lawless, my retired school teacher friend?) - or perhaps Majestic employee Kylie, aka, Mario Andretti incarnate, noticed by all post round squealin tires and crashing carts around the drop off area is simply a better driver than he.

The story goes that Jamie was unsuccessful in propelling his golf cart around the course at about hole # 2 give or take and required assistance.no problem - his opponent Chris Carlson carefully positioned his own golf cart behind Jamies and gave him a soft nudge and then a push for call it 3 more holes or so until help arrived. the pro shop had been telephoned and advised of the broken down and mechanically unfit golf cart that had been loaned to Jamie for use in the round - and there she was, Kylie with another employee and a fresh cart in tow to trade Jamie for the reported malfunctioning cart which required about 3,000 nudges from behind by CMoney at that point. after unhooking the fresh cart and unloading the allegedly defective cart... just before hooking same up to be towed back to the clubhouse for mechanical overhaul... Kylie sat on it... pumped the accelerator twice and looking incredulously at Jamie drove it under its own power all the way back. when asked to pose with Jamie later for a picture Kylie felt compelled to make a statement, "There wasn't a damn thing wrong with his cart!". So Jamie whatever the cause or reason. congratulations on being outdriven by a girl albeit a right footed one.

2015 SEASON GOLF SHEET SUDOKO CHALLENGE VICTOR... BUT ALL IS NOT LOST. Jamie with your AOTD and your EAGLE last week (got that Boob) you are the first Snapper this year to filling every available space on the golf sheet. tied for last place so far are Don Savoie, Bill Cape, Dave Lawless and Larry Cooper who between the four of them have not a single Eagle, Greenie, 5 hole, team skin, low actual, low net or AOTD award. I could choose to break the tie with birdies or lack thereof Coop, but I choose not to. Bahahaha!!

Congratulations to all Snappers for perfect attendance last week…for only the 5th time this year….ATTABOYS…. Oh and did I mention last week... JAMIE LEECE CARDS AN EAGLE!!!

YEAR END OUTING SET: SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 13, 2015 (as every year… almost…the 1st Sunday after Labor Day) this year a modified shot-gun start at 9:00am at Timber Ridge Golf Club, 16339 Park Lake Rd, East Lansing, Mi. 48823

Go Snappers!!

JAMIE LEECE CARDS AN EAGLE!!!
WK13 UPDATE: July 30, 2015 By: DaBlade (POSTED: August 1, 2015)

Weekly Cudos:

Low Actual:Ryan 'K' 37
Low Net: Jamie Leece, Herb Green, Ken Hochstein (& Bob Baughman,) '32'
Greenies: Steve Peltier and Tim Kachelski
Team Skin: Jamie Leece and Herb Green 3 week carry over $100!
5-Hole: Herbie
Jamie's scratch skin game: JAMIE SCORES AN EAGLE!!! on 15 and bird on 17 for the dough and the glory!!!

Yes, you read that correctly. Leece shot a '3' on the 15th hole par 5 for only the second EAGLE this year!! For perspective, only two other golfers managed to birdie this same hole for the night. Everybody else was par (or much worse).Bob Baughman, for example, shot a BOGIE '6' on this same hole, under the exact same conditions as Mr. Leece. That's not to single any one golfer out as having tried but failing miserably, but more to magnify just what a monumental achievement this was for Mr. Leece and the Snappers League. If I'm not mistaken, there wasn't a dry eye to be found in the post-round back-slapping celebrations for this EAGLE.

Congratulations Jamie, and may God Bless the Snappers Golf League!!!!

ASSHOLE OF THE DAY:, July 30, 2015:
Tim Kachelski for "failure to advocate for his own partner." (TK translation: to publicly recommend or support). After early, yet luke-warm support for a shotgun nomination of the League President, the administration , and even the webmaster regarding content of the sheet (or lack thereof) failed to get any momentum, focus and tide turned against the most vocal proponent of same. If Timmy K can make such an impassioned speech against league administration for failure to recognize some obscure achievemnet allegedly performed by his golf partner the prior week, then WHERE THE H#LL was he last week? Did Timmy K stand up and raise his beer and give a toast for his partner on the beer deck the prior week? No. Was there even a mention from Tim about his partner's unsubstantiated achievement? Not that anyone could remember. Like Wolf stated, "(If that was me) I would have stayed late and taken the next day off from work!" The implication being, that anyone else would have made it known to the league and thereby impossible to escape notice. For shame, Timmy K. You can't win AOTD for bad golf. But you sure can win for failure to point out your partner's good golf. One slightly used Ultra in your future.

UPDATE: Correction/update to last week's sheet. Timmmy K's partner may have allegedly performed an unsubstantiated achievement last week. Nice job, guy!

NOTE: The "Scores YTD" spreadsheet is updated (under the Sheet link in right column)

GO SNAPPERS!!!!!

AND WE HAVE A WINNER! BRAH IS ASSHOLE OF THE DAY!
WK12 UPDATE: July 23, 2015 By: Snapper (POSTED: July 25, 2015)

Weekly Cudos:

Low Actual:Jamie Leece & Tommie Harrison both shot 2 over par 38
Low Net: Bob Baughman "32"
Greenies: Dave Wolfenden continued his greenie run with one and Tommie Harrison took the other
Team Skin: carries over//….again…..
5-Hole: Jamie Leece (who says the 5 hole is only for lucky hacks?)
Jamie's scratch skin game: Tom & Jamie and belated kudos to last week's uncongratulated winners Coop & Scott..

Nice job guys…….

ASSHOLE OF THE DAY:, July 23, 2015:
ERIK "Brah" STANLEY wins for gross negligence to the point of recklessness with willful and wanton disregard for the life and safety of the wildlife. But first a word about the nickname. "Brah", as he is affectionately and endearingly referred to by most Snappers now, gained the nickname in similar fashion to many who attempt to avoid being nicknamed. Most of us know that if you want something to be the case (for example if you want that Snappers do not call you Brah) NEVER NEVER NEVER tell one of them and expect that your sensitive side and feelings will be respected on the matter. It was the first week of golf or thereabouts when Erik referred to his new partner, Chris, as "Dude". Something like this: "Hey Dude would you pass me a beer?" or, "I hear what you're saying Dude" - to which Chris immediately responded by calling Erik (who apparently sounded like a surfer wannabe) "Brah", maybe once. Maybe twice... who remembers?... It should have been all over then and there point taken. But Erik then looked Chris in the eye with a somber and earnest face and said "Please don't call me BRAH". So there ya have it…. he is now and always will be ERIK the BRAH - or just BRAH for short.

So anyway BRAH missed the discussion and nomination and vote wherein he was awarded AOTD because he chose (some say to avoid paying off his preleague Snake bet loss) to play on after league and not come in until everyone was hopefully gone. According to playing opponent Dave Wolfenden who was an eyewitness, BRAH was in the fairway after his tee shot with a fairway wood in hand when he noticed the most difficult to avoid seeing. A deer standing between his ball and the green in the fairway estimated to be 25-30 yards at most from his ball. BRAH proceeded to address and hit his ball directly into the underbelly of one of God's most precious creatures. The deer it is said may have fallen screaming in pain to the ground before half crawling to the woods on its knees... this last part was reported by eyewitness Steve with a half smirk on his face but without rebuttal it was accepted as fact.

A healthy discussion ensued. The nomination was for messing with the wildlife but it was determined that it was a ball in play and not an extra ball or a wagered ball as Snappers have done over the years (for example closest to the woodchuck chips for a buck or accosting snapping turtles with golf tees and equipment in their natural habitat) Since it was a ball in play a new defense was suggested... you cannot receive AOTD for playing golf badly. How different is this from an unnamed Snapper having struck a shot from the blue tees directly into the white tee marker some 20 yards forward?, someone queried. Well, other than the tee marker not being alive, it is different also in that the tee marker, unlike the deer, does not move. BUT IT REFUSED TO MOVE we are told. great efforts were made by BRAH to cause the deer to move and yet it refused... A majority of Snappers found this unconvincing and deciding that the deer could have been caused to move with a little more effort then BRAH politely requesting it a single time, and BRAH won AOTD this day for recklessness, willfulness and wantonness in the timing of the taking of the shot; it having been so determined not to be simply playing bad golf. CONGRATS BRAH!

GO SNAPPERS!!!!!

CUP CAKES & SCORECARDS??? (what is this about??)
WK11 UPDATE: July 16, 2015 By: Snapper (POSTED: July 22, 2015)

Weekly Cudos:

Low Actual:Tommy Tutone Harrison "38" woah...
Low Net: Rick Carlson "30"
Greenies: Dave Wolfenden bested everyone twice once on each par 3
Team Skin: Nobody... it's a carry over
5-Hole: Steve Markunas with a net 2 after a par on the #1 hdcp hole with 10 strokes
Jamie's scratch skin game: Jamie Leece took down Thirty Dolla No Holla

Nice job guys... AOTD?????...

ASSHOLE OF THE DAY:, July 16, 2015:
Well Little Timmy Kachelski tried to garner support for his nomination of Rick Carlson or Chris Carlson (whichever accidentally put the handicap strokes per hole in the line for Boobs hole by hole scores). Perhaps the nomination failed because everyone was afraid to support such nonsense or perhaps because the nominees both volunteer their time to the league whereas TK is only known to have volunteered something once in his lifetime to which (as a reported by a reliable source witness) the girl he volunteered to responded: "NOT IF YOU WERE THE LAST PENIS ON EARTH"….anyway…I digress…. during discussion of this nomination it was pointed out by TK's opponents Cape & Lawless that they volunteered an eraser to Tim to timely correct the card at the inception of the round and he refused choosing to safeguard his opportunity for a vitriolic (take that word and stuff in your truculent arse Lawless) and spittle laden nomination when he turned in his scorecard with Boobs scores written everywhere on the card. But Timmy was not himself nominated for this…Why? Because he had already won the daily AOTD for insulting Cape & Lawless by asking each of them after a shot to the left side (blind to him) if he was laying ok…and each of them in turn having seen the shot bounce softly and safely if somewhat errantly: Yes Tim your fine….only to have Tim refuse to accept their good faith answers and turning to partner Boob and inquiring: "did you see that?...am I safe?"

FINALLY A BIG FAT THANK YOU!!!!! To our very own Sara Lee Bakery employee Herb Green..at the conclusion of the round Herb put his clubs safely away in his car and extracted a cardboard box full of individual boxes of Sara Lee's new item - that is cupcakes, 8 to a box and began to... no, not to sell them to us, but yes to pass them out to league members for free. I ask you: "WHAT ARE THE BEST KIND OF CUP CAKES?"... that's right. FREE CUPCAKES! now this selfless act on Herb's part did not go unpunished while dumbfounded Snappers whispered: "What, did he embezzle 160 cupcakes from his employer?... and... "I bet they are stale or something else is wrong with them". No none of this was true, they were simply a promotional item for Sara Lee, and Herb thought not of himself but of us. when this became apparent to be the truth of the matter - some (not all Snappers) actually thanked Herb for his gifts, to which Herb was heard to reply over and over with a quiver in his voice and a tear in his eye (his right eye…I saw it)…..: "NO THANK YOU…THANK YOU GUYS…EVERYONE OF YOU…THANKS FOR BEIN MY FRIEND!!!!!!!!"

GO SNAPPERS!!!!!

WHO GOT A 33 NET two weeks ago besides Chris Carlson and was never duly honored?????
WK9 & 10 UPDATE: July 2 & 9, 2015 By: Snapper(POSTED: July 16, 2015)

Weekly Kudos: Congrats to Herb Green for a $20 greenie, the 5 hole winner for $30 and winner of a $17 scratch skin, all in one week. Who said golf is expensive?

Dave Wolfenden won the other greenie and team Carlson and Stanley won a 3 week carry over team skin which is the second time they have done that this year having effectively won 6 weeks worth of skins. Who said golf is expensive????

Jamie Leece put on a birdie show and won the other scratch skin worth $17….who said…..oh never mind…you get it….

Nice job guys…….AOTD?????there was none awarded again this week….I did nominate Chris Carlson and Jerry Carlson in absencia (however the Hell you spell that…think I'll ask TK) as while I much appreciate their help and assistance in running this league and making sure we had score sheets, scorecards, formula and baby food enough for you yahoos in my sick leave weeks I did notice…..ever so reluctantly I mention it….The Manbag was somewhat (actually no it was Quite…yes that's the word I am looking for Quite)…….in disarray…….I still cannot find everything and what I have found is out of place…….

Now also while I am "ragging" on my brutha Jerry (who I might add does a fabulous…..yes that's the word I am looking for FABULOUS) job week in week out with score sheets and websites and such….. I would wish at this time to note that it was Jerry not me who awarded the weekly golf ball winners upon perusing the stats on the scorecards and congratulated Chris Carlson on achieving the enviable task of weekly low net score last week with a "33" which while correct as far as it goes neglected to mention as pointed out quite emphatically (yes that is the word I am looking for EMPHATICALLY) ….by Jim Kulha ….that he too achieved that honor without so much as a mention in the weekly sheet…and oh by the way doesn't he get a year end golf ball for that although a tie….??????? So yes indeed it is a ball for you Jim ….and a great big week late ATTABOY ….congrats Jim Kulha for his 33 net last week almost eclipsing (eclipsing???) yes eclipsing almost Chris Carlson's like score but in fact tieing it indeed….(how the hell do you spell that tie ing?)……

GO SNAPPERS!!!!!

A BIRDIE FOR BRAH????
WK8 UPDATE: June 25, 2015 By: Snapper and DaBlade(POSTED: July 2, 2015)

Weekly Cudos:

Low Actual:Scott Gregory & Steve Peltier "39"
Low Net: Scott Gregory & Steve Peltier "32"
Greenies: DaBlade & Hollywood (WTF????)
Team Skin: Nobody... it's a carry over (Now do that once more boys. I wont be back until the 9th)
5-Hole: went to TK
Jamie's scratch skin game: Jamie Leece took down Thirty Dolla No Holla

Erik (Brah) carded a bird this week... way to go. as did Jamie, TK and Shang.

Speakin of birdies, will the following Snappers please report to the birdie line as you are the last of the League without any: Rick Carlson, Bill Cape, Dave Lawless, Paul Oginski, Ken Hochstein, Jim Kulha and Matt Murany.

The rest of yas stay in the next line over... the one marked: "EAGLES" with nobody yet claiming one.

Nice going to the 39 actuals... that was 6 pars for Scott Gregory... pretty decent. Ok Shang I liked your birdie too... Oh oh be careful boys. look at the standings and see Coop and Tommy slow and steady moving away from the pack with a 13 point lead over their next challengers Peltier and Oginski. we do have two more position rounds this year, but we don't want anybody too far out there do we????????

That's all I got but then again. I wasn't there bitches…..Feel free to add on brutha Jerry...

ASSHOLE OF THE DAY:, June 25, 2015:
Steve "Shang" Peltier wins for falsely taking possession of unearned greenie money. Evidence submitted to the league quorum included the actual greenie marker card for hole #25 that clearly showed, in Mr. Peltier's OWN HANDWRITING: Steve "Shang" (for a little while). We've all been there before. Your shot hits the green, but clearly it is nowhere near the actual hole, and the odds of that being closest to the pin are nil - but you sheepishly put down your name (cuz you never know with this group). As a modifier, you include "for a little while" as a way to give the rest of the league a "wink and a nod" and to acknowledge it is, in fact, a shitty shot. After the round, you show up on the beer deck for the announcements (cuz you never know with this group). Pic Pic is confused by your presence, and states as much, "Steve never shows up. He must think he's won!". Chris C-Money reads off the winners in Papa C's absence (mumbling "heavy is the weight of the man bag..."), he sees "Steve" on a greenie card and mistakenly interprets this and reads it as the incorrect nickname "Shang" when the winner was actually Steve "Hollywood". "Shang" grabs the $20 bill. The mistake was realized and announced. The $20 was snatched from Shang's shocked grasp and given to its rightful owner, as the league chanted, AAAAASSSSHOOOOOLEEE! Shang, you should have trusted your original instincts. At least you had that $20 bill, if only "for a little while". Accept this free golf ball as a parting gift instead.

Honorable Mention: A visibly inebriated and vision-challenged Dave Lawless watched groups hit up to the final hole from his cart perch at the last hole gallery. When a gentleman in plaid slacks hit up to, but just off the green, Dave wondered out loud who that golfer was. Steve Markunas confidently answered, "Oh, that's Doyne." Dave asked why Doyne would be upset for just missing the green. "That's a good shot from there for Doyne." Steve answered, "I don't know, but that is definitely Doyne." In fact, it was Herb Green (and not Doyne) and became obvious to Dave when the group was within his clouded site range. Steve (with 20/20 vision) narrowly misses!

GO SNAPPERS!!!!!

WHO WENT "O FOR 8" on the par threes?
WK7 UPDATE: June 18, 2015 By: Snapper(POSTED: June 22, 2015)

Weekly Cudos:

Low Actual:Jamie Leece "40"
Low Net: Steve Markunas "32"
Greenies: Jamie Leece & Steve Peltier
Team Skin: Tim Kachelski flying solo parred the skin hole, doubled his score and cap and won, and before anyone bitches about that, he also doubled his buy in paying for the whole team just like you. Way to go TK
5-Hole: Matt Murany
Jamie's scratch skin game: Chris Carlson, & Herb Green each won $17

ASSHOLE OF THE DAY:, June 18, 2015:
None deserving and none awarded. We did have a couple of honorable mentions. Dave Lawless & Bill Cape in the lead group for the league were nominated by Jamie leece in the second group off the tee for not once but twice having to be chased down at the hole after each par 3 for having failed, neglected and/or refused to leave the proximity markers greenside after missing the green with all four shots in their group (Cape, Lawless, Hochstein & Kulha). That is an "O FOR 8". The only reason they did not win is it was unknown which was primarily responsible for the infractions.

Also, Don Savoie was nominated by Erik "Don't call me Brah" Stanley for hitting into their group. Erik apparently did not read the rules and did not know (you cannot win aotd for something that can be considered playing or not playing golf). Don set him straight with a perfect defense: "It is only a true asshole thing to do if I did it on purpose Brah."

INDEPENDENCE DAY EVE EVE: Hey boys, usually the golf course decides for us whether to shut us down for league on the holiday weekend. This year it was left up to us. You need to talk about it and decide. YEA or NEH. League or no league. Thursday 7/2? I say if we got one team that cannot make it due to family plans going out of town or such we shut it down. what is the point???

Allrighty then. Snapper getting ready to go on the 15 day Wounded Snapper DL. Signing off. somebody card an Eagle while I am off would you??????????????

CAN I PLEASE HAVE MY F*%KING PUTTER???????!!!
WK6 UPDATE: June 11, 2015 By: Snapper(POSTED: June 22, 2015)

Weekly Cudos:

Low Actual:Dave Wolfenden "36"
Low Net: Dave Wolfenden "32"
Greenies: Jamie Leece & Herb Green
Team Skin: Ken Hochstein & Jim Kulha won the 2 week skin
5-Hole: went to Steve Markunas
Jamie's scratch skin game: Chris Carlson, Dave Wolfenden, Jamie Leece & Herb Green each won $8

ASSHOLE OF THE DAY:, June 11, 2015:
Scott Gregory. Quiet, unassuming Scott Gregory. That guy who goes out of his way not to call attention to himself. Feeling a little bit frisky this week apparently and decided to have some fun with his partner, Matt Murany, who may not have had quite so much fun as Scott. So the short uphill par 4 - you know the one - with the big assed green at the bottom of a 40 foot hill and the so called greenside cart path you are supposed to park next to up at the top???? Well Scott was the cart driver and as such the keeper of the clubs for the team. Matt needed a wedge chipper of some sort and a putter. These utensils were in his bag on the cart under the control and supervision of Scott. so Matt is standing next to his ball either at the top of the hill or the bottom (I forget which) and Scott in the cart is located in the other location. Matt: "Hey partner, can you bring me that wedge chipper thingy and my putter?" Scott: *blank stare* So Matt, who apparently had forgotten to use the magic word, (PLEASE) starts walking to the cart to get it himself and climbs up or down (which ever) almost but not quite there about call it 6 feet from the cart when Scott on apparent delayed reaction drives the cart past Matt and over next to Matt's golf ball to deliver the clubs as requested thereby requiring Matt to retrace his steps to the point of origin. For this as recited by witness and playing opponent Dave Lawless. in apparent dismay that a partner, friend and helper would treat Matt in such a way. Scott heard the familiar chorus: "AAAAASSHOLE... AAAAASSHOLE... AAAASSHOLE!!

GO SNAPPERS!!!!!

THERE IS NO F*%K IN STRAWBERRY!!!!
WK5 UPDATE: June 4, 2015 By: Snapper(POSTED: June 11, 2015)

Weekly Cudos:

Low Actual: Herb Green "37"
Low Net: Herb Green "31"
Greenies: were won by Scott Gregory & Chris Carlson
Team Skin: a carry over push
5-Hole: went to Steve Markunas
Jamie's scratch skin game: Chris Carlson & Scott Gregory got one and Larry Cooper got two worth $8 each

Speakin of birdies, we had a bunch of em again this week. First of all the 4 skins listed above in Jamie's scratch skins game were all birds, plus Herb Green got one, as did Don Savoie and Steve Peltier.

AOTD: none deserving none awarded

So last Thursday, Naked Dave, who is not golfing on our league this year and has nothing to do, goes into ice cream store and asks for three scoops of strawberry ice cream. Owner says, we don't have any strawberry ice cream. Nakes says, ok, I'll have 2 scoops of strawberry ice cream. Owner replies, we don't have any strawberry ice cream. Naked decides to have some more fun with the guy and says ok, just give me 1 scoop. Owner says, Hey Nakes, we don't have any strawberry ice cream! Dave pushes it one more time and says, ok, just give me a small cup of strawberry ice cream. The owner asks him, Dave how do you spell the van in vanilla? Dave plays along and responds, v-a-n. Owner says good and asks, Ok Naked how do you spell the choc in chocolate? Nakes: says, c-h-o-c. Owner says good, and asks, now Dave think hard. How do you spell the "f*%k" in strawberry? Naked Dave says AH HA!......... there's no f*%k in Strawberry. The owner shouts, that's what I've been trying to tell you Ass wipe!!!

GO SNAPPERS!!!!!

CONGRATULATIONS TO FIRST TIME MAJESTIC BEER BABE OF THE WEEK WINNER: KELLY
WK4 UPDATE: May 28, 2015 By: Snapper(POSTED: June 4, 2015)

Weekly Cudos:

Low Actual: Dave Hamilton "38"
Low Net: Herb Green "35"
Greenies: were won by Bob Baughmann & Jim Kulha
Team Skin: a three week carry over worth $120... drumroll... Chris Carlson & Erik Stanley
5-Hole: went to Tim Kachelski
Jamie's scratch skin game: Chris Carlson & Dave Wolfenden $22 each

Speakin of birdies, we had six this week: Steve Peltier, Dave Wolfenden, Bob Baughman, Chris Carlson and Timmy K got 2

AOTD: none deserving none awarded

KELLY, 1st time winner! I thought she was trolling for the award when she kept running back and forth from our golf carts postured around the post round # 9 green, but she really didn't know about the award until she won. CONGRATS GIRL and thanks for the great service!

Will the REAL Murany please stand up
WK3 UPDATE: May 21, 2015 By: Snapper(POSTED: May 27, 2015)

Weekly Cudos:

Low Actual: Dave Wolfenden "40"
Low Net: Dave Wolfenden "34"
Greenies: were won by Chris Carlson & Chris Carlson
Team Skin: was a carry over
5-Hole: went to Paul Oginsky
Jamie's scratch skin game: ??????????????????

Speakin of birdies..we had only one this week... Tommy Harrison

AOTD: none deserving none awarded

SNAPPERS: PLEASE NOTE THE NAME CHANGE on the sheet this week by request of Scott Gregory's partner who apparently was unable to sleep the last 3 weeks because the golf sheet reflected he was: Matt Muraney whereas his mother had always told him he was Matt Murany. Had she lied to him all these years and we Snappers were the first to awaken him to the awful truth that his name in fact contained one more vowel????? He apparently had written to the Clerk of the County in which he drew his first breath and confirming that his mother was not in fact a Gd Damn Liar!!! He called us on it and demanded a new spelling on the Snapper Golf Sheet in accordance with his momma's wishes... all you had to do was ask, Mathew.

Parenthetically when he first screamed at us last week "THAT IS NOT HOW MOMMA SPELLED MY NAME!" and gave us no other information. In order to ensure accuracy we gave him a multiple choice quiz with the only other 3 possible ways we could imagine to correctly spell his name and asked him to put a check next to the correct one and return it to us:

MOORAINY... MOOREANE... MUURREIGHNEE... (you know, 'I before e except after c' and all that)

He instead with a look of near hatred in his eyes circled the correct letters and connected them with a line. Thanks MATTHEW... got it!

BONUS! The SNAPPERS GOLF LEAGUE WORD SEARCH 2015 is back from the printers (after the 2 month waiting list and substantial cost from league funds). It's unfortunately too late for corrections.

SNAPPERS GOLF LEAGUE WORD SEARCH 2015
YUSWHQRSTTFEIOVASNODQJ
YVSTVUZJQGCCMYNLITQAKR
NEDNEFLOWEVADEDJNKXVKV
OITNBVTREAYXEBCSCDJEUQ
STEVEPELTIERIQQJSBRLYX
LZTTLXEMUGGQOOAAAILAQP
REKOSINPABYZXGUHKSNWJM
ABDCMHRSRRQEKPESROULDA
CUVAETCEBKKMNWTRSVUEXJ
SJJMALHOMICUMAYLGIXSYV
IAYTWOAMHBLPNARNZTGSDG
RKBVSVDRLNLLIAXUPSTGZB
HHSOBGLYRWERCRSIMSROWU
CNVLBVVTLYQKYAGVZTKJCB
RQIQEBWMTRCBBQPFARANTS
CWTOMHARRISONWBEPFOMJU
OZPQMCCURZIAOVXPMRWQAP
JIMKULHAMYZLGPJVSGGQCY
USEDLKLJKAPHWIEMQAICHC
JNOPDTQQNMNDXMERWYCLYI
GLAAPAULOGINSKYNOCYZAO
MTSRUZMAZDLTJMGPTZVTVK

BILLCAPEBOBBAUMANNCHRISCARLSON
DAVELAWLESSDAVEWOLFENDENDONSAVOIE
ERIKSTANLEYHERBGREENJAMIELEECE
JIMKULHAKENHOCHSTEINLARRYCOOPER
MATMURANEYPAULOGINSKYRICKCARLSON
SCOTTGREGORYSTEVEMARKUNASSTEVEPELTIER
TIMKACHELSKITOMHARRISON


GO SNAPPERS!!!!!

DO WE HAVE AN AOTD WINNER YET??? YES WE DO
WK2 UPDATE: May 14, 2015 By: Snapper(POSTED: May 19, 2015)

Weekly Cudos:

Low Actual: Dave Wolfenden "38"
Low Net: Dave Wolfenden "32"
Greenies: were won by Steve Markunas & Jamie Leece
Team Skin: was a carry over
5-Hole: went to Larry Cooper
Jamie's scratch skin game: $25 each to Wolf (par) and to sub Dave Hamilton (bird).

Speakin of birdies, we had two this week. Peltier & Cooper.

Speaking of team games again, the weekly bet payout has been amended. $10/team/week buys into all 3 games: greenies, 5hole and team skin. payouts will be $20/person for greenies. $20 per person for 5hole and $20 per person ($40 total/week) for the blind drawn team skin.

Also speaking of team games. Snapper proposed a new rule wherein any winner of any game who failed or neglected to come into the post round meeting to collect their winnings for 3 consecutive weeks in a row would forfeit the same winnings. this rule died on the vine and was not passed but may be revisited and suggested again if team Peltier/Oginsky do not come get their week 1 skin money soon. And speaking of assholishness, we do have a winna winna chicken dinna this week for asshole of the day.

ASSHOLE OF THE DAY:, May 14, 2015:
ah brutha in law Steve Markunas (you dirty dog).......Steve noticed that one beverage cart girl was very young, not someone we had seen before and despite her efforts and willingness to learn how to be the very best beverage cart server she could be, just might be the kinda person who: 1. was actually on her first day or close to it, 2. did not know who we were either or what we were about & 3. probably had not yet encountered golfers quite like us....so Steve put on his very best solemn and sincere face and whispered into her ear something like this: "You know so & so (calling her by the name on her shiny new name tag) we have a little problem with the group behind us that you could help us out with…you see they are recovering alcoholics and they are not doing so well right now…last week they caused quite a scene so for them and us and for their families especially…it would probably be best if you did not offer them anything to drink….But I have to go that way to serve the rest of my route…which ones are they? she inquired…actually all of them…try staying on the opposite side of the fairway and do not even look their way when you go by…….WHICH SHE DID!!!!!!.....so there were the 4 guys who probably down more cans of beer between them on league night (with the possible exception of Timmy K)…Bill Pic Pic Cape wildly ringing his beer call bell….Dave Lawless with hands on hips simply looking incredulously her way…new guy Erik yelling WTF????..and Chris CMoney Carlson who fired up his own cart and chased her all the way to the next hole where she explained what happened and he throughout fits of his own guffaws slowly spelled the word g-u-l-l-i-b-l-e…to her (in a nice way) and told her that she and they had been had…Steve Tannar when told of this after the fact slowly went through the names of his employees in his head and then correctly named the poor girl saying yea she would fall for that….so as not to embarrass her or Steve the name will be withheld from this post…but Steve Markunas????...ASSHOLE>>>ASSHOLE>>>ASSHOLE

FB Friendless? Here's what you've missed
May 17, 2015 By: Snapper

I have a moral dilemma perhaps someone can help me with.... after an errant shot yesterday while looking for my own ball (which of course I failed to locate) I found the ball below.... it is a pro v1x and has had little use (it appears to have been removed from the packaging, placed on a tee and immediately hit into the woods) much like many of my own golf balls...it would make an excellent replacement....Am I wrong not to call the owner as he has requested?????

Ok week 2 of Snappers League came and went with 2 Majestic Beer Babes playing prominent roles. Meet Haley, seen here with Chris accepting her honor and recognition for superior service with a smile as Majestic Beer Babe of the Week!!! it is not easy to keep this group imbibed to their satisfaction.

GO SNAPPERS!!!!!

AND WE ARE OFF - Like a thundering herd of medicated three legged tortoises
WK1 UPDATE: May 7, 2015 By: Snapper(POSTED: May 13, 2015)

The back 9 lived up to its reputation and brutalized more than a few Snappers. Out of 180 total individual golf holes played only 35 were pars and 1 was a birdie (non regular league player Dave Hamilton) Exactly one half of the final scores posted were 50 or highe. Ahh... but there were some bright spots:

Weekly Cudos:

Low Actual: Substitute Dave Hamilton shot 40
Low Net: Ken Hochstein managed a low net 35
Greenies: Chris Carlson & Herb Green
Team Skin: was par 3 hole #16 taken down by team Peltier/Oginsky.
5-Hole: Rick Carlson
AOTD: none deserving none awarded. honorable mention to Pic-Pic by his partner Dave as Bill has new butterfly floor mats in his vehicle.

Speaking of team games Jamie Leece noticed that the 2 teams we lost would lower the game payouts and suggested a bump to $10/team from the $7/team previously played…….the Carlson's thought that to be a reasonable thing to do and would be much easier to collect so as to avoid making change just before tee off….Carlsons also thought it best to determine the individual game payouts before the winners were determined for the evening and upon discussing it at the tee box on the 1st par 3 decided that $20 each was good as a payout for greenies which anyone should be satisfied with leaving $60 for the other 2 games….briefly considering $40 for the 2 man skin and $20 for the 5 hole it was decided the skin carries over a lot and $40 was too much so 30 and 30 …good…right????? Sure it was until later at the meeting when the presumptive winners of most of the yet to be played seasons greenies (Jamie & Herb) suspected that Snapper (who incidentally had won the 5 hole that night) was motivated to line his own pockets as a probable contender for future 5 holes but not much chance at 200 yard plus greenies…..hmmm….insults were exchanged….middle fingers extended and a final vote made by the Carlsons to keep the prewinner payout determination made passed unanimously 2 to nothing…..Issue Resolved…

Dues payments are going good…thanks guys….. Heads up new guys (and old guys who forget a lot) we play from the 1st Thursday in May through and including the last Thursday before Labor Day…then our seaon ending scramble included in your dues is the Sunday after Labor Day…..the calendar makes that late this year…write it down in block letters with a sharpie on your refrigerator calendars so your wives can see it clearly: SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 13, 2015 : GOLF WITH THE GUYS……..

I have requested a quote from our sister course Eagle Eye in E Lansing……also requested quotes from Shepherds Hollow (they want $125/man…screw them) and Metamora (they have not bothered to answer the request yet)….more to come later on this…

GO SNAPPERS!!!!!

AND OFF TO AN EARLY MAJESTIC BEER BABE OF THE WEEK WAS 4 TIME 2013/2014 winner ERIN!!!!!!!!!!!

ok week 1 in the books and while looking for a drink on the G$% Damn back 9 who immediately appeared bearing shots and washes with a smile??????? that's right ERIN immediately voted our 1st 2015 Majestic Beer Babe of the week........it is generally the guys showing the relaxed effort of photo posing....but look at Erin's nonchalance.....is that confidence or what? she knows shes the Beer Babe........

Welcome Back Snappers Golf League 2015
May 3, 2015 By: Snapper

TONIGHT WE START ON HOLE # 10 SO GET YOUR ARSE'S OVER THERE. YOU KNOW THE DRILL. TROLLEY TO THE BOAT DOCK, PONTOON ACROSS WALDEN LAKE, PICK A CART AND ON TO THE TEE BOX. I MEAN NEXT TO IT NOT ONTO IT. YOU KNOW THAT RIGHT????

Really though, let's keep the trolley and the boat filled up when we start on #10 so they do not have to make extra trips to get us all over there. meet your partner at the tee box if you have to. you have over 2 hours after that to hold hands if you want to, you don't need to meet him in the parking lot.

WE HAVE TEN 2-MAN TEAMS THIS YEAR…..20 guys total………We lost Throesch & Barnett, Darren & Duane & Nakes… We also lost Jason Carrier but picked up Matt Muraney to replace him…….I gotta ask you guys to all keep an eye on him as I saw him a little during bowling season and he might be a little of a suspect character…… just what you might expect for a Scott Gregory partner…………………..we are also picking up a replacement for Nakes……don't know his name yet as of this writing or anything about him but he's got some large drinkin shoes to fill…..somebody tell him about the new guy buyin the first round the first nite ok??????????????

I bumped the dues to $550 this year as you know…….pay up so I don't have to collect dues all year long……

Usually the week of July 4th is closed to us by the course……we get a choice this year so let's choose….Thursday that week is 7/2………….you guys want league that week or not?????????????????

Remember our rotating schedule always goes counter clockwise (that's backwards to you Timmy)…NOT THIS YEAR…this year STEVE TANNAR set us going clockwise (forward Timmy) …...we are on 10 tonight so we start on 19 next week then we start on 1 the week after then back to 10 and so on…..ALWAYS ROTATE whether there was a completed round the week before or not……….

There are 120 more league players per week out here then there were last year although I do not believe many extras on Thursdays…nevertheless a request has been made by the course that you telephone in advance for a tee time for your pre-league round which is still available this year for $15 bucks……

Speaking of telephoning the course please DO NOT DO THAT to check on whether we are playing or cancelled for inclement weather…….the course does a good job of deciding whether to remain open or to close in plenty of time and will contact me…..we have cell phones texts facebook pages and websites…..do we really need to all call the course and ask: So We golfing on our league today??? NO!!! we don't!!! If I have not contacted you in advance show up have a drink and we will golf or we won't….you should not have had anything better to do on league day (except for you Herbie….we know you like to nap)………

GO SNAPPERS!!!!!

Snappers Golf Site Back Up!!!

I apologize for this website being down for several months. Apparently, the problem had to do with the site being hosted on Hillary Clinton's personal server. After several hours on the phone with some gal named Chelsea with tech support to no availe, the site has since been moved back to GoDaddy. Everything should now be working properly again. That is all.

GO SNAPPERS!

Miguel Angel Jimenez asks: "Are you warmed up yet?"


Pictured: A leisurely boat ride across Lake Walden on our way back to the clubhouse side dock after the front nine at The Majestic.

May 29, 2004
I sat at a table on the beer deck checking the math on Snapper golf cards (fifty five... fifty six... fifty seven...). Fellow Snappers were swapping traffic violation stories like old sailors rolling up their pant legs and comparing shark wounds. Mister Cowan's partner, Shang, had started the subject earlier when he hired Snapper to help him with a ticket (allegedly for speeding, but Shang claims it was a wrongful citation as he was in a hurry that day). Shang became concerned and wondered aloud if he was still on Snapper's "billing clock." Snapper told Shang not to worry, as he will work for beers. Shang, here is a running legal bill (bar tab) for Snapper's services.
Shang's legal bill (in beer)

Highlights


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