[FINAL 2009 Golf League Sheet]

[Snappers Hall Of Fame]

Three of 16 Snappers could not make it (Paul Throesch, Bill Cape, Adam Cusin) but of course we had no trouble filling their spots with league subs (Jerry Carlson, Greg Carlson, Don Savoie) ….WHAT’S THE BEST KIND OF GOLF?... FREE GOLF!

The scramble teams, once again scientifically selected by random computer suggestions gave us 4 teams shooting -3, -4, -4 & -8 respectively. The winning team in fact had the highest average(s)/handicap(s) but pulled together and we are told made all four mulligans count for birdies.

Snappers 2009 Eagle Eye Year-end Scramble

TEAM 1: Mark Blevins, Steve Markunas, Jamie Leece, Don Savoie
TEAM 2: Tim Kachelski, Mark Hansen, Dave Lawless, Greg Carlson
TEAM 3: J. Carlson, Dave Wolfenden, Darren Bentley, Terry Fairchild
TEAM 4: Greg Groesser, Dave Mitteer, Rick Carlson, Chris Carlson

GREENIE WINNERS:
Dave Lawless, Darren Bentley, Steve Markunas, Jerry Carlson

LONG DRIVE WINNER(S):
Tie: DARREN BENTLEY & CHRIS CARLSON

Tie?...Whaddya mean tie? Chalk this one up to Snapper selecting the wrong hole. Hole # 9 looked good on the scorecard…a long par 5 front nine finishing hole with a gentle fade to the left after the drive. Then you get there and look at the sucker and find out its basically a split fairway where two balls actually in the fairway can be, and were, about 40 yards apart. Darren pounded his 300 plus yard drive up the right middle of the fairway careful to avoid the risk and reward of hugging the pond all along the leftside. Darren’s approach required no carry over water to the green. It was a monstrous and well thought out shot taking danger out of play and still allowing his group the chance to get home in two for an eagle putt if they approached well. Chris, after seeing his partners safely downfield but not very long chose to “roll the bones” and hug the water on the left side smoking his drive to a landing area which left a 200 carry over water but only about 207 to the pin (according to the nearby sprinkler head). From 40 yards to his right, Darren claimed victory and his team mates all supported the call by claiming to be able to eyeball who was longest off the tee from there. Chris’ team mates, not to be outdone inspected the sprinkler head near Darren’s ball and found that he had left his team with about 218 to the green, and of course claimed victory for Chris. How did the sprinkler heads measure distance to the green, around the hazard in the fairway or over the water, shortest distance? A spirited Snapper discussion ensued as usual with everyone throwin in two cents favoring first one then the other of the contestants as to who actual would win the $15, leaving Snapper shaking his head and promising never to again have a long drive contest. Chris and Snapper of course laughed it off and split the money…..

SKINS WINNERS:
TEAM #1 took down 6 count em 6 total skins!!!!
TEAM #2 got a skin
TEAM #3 got theirs….8total skins $40each

WAY TO GO TO ALL THE WINNERS and how bout an atta boy for all of us…Great Day..Great League…Great Guys….Great Fun…..

GO SNAPPERS 2010!

AND THE WINNERS ARE: CHRIS “CMONEY” CARLSON & DAVE “NAKES” MITTEER:

I am told it was a nice, quiet, gentlemanly game of golf with opponents Dave Wolfenden and Steve Markunas. Followed by a solemn and sincere handshake on hole # 7 when it was officially closed out. Yeah Right!

The foursome golfed early @ Davison CC in preparation for the match and I was there and all I heard all day long outta Steve was how badly he intended to annihilate the boys.

It is said the turning point in the match was the 1st par 3 hole # 4. The youngsters needing to win a total of 10 points had apparently blinked and were down 8 strokes and had lost 2 of the 1st 3 holes to the mouthy ones. As Wolf sat 8 ft away for par and Steve sat 6 feet away for par, Nakes was 20 feet away needing 2 putts for par and Chris was on the fringe 350 ft away after his drive. It didn’t look good. So Chris drained his putt for birdie and before Hollywood could say “What the F@#$!...” Dave calmly followed him in with his long birdie. It was all over but the crying then.

We finished out the year with no qualifying AOTD award despite my prior week challenge to Nakes and Cusin that this was their best chance to avoid being Balless. So they finish the season.

Cape blew absent Blevins away in the season par challenge adding 3 more to his totals and beating Markie Mark 9-6 for 2009 pars. Yes we know Mark you had a birdie and Bill did not. But as my brother Jerry pointed out a few weeks ago, this is a par challenge; birdies are nice…but they are not pars!

And DRUMROLL PLEASE…………..The Jamie Wolf challenge finished up even steven on money with Jamie whoopin on the Wolfman 7 weeks losing 6 and tying 4 weeks but Wolf had the foresight to double the $5 bet one time that he won.

IT’S A WRAP!

GO SNAPPERS!

No eagles yet: Cape is only one w/o a birdie. No 5 hole?: Chris, Bill, Mark, Wolf, Hansen, Adam. No skin?: everybody but Jamie/Paul, Wolf/Steve & Bentley/Cusin. Still completely without balls for the year?: Nakes and Adam (best chance boys seems AOTD)

Recall the following exchange from the movie Ghostbusters?
Dan Akroyd: “Everything was fine until the power grid was shut off by dickless here (speaking of Walter Peck EPA).
Mayor of the City: “Is this true?......”
Bill Murray: “Yes it’s true your honor…this man has no dick! Well that’s what I heard!!!!.......”
Don’t let something similar happen to you at the yearend, e.g.: Yes it’s true…this man has no balls!!!!...look at the sheet!”

NO AOTD shenanigans to laugh at? Okay try these golf jokes on for size: The schoolteacher was taking her first golfing lesson. "Is the word spelled p-U-t or p-U-t-t?'' he asked the instructor. "P-U-t-t is correct,'' he replied. "Put means to place a thing where you want it. Putt means merely a vain attempt to do the same thing." 

GO SNAPPERS!

Who’s your Snapper AOTY (asshole of the year) so far? Let us review but remember 2 more weeks to distinguish yourself………………..

5/20 AOTD: Little Timmy K for his impersonation of either a tired 2 year old or Woody Hayes on the sideline at the end of his career. Timmy wins for his temper tantrum during a bit of a rough night on the back 9 of the Majestic Links. It was hole #17 and TK had just earned himself an “8” and not the first one for the card this night. Before anyone could use Naked Dave’s line: “Snowman…Oh man..” Little Timmy K took a full backswing with his putter and drove the offensive ball which had just failed him again, about 150 yards from the beautiful green surface where it had come to rest after his 3rd attempt to hole it still some 3 ½ feet or so from the cup. Timmy who prides himself on minimal gimme putts for him or anyone else and is often heard to say “nobody ever gives me a gimme on my drive and lets me throw it out there in the middle, was furious when his opponent Snapper said: “It’s good….Really Tim pick it up…. Pick it up Tim we’ve seen enough”. Perhaps due to his innate golfing skill and prowess otherwise nowhere to be seen that round, or more likely from the peculiar lie of his 30 year old putter which never quite sits flat on the ground at address with its toe pointed 45 degrees skyward towards the moon as if it were a forged with a perennial “hard on”, miraculously no damage was suffered upon the green surface. But that’s not the point Timmy as Groesser pointed out in reporting the activity: “It could have left a helluva gouge”. Timmy’s defense that he had never previously had a temper tantrum on the course was quickly put to rest by Jamie, who reminded TK of a similar episode a couple weeks ago when some of us (Nakes, CMoney, Snap, TK, Jamie & Paul) were north for the weekend. Jamie reported that TK stormed around the green after 3 puttin his little arms and legs a flailing causing Jamie a hernia as he stifled back laughter as he could not get the midget/dwarf reality tv show “Little People Big World” out of his head. “I didn’t wanna laugh out loud…I felt sorry for the guy” Jamie explained. The rest of the league then quickly agreed they had noticed Jamie was the most sensitive Snapper to others feelings we have known for a long time. Ha!

6/17 AOTD: Dave Wolfenden for “Selective availability in Jamie bet payoffs”. Last week, Dave left early without paying Jamie their weekly bet claiming later “I had to work 3rd shift”. This week, although he also had to work 3rd shift again, he waited for Jamie before going to work for the payoff. The difference? Last week Dave shot 45 and the quorum voting believed he probably new he had lost the bet and this week he shot 40 and probably new he would be paid if he just waited for Jamie. Your motivation to stay or to go Wolf was unanimously determined by the league as suspect.

7/23 AOTD : Bill Cape for behavior unbecoming of a Snapper. Upon collecting, Paul wanted to show the Snappers his appreciation for their accumulative inability to push the skins pot again by buying a round of drinks. As the waitress went around of table shouts of “Heineken”, “Sam Adams” and the like were rattled off in rapid order. When she reached Bill Cape he politely waved her off saying, “I’m good”. An awkward silence immediately fell over the table, followed by many emphatic reminders from fellow Snappers that “the best kind of beer is…. FREE BEER!” The only defense offered by “Pic-Pic” was that he was only trying to be polite, which of course was summarily dismissed by the Snappers.

7/30 AOTD: Chris Carlson was apparently the unanimous winner for the week for extreme gullibility I am told exceeded that even his own mother who frequently looks bewilderingly at Timmy K over beers at the bar and asks with all sincerity,:”Really?” each time Timmy authoritatively states a bald faced lie as the gospel truth with a straight face. Chris apparently became quite flustered in nominating the entire foursome of Grosser, MaGuffee, Wolfenden & Markunas for each penciling their names onto the last greenie marker below his name instead of only the closest of them. Flabbergasted and discombobulated by the audacity of seeing all four names below his, Chris got caught up in the moment and focused on the apparent discourtesy of ignoring the 3 runner ups and inscribing the name of only the closest of them to have beaten him. He is said to have argued so logically and passionately that it was completely lost on him that #1 The last group in the 4some can control what is written on the final greenie marker and only they can, #2 that the par 3 in question was so long and difficult that nobody had actually reached the green before him and it was unlikely that any of the 4 behind him let alone all of them in fact reached said green and were closer than him, and #3 that Bob Maguffee, the apparent winner had never in his life hit a driver long enough to be closer than 30 yards from this monster 210 plus par 3, and #4 that the last thing dad had told him before leaving him in charge was: “You know son they are gonna F$#@ with you…be ready.”

8/13 AOTD: Darren Bentley for committing the unforgivable sin for Snappers, i.e., wastin beer! Adam had set his semi full beer can carefully on the fringe of the green well visible and well out of the way to attempt his putt. Before he could retrieve it Darren with putter held carefully between his thumb and forefinger, closing one eye as he had see Hansen do, backed up into and onto it with a horrible heel to aluminum crushing sound followed by a sickening glug glug glug sound.

GO SNAPPERS!

Darren Bentley cleaned house on his bets. He won the “5-hole”, a carryover skin with Adam and Asshole of the day. If that wasn’t enough he then proceeded to buy drinks for the guys to the tune of about three times what he won. Thank you Darren!!!

Steve Markunas was lights out with the golf clubs. I got a text message from opponent Naked Dave halfway thru the round begging me to call it a night due to heat (his response to Steve’s unsuccessful attempt at same for rain a couple weeks ago when he was takin a beatin). When the dust cleared Steve had a natural one under 35 on his scorecard and tied the alltime Snapper low net posted by Snapper last year with 27!!!!

Jamie may have lost his match points but he got his $$; both greenies!!

Bill Cape and Mark Blevins were paired against each other and the grudge match for pars erupted (Mark led 4-3 for pars for the season coming into the round). Cape drew first blood posting a par but later in the round Markie Mark birdied.!!! Rather than quietly pretend he had done it before and it was no big deal Mark is said to have ignored the fact that he was 21 over par for the round halfway through it when he accomplished the birdie and laid it on Bill pretty thick earning him an AOTD nomination.

AOTD: Honorable mentions to Markie Mark for trash talkin Bill on the birdie thing and to Darren Bentley for about 4 other infractions but the winner is: Darren Bentley for committing the unforgivable sin for Snappers, i.e., wastin beer! Adam had set his semi full beer can carefully on the fringe of the green well visible and well out of the way to attempt his putt. Before he could retrieve it Darren with putter held carefully between his thumb and forefinger, closing one eye as he had see Hansen do, backed up into and onto it with a horrible heel to aluminum crushing sound followed by a sickening glug glug glug sound.

Year end Scramble Update: Saturday, September 12 is our target date. We have local pro Steve Tanner checkin out a good price for us at our sister courses in east Lansing “Eagle Eye” and/or “Hawk Hollow”. Keep the date open.

Go Snappers!

OK YOU WANNA TALK? LET’S TALK
From time to time you may have something you wish to discuss with me concerning league business. Go ahead. I like to think I am approachable and open to constructive criticism or suggestions about how you would organize or run my league if it were your league. So Maybe I did not book a tee time where you wanted to play (Timmy). Or maybe I made a mistake on logging your points on the sheet correctly(Terry). Come on let’s have a discussion. A nice friendly Rick Porcello discussion. What daya say?

AOTD: We had a plethora of nominations which alas were fun but not quite good enough last week. Honorable mentions to: Bill “Born to be wild” Cape for cruising into the parking lot windows open radio blastin out Steppenwolf and timing his engine cutoff just right Wild!!!...; Dave Wolfenden for laying down greenside every hole as Fairchild & Hansen studied the curious green undulations they seemed to have forgotten have been there all year; for Jerry Carlson who upon winning a 5 hole bragged that he & former partner Glacial Greg had come in 2nd on the league in 1991 (ah memory lane); to Bill Cape for unintentionally dissing absent partner Dave Lawless by welcoming sub Jerry DaBlade with the following (Now I can finally have some fun!). Bill says he meant now that Jerry finally arrived but I don’t know Dave, ya had to be there.

Go Snappers!

AOTD ANYONE???? WE HAVE A WINNER!!!!

Unbelievable!!!! I go away for one week vacation and what happens????? Nothin…you guys actually held league without me. Thank you Chris for steppin up and getting the cards and sheets and a loose lasso around these yahoos. The last thing I told Chris…the very last thing was : “ You know son they are gonna F$#@ with you…be ready.” Lookin at the AOTD results I guess he just didn’t hear me.

WEEKLY CUDOS: Markie Mark and Billie each copped a par. Way to go guys. Paul was on fire grabbin the low actual and low net. And what the hell is this??? Jamie & Paul skinning us AGAIN???? I understand Jamie needed the money as cudos also go to Wolf for needling Jamie on the recent results of the $5 weekly challenge between them with a little help from Chris telling them it was getting boring watching the two of them trade the same $5 back & forth until Jamie, not being able to take it anymore doubled up the bet to $10/week and immediately lost the first week. Hmmmm…now its getting interesting.

AOTD: Chris Carlson was apparently the unanimous winner for the week for extreme gullibility I am told exceeded that even his own mother who frequently looks bewilderingly at Timmy K over beers at the bar and asks with all sincerity,:”Really?” each time Timmy authoritatively states a bald faced lie as the gospel truth with a straight face. Chris apparently became quite flustered in nominating the entire foursome of Grosser, MaGuffee, Wolfenden & Markunas for each penciling their names onto the last greenie marker below his name instead of only the closest of them. Flabbergasted and discombobulated by the audacity of seeing all four names below his, Chris got caught up in the moment and focused on the apparent discourtesy of ignoring the 3 runner ups and inscribing the name of only the closest of them to have beaten him. He is said to have argued so logically and passionately that it was completely lost on him that #1 The last group in the 4some can control what is written on the final greenie marker and only they can, #2 that the par 3 in question was so long and difficult that nobody had actually reached the green before him and it was unlikely that any of the 4 behind him let alone all of them in fact reached said green and were closer than him, and #3 that Bob Maguffee, the apparent winner had never in his life hit a driver long enough to be closer than 30 yards from this monster 210 plus par 3, and #4 that the last thing dad had told him before leaving him in charge was: “You know son they are gonna F$#@ with you…be ready.”

Honorable Mentions of course go out, in no particular order to Greg Groesser, Bob MaGuffee, Steve Markunas and Dave Wolfenden for riling Chris up who really needed the $14.

Go Snappers!

And We Have a Winner!!!
After weeks without a team winning the skins pot and more importantly, weeks without any behavior worthy of the coveted AOTD we had a winner for both last week. Team 6 Leece/Throesch took down the skins pot that had been carried over for 6 weeks, netting them each over $ 30. Congrats boys.

AOTD: Bill Cape for behavior unbecoming of a Snapper.
Upon collecting, Paul wanted to show the Snappers his appreciation for their accumulative inability to push the skins pot again by buying a round of drinks. As the waitress went around of table shouts of “Hieneken”, “Sam Adams” and the like were rattled off in rapid order. When she reached Bill Cape he politely waved her off saying, “I’m good”. An awkward silence immediately fell over the table, followed by many emphatic reminders from fellow Snappers that “the best kind of beer is…. FREE BEER!” The only defense offered by “Pic-Pic” was that he was only trying to be polite, which of course was summarily dismissed by the Snappers.

Notable Nominations:
Jamie: When the beers arrived a toast of thanks was offered to Paul. As we raised our glasses we heard Jamie mumbling that he had chipped in too.

Naked Dave: for littering in the future putting lines of the group behind him with a massive amount of sunflower seed shells on virtually every green.

Steve “Hollywood”: Towards the end of the round a storm was threatening to roll in. As our group was riding the boat over lightning could be seen flashing in the distance. Steve whipped out his phone and sent 3 text messages to Rick begging for him to cancel the week for what he called, “the safety of the league”. I wonder if he would have sent those texts if he had won a bunch of points?

SNAPPERS NORTH 2009 UPDATE:
An early AOTD consideration must go to Timmy K for intentional sabotage of the participants in the Thursday, 9/24 voluntary preliminary round for Snappers North weekend. As of this writing we do not even have the 24 spots for the fri-sun package filled yet, which we will do before requesting the package participants to consider the camaraderie of joining the group early for a Thursday round, and Timmy has already made a competing tee time with the group at a course (Elk Ridge) he likes better than the one Snapper has suggested (The Natural) and is soliciting group participants to leave the group and join him instead. I kinda feel like he is sitting backwards in the front of my canoe paddling his ass off the wrong way. If he would just jump out of the canoe and get out of the way, okay, but every time I knock him out of the canoe he tips over as many of the others following me as he can and then jumps back in mine paddling bass ackwards.

Look guys, the weekend package is always fri –sun and thur is voluntary and extra because everybody cant get the extra day off work. But each year we get more and more on thur and last year had 24 of the 28 weekenders on thur. So I made 20 tee times for The Natural @ $29/ea. Trying to keep the cost down for yall. I can cancel them if there is a consensus to go to a more expensive course. Timmy refuses to play the Natural and wants some of you to go with him to Elk Ridge for $40-$50 so he does not have to play alone. There are many course options we have for Thursday if we want to play as a group. Elk Ridge is one. Treetops (Jones, Smith, Fazio) are each $65 - $80 depending on start time. There is also Garland, Boyne, Shanty, The Chief & Hawk’s Eye, Grand Traverse Resort, etc for $60 or so, Forest Dunes for more, etc. Someone’s got to make the tee times and decide who to rely on in deciding how many will join in and how many may not be relied upon. Everyone let me know whether you want me to bother each year to try to keep the group together for thur or just leave everyone on their own. It’s a lot of work I don’t mind for those who appreciate it and want to play with us no matter where we are. For those who wish to play the same time we are on Thur but somewhere else by themselves, that’s fine, let me know, and I will not include you on Thursday rounds from now on.

WHERE ARE THE EAGLE’S BOYS?
We do not have an eagle yet this year on the league. We do have 4 birdies each for Dave Wolfenden and Mark Hansen and another 3 each for Greg Groesser, Steve Markunas, Jamie Leece and Terry Fairchild, then 2 each for Chris Carlson and Paul Throesch and one for Rick Carlson, Naked Dave, Dave Lawless, Timmy K and Adam Cusin. But no eagles yet this year?? We had two last year, Guy Metzger & Steve Peltier; I got one 2 years ago, Chris got one 3 years ago. If you really want a challenge know that we have had 2 “ace’s” in snapper history, both former snappers, Bernie Cason @ Sugarbush and John Lee @ Brookwood.

Another thing that jumps out from the sheet is Jamie who is absolutely paring the shit out of the course. 50 % of the holes he has played this year he has pared. Way to go!!!!

Finally, it appears that 24 year end golf balls have been won so far while 5 of you remain “BALLESS” at this time.

GO SNAPPERS!

**Come on step it up a little Jamie if you want us all to follow this grudge match. It was not just Wolf…as you know 8 of 16 Snappers beat Jamie’s actual score last week and:

Here is a list of Snappers who did not beat Jamie’s net score last week:
1.Mark Blevins tie @ 45 net each

AOTD: Once again we had no behavior so outlandish as to be determined by consensus of our after golf quorum to be worthy of bestowment of the AOTD dishonorarium. We did have numerous nominations mostly for obvious breaches of golf etiquette. For example: Greg Groesser was nominated for intentionally waiting for opponent Bill Cape to complete his standard waggles and commence his backswing on a significant putt on the second par 3 before announcing loudly: “Go ahead Bill, you go first”. This was Bill’s first moment of appreciation that he was putting out of turn as he eagerly stood over his tee shot a mere 15 feet from the hole completely ignoring Greg’s obviously longer 25 footer. No malice was intended (by Bill) who simply was quite focused on completing his nudge up close and beg a gimme for his second par of the year. Greg on the other hand noticed the etiquette breach early and was alleged to have whispered to his partner (watch this) several seconds and numerous waggles before he actually made his declaration to Bill.

Jamie got a nomination for going ballistic verbally assaulting opponent Mark Hansen, who unlike himself was having a rather good round, when late in the round after golfing our home course for the second year in a row, Mark still walked (according to Jamie) 3 consecutive 360’s around the green confirming the slope and speed, wind resistance and barometric pressure before determining how hard to strike his putt. Witness Terry Fairchild described how aggressive Jamie had been in voicing his objection to the speed of play of the golfer who did well that evening.

Timmy K was nominated also for a verbal tirade and patented stomp around and club toss after screwing up a shot, but unlike Jamie, the focus of TK’s verbal abuse was himself as he opined every manner of self directed self deprecating racist slurr and questioning of his intelligence with the words “Dumb F@#&ing Pollock” being the most frequently espoused suggestion Timmy had for himself;

Dave Wolfenden, get this of all people, expressed his displeasure on the number one tee box with various Snappers talking to his partner sub Bob Maguffee at address, by loudly exclaiming “SHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! Are you kidding me? Shushed by Wolf? And Maguffee can take of himself as we know; he calmly lofted his drive during the chatter his standard 168 yards downfield into the fairway.

ALAS…entertaining as it was to hear of these incidents…No golf balls for you goof balls for this.

Anyone remember Paul Newman in Butch Cassiday and the Sundance Kid just before kicking his gigantic opponent in the balls announcing he wanted to get the rules straight before starting the knife fight and his opponent incredulously asking “Rules? In a knife fight? What rules?” to which he replied “No Rules? Okay somebody say 1-2-3 go” and then commencing his kick when Robert Redford immediately replied” 1-2-3- Go”? Well some say we Snappers have no rules…But we do.

Rule 3. Re-write
With change comes questions….so I have the answers. Our league make up has change from time to time with league members going and new members welcomed in. Old guys help the new guys whenever they come in. Our rules are lenient and subject to negotiation but we still have rules to guide us through the not so difficult task if you think about it of enjoying a round of golf with the guys and not accidentally or on purpose screwing anybody out of a few points that mean very little in the end. One of the more frequent questions the last couple of years has been: “where do I drop on ob balls?” . The answer often given by the old guys is “We take our distance” and “We are liberal with the line of flight thing”, both of which answers are true but not totally within the spirit of our play over the years. The rule as written actually states line of flight and take your distance as with a later all hazard. This means you can come back on your line of flight as far back as necessary to make sure you have a shot after taking the penalty. True, you do not then always get to take your full distance but you are much better off then having take your full distance, drop within 2 club lengths of where you went into the shit and find that you still have no shot. So, often guys, new guys and old guys, fudge it a little by coming back on line of flight a reasonable distance backwards and then out to the fairway to have a shot, which is allowed. But you can’t crank one 300 yards into the woods at a 45 degree angle catching maybe 30 yards of fairway only and then move on down 300 yards and drop. If this happens over some “shit” just off the tee where you really cannot drop on line of flight and have a shot,, usually it makes sense to drop on the other side of the shit. Sometimes it does not make sense. Here we just ask our opponents what they think is reasonable and we expect the opponents to be liberal and reasonable. You also can’t just throw it out in the fairway at your full distance it went in without coming backwards on your line of flight or appearing to have done so. While this is general and open to question it is meant to be to allow a reasonable chance to have a shot after a penalty stroke without obviously “cheating” your opponents. Another question comes up frequently about how far into the shit do you have to go to drop on the other side of it? Is a 10 yard dribble the same as a 190 yard shot into the shit extending 200 yards downfield? Everyone should already know the answer to that, but if you don’t, then ask your opponents what they think the spirit of Snapper rules dictates. In the words of the infamous Rodney King: “Can’t we all just get along?” Of course we can; we are Snappers.

Now, here is the official re-write of Rule 3 which has served us well for 21 years as originally written, but now intended to be just a little bit more clear as to what we can expect of each other out there on the links:

3. Penalty Strokes. Penalty Stokes shall be assessed for one and only one infraction, i.e., out of bounds or lost ball. Out of bounds or lost ball shall be a one stroke penalty with the ball to be played by “line of flight” at the point out of bounds; You always take your distance in this league and treat any such unfortunate occurrence as if you had hit into a lateral hazard; You also are expected to be able to be able to give yourself a reasonable shot after taking the penalty stroke by moving back on your line of flight as far as necessary and/or moving laterally within reason from your actual distance. If you have a doubt as to your line of flight, actual distance and/or reasonable drop zone to achieve the fair, common sense spirit of the rule, ask your opponent: “Can I drop here?” and opponents you then say either: “Sure, go ahead, that looks right to me” or “ Hell no dumbass, drop back there a ways farther back”.

Penalty strokes shall not be assessed for any other technical infraction or departation from the USGA rules of golf, including but not limited to “ Ball moving at address”, “Accidental grounding of club in sand trap or hazard”, “Attesting to the wrong score on official scorecard”, “hitting opponent’s or wrong ball” (If this happens you hit again, this time your own ball from where you were supposed to and the first shot, good or bad, does not count), or “ failing to announce a provisional in advance” (if this happens and you find your own ball after that, hit your own ball without penalty and the first shot is always considered a provisional and good or bad it does not count.)

Speaking of Hansen/Fairchild...

COMING SOON: Rule clarification rewrite : every so often as a matter of necessity we write a new rule or clarify an existing rule. We will do so again shortly based upon a happening last week on hole number one between my team Carlson/Groesser and team Hansen/Fairchild. 4 balls in the fairway. Greg Groesser hits the opponent Hansen’s ball by mistake without checking it. He misses the green short left. Hansen attempts to hit the remaining ball some 35 yards closer to the green but checks it and discovers it not to be his ball, but Groesser’s. Greg admits he did not check the shorter ball and assumed it was his. Hansen/Fairchild being fairly new to the league in their 2nd year only asks what we do now. Yours truly who has seen this happen on a number of occasions in the past suggests that Hansen hit from where his ball was and Groesser hit his own ball ignoring the first shot. Fairchild wonders if this is fair. Groesser suggests he will take a 2 stroke penalty. Fairchild declines this but still wonders if it is fair for Greg to hit “overs”; Carlson suggests the compromise that Greg simply play the shot he hit already without further penalty since the ball he hit was 30 + yards further away from the green to begin with and he missed the green on the approach. Groesser (the 4somes scorekeeper) charges himself a 2 stroke penalty anyway without informing his opponents who again had declined that option. A discussion on the patio afterwards reaffirmed that the proper way to deal with the situation in the spirit of the Snappers is as it has been in the past. Hit your own ball again without penalty. As in bowling where you alternate lanes if you bowl on the wrong lane you have to do it over on the right lane. It matters not whether you had scored a strike or a split. It does not count. Here it matters not whether you hit the green up close or missed miserably. It was not your ball and does not count. You have to do it over without penalty. This rule rewrite when done will not be named after anyone. It was a legitimate question of what the rules are in our league and we need it clarified with a “common sense” rule in the spirit of our league.

ASSHOLE OF THE DAY: Dave Wolfenden for “Selective availability in Jamie bet payoffs”. Last week, Dave left early without paying Jamie their weekly bet claiming later “I had to work 3rd shift”. This week, although he also had to work 3rd shift again, he waited for Jamie before going to work for the payoff. The difference? Last week Dave shot 45 and the quorum voting believed he probably new he had lost the bet and this week he shot 40 and probably new he would be paid if he just waited for Jamie. Your motivation to stay or to go Wolf was unanimously determined by the league as suspect.

Honorable Mention:The following nominations were made and win honorable mention for AOTD:

Team Hansen/Fairchild for failing to volunteer the common sense approach the league took in the past to a Snapper hitting the wrong ball. Of course we do not penalize ourselves for this anymore than anything else.

Greg Groesser for stubbornly giving himself a 2 stroke penalty without telling his opponents in addition to accepting the errant shot of the wrong ball as his own after the opponents had specifically declined wanting that result.

Tim Kachelski for nonchalantly nicknaming Greg “2Stroke” and calling him such numerous times the remainder of the night.

Go Snappers!

HMMMMM????? ENOUGH SAID?

WOLF/JAMIE CHALLENGE UPDATE: week 5 this weekly report is being cancelled for lack of interest. Recall when last reported Wolf was (+$5) and Jamie (-$5) for the year.**

AOTD: none deserving and none awarded. But we did have some contenders. Rick Carlson had broken a promise to bring son Chris’ clubs (and golf shoes) with him from home. Chris used Naked’s clubs a couple of fairway woods from dad’s bag and a putter the likes of which he had never seen let alone used. However, he refused numerous prompts to nominate dad, shot “44” wearing a pair of flip flops and got a greenie to boot.

Timmy K nominated absent partner Markie Mark Blevins for having one of his employee secretaries telephone Timmy to explain Markie Mark was not only too busy to golf but too busy to take the phone once dialed and tell him himself. Come on TK the man’s important and he is too busy for you. What’s so hard to understand???

Sub Bob Maguffee was nominated for bumming a smoke from the new guys and then coughing uncontrollably after the first inhale. Guess some smokes are stronger than other’s Bob? Thought you were once “an old stoner” in your day???

SKINS CARRYOVER BROKEN: Way to go to team Leece and Ringer Sub (Herb Green) who broke the new skins pot on the first week. 14 smakeroonies!!!!.

CAPTAIN BRAD EXPLAINED his “Man Overboard Fiasco” with new information for us to enjoy. Apparently the pontoon came untied and floated to the middle of the pond. A kindly looking old 75ish year old fisherman volunteered to motor the Capt out to it with his little 5 horse outboard which ended up not quite half way there. Brad rowed manually and upon reaching the pontoon was too exhausted to successfully board. Not too funny at the time as Brad skinned his knee, hit his head and hurt his bad leg and just could not get out of the water without the assistance of not so few choice words and phrases he claims he seldom uses and has barely heard, but somehow managed to invoke at the top of his lungs until finally successful. @#!*&!! *&%$!## $$!###@$$ (*&^%$## shouted Brad. He later apologized to the silent old fisherman, who then informed him he had heard it before and not to worry. Brad didn’t until subsequent small talk revealed to a Red Faced Brad that the old fisherman was a Pastor at a local church.

** Just kidding …Jamie finally caught up this week with a one over par 37. Season totals now:
Season totals: Wolf 1-1-3 (+$00), Jamie 1-1-3 (+$00)

Go Snappers!

Snappers 2008 Treetops north [Photos here]

Snappers 2008 Davison Country Club Year-end Scramble

TM 1: Ron Richardson, Terry Fairchild, Steve Peltier, Micha Fulgham
TM 2: Chris Carlson, Dave Wolfenden, Mark Blevins, Paul Throesch
TM 3: Chad Ellis, Dave Mitteer, Steve Markunas, Tim Kachelski
TM 4: Scott Cowan, Guy Metzger, Mark Hanson, Bill Cape
TM 5: Jerry Carlson, Jaime Leece, Rick Carlson, Dave Lawless

Finally downloaded pictures from my camera. I was going to add captions to each photo but after viewing the slideshow I deemed it unnecessary.
Enjoy,
Shang

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