[Most recent Golf League Sheet]
Spreadsheet of all 2009 scores now available on STATS page.

COMING SOON: Rule clarification rewrite : every so often as a matter of necessity we write a new rule or clarify an existing rule. We will do so again shortly based upon a happening last week on hole number one between my team Carlson/Groesser and team Hansen/Fairchild. 4 balls in the fairway. Greg Groesser hits the opponent Hansen’s ball by mistake without checking it. He misses the green short left. Hansen attempts to hit the remaining ball some 35 yards closer to the green but checks it and discovers it not to be his ball, but Groesser’s. Greg admits he did not check the shorter ball and assumed it was his. Hansen/Fairchild being fairly new to the league in their 2nd year only asks what we do now. Yours truly who has seen this happen on a number of occasions in the past suggests that Hansen hit from where his ball was and Groesser hit his own ball ignoring the first shot. Fairchild wonders if this is fair. Groesser suggests he will take a 2 stroke penalty. Fairchild declines this but still wonders if it is fair for Greg to hit “overs”; Carlson suggests the compromise that Greg simply play the shot he hit already without further penalty since the ball he hit was 30 + yards further away from the green to begin with and he missed the green on the approach. Groesser (the 4somes scorekeeper) charges himself a 2 stroke penalty anyway without informing his opponents who again had declined that option. A discussion on the patio afterwards reaffirmed that the proper way to deal with the situation in the spirit of the Snappers is as it has been in the past. Hit your own ball again without penalty. As in bowling where you alternate lanes if you bowl on the wrong lane you have to do it over on the right lane. It matters not whether you had scored a strike or a split. It does not count. Here it matters not whether you hit the green up close or missed miserably. It was not your ball and does not count. You have to do it over without penalty. This rule rewrite when done will not be named after anyone. It was a legitimate question of what the rules are in our league and we need it clarified with a “common sense” rule in the spirit of our league.

ASSHOLE OF THE DAY: Dave Wolfenden for “Selective availability in Jamie bet payoffs”. Last week, Dave left early without paying Jamie their weekly bet claiming later “I had to work 3rd shift”. This week, although he also had to work 3rd shift again, he waited for Jamie before going to work for the payoff. The difference? Last week Dave shot 45 and the quorum voting believed he probably new he had lost the bet and this week he shot 40 and probably new he would be paid if he just waited for Jamie. Your motivation to stay or to go Wolf was unanimously determined by the league as suspect.

Honorable Mention:The following nominations were made and win honorable mention for AOTD:

Team Hansen/Fairchild for failing to volunteer the common sense approach the league took in the past to a Snapper hitting the wrong ball. Of course we do not penalize ourselves for this anymore than anything else.

Greg Groesser for stubbornly giving himself a 2 stroke penalty without telling his opponents in addition to accepting the errant shot of the wrong ball as his own after the opponents had specifically declined wanting that result.

Tim Kachelski for nonchalantly nicknaming Greg “2Stroke” and calling him such numerous times the remainder of the night.

Go Snappers!

HMMMMM????? ENOUGH SAID?

WOLF/JAMIE CHALLENGE UPDATE: week 5 this weekly report is being cancelled for lack of interest. Recall when last reported Wolf was (+$5) and Jamie (-$5) for the year.**

AOTD: none deserving and none awarded. But we did have some contenders. Rick Carlson had broken a promise to bring son Chris’ clubs (and golf shoes) with him from home. Chris used Naked’s clubs a couple of fairway woods from dad’s bag and a putter the likes of which he had never seen let alone used. However, he refused numerous prompts to nominate dad, shot “44” wearing a pair of flip flops and got a greenie to boot.

Timmy K nominated absent partner Markie Mark Blevins for having one of his employee secretaries telephone Timmy to explain Markie Mark was not only too busy to golf but too busy to take the phone once dialed and tell him himself. Come on TK the man’s important and he is too busy for you. What’s so hard to understand???

Sub Bob Maguffee was nominated for bumming a smoke from the new guys and then coughing uncontrollably after the first inhale. Guess some smokes are stronger than other’s Bob? Thought you were once “an old stoner” in your day???

SKINS CARRYOVER BROKEN: Way to go to team Leece and Ringer Sub (Herb Green) who broke the new skins pot on the first week. 14 smakeroonies!!!!.

CAPTAIN BRAD EXPLAINED his “Man Overboard Fiasco” with new information for us to enjoy. Apparently the pontoon came untied and floated to the middle of the pond. A kindly looking old 75ish year old fisherman volunteered to motor the Capt out to it with his little 5 horse outboard which ended up not quite half way there. Brad rowed manually and upon reaching the pontoon was too exhausted to successfully board. Not too funny at the time as Brad skinned his knee, hit his head and hurt his bad leg and just could not get out of the water without the assistance of not so few choice words and phrases he claims he seldom uses and has barely heard, but somehow managed to invoke at the top of his lungs until finally successful. @#!*&!! *&%$!## $$!###@$$ (*&^%$## shouted Brad. He later apologized to the silent old fisherman, who then informed him he had heard it before and not to worry. Brad didn’t until subsequent small talk revealed to a Red Faced Brad that the old fisherman was a Pastor at a local church.

** Just kidding …Jamie finally caught up this week with a one over par 37. Season totals now:
Season totals: Wolf 1-1-3 (+$00), Jamie 1-1-3 (+$00)

Go Snappers!

WOLF/JAMIE CHALLENGE UPDATE: week 4 tie “39” each Season totals: Wolf 1-0-3 (+$5), Jamie 0-1-3 (-$5)

AOTD: none deserving and none awarded. But that didn’t stop the team of Cape & Lawless from attempting to extract a golf ball from the league on slow asshole nights as they always do. Bill nominated Dave and Dave nominated Bill. Something about Dave suggesting Bill use a putter out of the sand trap and then incessantly chattering tips on exactly how to do it while the attempt was being made: “Don’t ground the club Bill…Move the rake Bill…put the ball back in your stance Bill…don’t forget Bill its coming out of sand a little slower…don’t hit behind it Bill…etc etc etc” It sounds all too true and likely fun to watch and listen to, but after all he was only trying to help you Bill. Dave nominated Bill for jumping at the suggestion as a really good idea despite the elevated grass covered bunker lip and then feeble and unsuccessfully attempting the extraction of the ball in the desired minimum number of strokes only to then blame the suggester who only meant that Bill should consider the option not that he actually accept it as the one true answer to his problem. Nice try guys but NO BALLS FOR YOU.

SKINS CARRYOVER BROKEN: Way to go to team Wolfenden/Markunas who skinned the league for the 4 week $56 carryover. That was our biggest carryover pot yet.

Sub List expanded. We have had 4 substitutes this year. Feel free to bring your own guys as you have been as you paid for the round. Don’t forget our longtime snappers not in the league this year, all who would come in as established handicaps from last year whereas your new guys must establish with three rounds like everyone else so they really cannot help you (or hurt you) when you first bring them in. Also, Timmy Kachelski has a new best friend (Larry Goldman) who could probably sub if asked.

Go Snappers!

WOLF/JAMIE CHALLENGE UPDATE: week 3 tie “45” each Season totals: Wolf 1-0-2 (+$5), Jamie 0-1-2 (-$5) May 22, 2009 (May 21st RESULTS)

AOTD: Dishonorable Mention:
Who can forget Naked Dave’s infamous “Man Overboard” stunt getting him AOTD from 6/7/2007 (#6 on our all time Top Ten list)? We recall that it was Capt. Brad behind the wheel of the ole Majestic Pontoon Shuttle that fateful day, who when the midpond pickup of Nakes was completed shook his head and was heard to mumble something like “Kids” or “You Snappers” or some similar exclamation of his amazement that such a thing could happen on his watch. Well guess who went “Man Overboard” this year already??? That’s right: CAPT BRAD!!! While we can’t honor you with our revered AOTD (reserving it for league aholes and subs to maintain the integrity of the award) we can and do salute you Capt Brad with this dishonorable mention. Which of your weasly co-workers turned you in? I won’t say, but he does by request receive our weekly sheet each week and rumor has it he forgot to gas up the pontoon before shuttling golfers across the pond this week and had to paddle in. Perhaps the “I forgot to put gas in it” defense was a cover-up of financial difficulties the Majestic may be suffering in this obamanation economy we have, whose to say? Maybe gas is being rationed and all employees are expected to feel the pain and pitch in to do what they can?? Don’t know if this is true and don’t want to start any rumors but I noticed that our club pro Steve Tanner who last year was broadcasting golf tips live on the radio from the clubhouse deck this year is manning the beer cart. I got a picture and awarded Steve and new employee Kaitlan jointly our 1st 2009 Majestic Beer Babes of the Week” award. By the way Steve says he was just training Kaitlan but that don’t explain him shakin the tip jar after each purchase.

AOTD: Little Timmy K for his impersonation of either a tired 2 year old or Woody Hayes on the sideline at the end of his career. Timmy wins for his temper tantrum during a bit of a rough night on the back 9 of the Majestic Links. It was hole #17 and TK had just earned himself an “8” and not the first one for the card this night. Before anyone could use Naked Dave’s line: “Snowman…Oh man..” Little Timmy K took a full backswing with his putter and drove the offensive ball which had just failed him again, about 150 yards from the beautiful green surface where it had come to rest after his 3rd attempt to hole it still some 3 ½ feet or so from the cup. Timmy who prides himself on minimal gimme putts for him or anyone else and is often heard to say “nobody ever gives me a gimme on my drive and lets me throw it out there in the middle, was furious when his opponent Snapper said: “It’s good….Really Tim pick it up…. Pick it up Tim we’ve seen enough”. Perhaps due to his innate golfing skill and prowess otherwise nowhere to be seen that round, or more likely from the peculiar lie of his 30 year old putter which never quite sits flat on the ground at address with its toe pointed 45 degrees skyward towards the moon as if it were a forged with a perennial “hard on”, miraculously no damage was suffered upon the green surface. But that’s not the point. Timmy, as Groesser pointed out in reporting the activity: “It could have left a helluva gouge”. Timmy’s defense that he had never previously had a temper tantrum on the course was quickly put to rest by Jamie, who reminded TK of a similar episode a couple weeks ago when some of us (Nakes, CMoney, Snap, TK, Jamie & Paul) were north for the weekend. Jamie reported that TK stormed around the green after 3 puttin his little arms and legs a flailing causing Jamie a hernia as he stifled back laughter as he could not get the midget/dwarf reality tv show “Little People Big World” out of his head. “I didn’t wanna laugh out loud…I felt sorry for the guy” Jamie explained. The rest of the league then quickly agreed they had noticed Jamie was the most sensitive Snapper to others feelings we have known for a long time. Ha! Go Snappers!

WOLF/JAMIE CHALLENGE UPDATE: week 2 tie “44” each Season totals: Wolf 1-0-1 (+$5), Jamie 0-1-1 (-$5)

FOLLOWING IS OUR HANDICAP RULE WHICH HAS BEEN LONG POSTED ON OUR WEBSITE AND UTILIZED FOR MANY YEARS. IT APPEARS HERE IN PRINT ON WEEK 3 DUE TO THE NUMEROUS ???S POSITED BY WOLF (2009 hndp “3”) LAST WEEK ABOUT WHAT WE DO NOW. For example: “Don’t I get the 1st two weeks in 2009 added to the last 3 weeks in 2008 for a multiple year 5 week moving average?” Answer: No, read the rule. What about the new guys, shouldn’t they have a handicap now based on their 1st two weeks?” Answer: No, read the rule. “So at the end of next week (week 3) we figure up their hndcp at the end of the round and apply it combined for the first 3 weeks to their week 3 score??” Answer: No, read the rule.

Handicap Rule I will “lock in” last year’s season handicaps for your first 3 rounds. Your fourth round handicap will be based on your 3 round total for this year. We will still be employing the “5 week moving average” for handicap calculation after your fifth round.

New golfers (and subs) that do not have at least 3 rounds last year, will not establish a handicap until they have logged 3 rounds this year. Until then, their handicap will be based on that week’s score.

Handicaps will continue to be based on 80% of the difference between par and your average (no cap).

FAQ’s
Q: Why didn’t my handicap change in week 2, after I shot an “86” on opening night?
A: Handicaps are “locked in” from last year’s season Average for your first three rounds. (try to keep up Mike)
Q: What is a “5 week moving average”?
A: Only your most recent 5 scores are used to calculate your handicap. No, It has nothing to do with your bowel regularity.
Q: Why the changes? Couldn’t you leave well enough alone?
A: These changes should help eliminate wide fluctuations in handicaps early in the year, and create sufficient confusion that I hope to use to my advantage.
Sincerely,
DaBlade

Snapper bites
The Redwings were in the middle of game 7 with the Ducks when we finished golfing. We were lucky to get all the scorecards before everybody scattered. No aotd. Honorable mention to Bill Cape who before leaving for 2 weeks away from us arranged a scratch golfing sub telling partner Dave he believed he should do well as the sub would get Bill’s large handicap. Won’t he? Answer: No, read the rule.

Go Snappers!

“Oh what a tangled web we weave when first we practise to deceive”. Sir Walter Scott apparently speaking to the future shameful behavior of a current Snapper. (I wonder how he would feel if someone who had no legitimate claim to it stole all of his jewelry?????)

The season kicked off with a beautiful night at the old Majestic Golf Club. The course was in great shape for so early and the speed of the greens…my my…wonder what the old stintmeter will read when its hot and dry.

Not wishing to spend too much time explaining the intricacies of the rules on our league to the new guys, we paired them against Cape & Lawless for their first match and indoctrination. My only caution to Darren & Adam was: “No matter what else you may hear to the contrary, “pick-pick’s” are NOT mandatory. Bill did not appreciate that but undertook the delegated duty with his usual charm and enthusiasm.

Speakin of team skins CMoney bumped the team games weekly entry fee up to $7 from $5 last year then tried to convince everyone we already bumped it to $7 last year and he did it with such conviction that while we all knew it to be untrue, we believed him (all except Cape who knew exactly how much came out of the scotched tape wallet) but even he begrudgingly accepted the increase so long as it was acknowledged to be an increase. 8 teams x $7 = $56 divided by 4 (2 greeny winners, 1 five hole and one team skin) makes an even $14 smackeroonies for each weekly game winner with full participation.

AOTD: No award was given for the first week but it was not due to everyone being on their best behavior.

Nominations:
1. An unnamed snapper was reported by his partner to have encountered a King Cobra Driver head cover lying in the middle of the wooden bridge cartpath obviously from its location having dropped out mere moments before from the cart directly ahead of them on the next hole. The Snapper over whom we disclaim responsibility as we have no control over him picked it up and claimed it as his own since he has a King Cobra Driver but no head cover for it. Sapper himself offered a dubious defense to the nomination insisting we ought not further reward this blatant thievery by honoring the thief and giving him a golf ball to boot.
2. Timmy Kachelski apparently attempting to solve the problem by shaming the culprit into turning in the golf equipment which did not belong to him so that it would be there when the guy who lost it checked on it, leaned in the open window to the pro shop and reported the find and the guy who found it. Snapper suggested that this might be worthy of an AOTD nomination and Jamie Leece put an end to discussion by asking not so phoseciously: “Oh why, for his doing the right thing?”

Honorable mention is given to Snapper who after having prepared the best he could for opening night without brother Jerry (missed already) had a new full season 18 week 8 team round robin schedule prepared with 3 position rounds, printed up to hand out to everyone with the schedule (by team number v team number) on top and the team numbers and players on the bottom of the handout, had then prepared the scorecards wrong and not following his own schedule. Team 3 was to play team 8 and team 4 was to play team 7, or visee versee or something like that and actually 3 and 4 played each others opponents according to the cards. But no worries, Snapper was working feverishly at the post golf session trying to create a new round robin full season schedule that worked moving this match to this other week and visee versee….Snapper was stopped in his tracks when Greg Groesser (a high tech problem solver by trade) asked: why don’t you simply renumber two teams and leave the schedule alone????? Hmmm so simple and of course the rest of the league immediately jumped in and said that was what they were thinkin and I was apparently the only one to have missed the easy solution.

Finally, for years we would report the results weekly of the “coffee hole” in which the madcap last hole challenge between the Glacial Twins and the MaKenzie brothers for a cup of java would seem as important to the rest of us as it was to them.

To take its place, I suggest for those really interested the Dave Wolfenden proudly strutted around the deck at the end of the round announcing to all who would listen that he won the 1st $5 of the year off Jamie Leece in their “heads up” grudge match. Wolf & Jamie, I notice neither of you challenges Mark Hansen and I heard from Cape & Lawless that the new guys probably are going to challenge you each for what you believe to be the “best golfer in the league” award you have labeled yourselves. But until then in case you missed it the 1st time I will say it again, as between them: WOLF one $5 bet won (+$5) JAMIE “0” (-$5)

Go Snappers!

Since we last were here at the ole Majestic together we had a presidential election in which the majority of people across the land voted for “Change” without requiring an advance explanation of exactly what that word meant. Now we know and boy do we have change. The Obamanation we have become has affected the Snapper League. We have 7 long time regular league members who now have transferred, hopefully for just this one year, from regular dues paying members to the sub list. Please keep these Snappers involved when you cannot make it and require a substitute. Call them directly or call me:

Jerry “DaBlade” Carlson
Guy “Just Guy” Metzger
Steve “Shang” Peltier
Scott “ChipChunk” Cowan
Greg “Glacial” Carlson
Micha Fulgham
Chad Ellis
Ron Richardson

Also available to substitute:
Bob “How come everybody calls Greg first?” McGuffee
Doyne Cason

While we lose 7 regulars we welcome 3 new players to the Snapper family: Greg Groesser, Darren Bentley & Adam Cusin. “Free Golf” Greg who played more as a substitute the past couple of years then some guys actually on the league begrudgingly gave up his free golf status when informed that he would be the # 9 substitute on the league this year rather than #1. Darren & Adam just want to learn a little more about this “AOTD” award winning acclaim on the worldwide web as promoted by DaBlade on our website.

Offseason cudos to Snapper League member Dave “Wolf” Wolfenden who rolled a perfect “300” (his first) this year for the Carlson Attorney team on the Tuesday night 5 man Galaxy Lanes bowling league. Wolf promised hole in one this year on league play to complete his year’s goals.

Finally…..its never too early to plan the year end outing. Last year at Treetops was awesome to me. 28 players (+2 fillins midway thru the weekend) and no fistfights. This year I am negotiating with Otsego Club in Gaylord and hope the economy doesn’t hurt our numbers too much. Put it on the calendar now for September 25,26 & 27, 2009. We’ll be somewhere closing out the season.

Go Snappers!

Great News Snappers! Rumor has it that the Majestic Golf Club, being located geographically in this powerhouse liberal voting “Blue State” that helped make us the obamanation we are today, is on the list to receive a fleet of “green golf carts” (featured on the Drudge Report) set forth in the economic stimulus plan about to be passed by Congress to save us from catastrophic economic disaster and not to mention noxious green house gas emissions. The earmarked fleet of course comes with a few small governmental oversight regulations and restrictions (come on people, have you ever heard of a bill that doesn’t?) to ensure the carts are not misused. We will all have to sign a disclaimer the first week of golf that we do not now, nor did we ever, personally support the war criminal George W. Bush. Oh and one more thing, as a prelude to bringing back the Fairness Doctrine, our local pro will only be allowed to be interviewed on the deck by WDFN the FAN radio if he agrees to equal time interviews each week with probing questions of a reporter of Mr. Obama’s choice. Below is a photo of the rumored alternative media interviewer.

Regards,
DaBlade

Snappers 2008 Treetops north [Photos here]

Snappers 2008 Davison Country Club Year-end Scramble

TM 1: Ron Richardson, Terry Fairchild, Steve Peltier, Micha Fulgham
TM 2: Chris Carlson, Dave Wolfenden, Mark Blevins, Paul Throesch
TM 3: Chad Ellis, Dave Mitteer, Steve Markunas, Tim Kachelski
TM 4: Scott Cowan, Guy Metzger, Mark Hanson, Bill Cape
TM 5: Jerry Carlson, Jaime Leece, Rick Carlson, Dave Lawless

Finally downloaded pictures from my camera. I was going to add captions to each photo but after viewing the slideshow I deemed it unnecessary.
Enjoy,
Shang

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